Jokes... Just jokes....

Little Bobby was asked by his first grade teacher..."Bobby, do you know how to count?".
Bobby replied "Of course I do, my dad taught me".
The teacher doubted Bobby, and decided to put him to the test. "OK, Bobby...what comes after three?"
The teacher asked "Four!" Bobby immediately exclaimed. "Very Good" said the teacher, "OK, what comes after six?" "Seven!"
Bobby shot back immediately. "Bobby, your father is an excellent teacher. He must be so proud of you."
"Yes, he is" Bobby replied "OK, One last test", said the teacher "What comes after ten?" Without missing a beat, Bobby replied "Jack"

 

lol I can se cards in your avatar.

 

Sardar and girlfriend
Sardar: come home tonite .. no ones there.
........
Girl goes to his house at nite....

and finds out... there really isnt ne one there.

 

hee hee .......nice .... second one was really very funny

 

Lol! very funny.. hehe

 

Read that one as a text message, not that funny

 

buhahahahahaaaaa... nice jokes

 

A businessman met a beautiful girl and agreed to spend the afternoon with her for $500. They did their thing, and, before he left, he told her that he did not have any cash with him, but he would have his secretary write a check and mail it to her, calling the payment “RENT FOR APARTMENT.”

On the way to the office he regretted what he had done, realizing that the whole event had not been worth the price So he had his secretary send a check for $250 and enclose the following typed note:

“Dear Madam:

Enclosed find check in the amount of $250 for rent of your apartment. I am not sending the amount agreed upon, because when I rented the place, I was under the impression that:

#1 - it had never been occupied;
#2 - there was plenty of heat; and
#3 - it was small enough to make me feel cozy and at home.

However, I found out that it had been previously occupied, that there wasn’t any heat, and that it was entirely too large.”

Upon receipt of the note, the girl immediately returned the check for $250 with the following note :

“Dear Sir:

First of all, I cannot understand how you could expect a beautiful apartment to remain unoccupied indefinitely. As for the heat, there is plenty of it, if you know how to turn it on. Regarding the space, the apartment is indeed of regular size, but if you don’t have enough furniture to fill it, please do not blame the management.

Please send the rent in full or we will be forced to contact your present landlady.”

 

Lol Good Jokes
Hahahhaha

 

A professor was walking along a very narrow hall
when he came face to face with a rival.

The passage way was too narrow for two to pass.
The rival, pulling himself up to his full height, said with a sneer,
"I never make way for fools!"

Smiling, the Gracious Professor stepped aside and with a bow replied, "I Always Do."

 

A man goes on a vacation to Spain, his first time to the beautiful country. Upon arrival he asks the concierge at his hotel for directions to any restaurant that serve's truly spanish food. The concierge gives him directions to a small cafe just across from the bull fighting arenas.

After being seated, the man looks over the menu and sees "Spain's Ultimate Meat Balls". He asks the waiter about it, who tells him it's the testicals of a defeated bull from the arena. It's apparently a delicacy and considered a great honor to have them. Legend has it that bull testicles pass on supernatural powers to whoever consumes them.

Figuring it was a once in a lifetime thing, he ordered it. The bull's balls were exceptional, the best meal he had ever had.

Several years later he returns to Spain and goes back to the little cafe and orders the meatballs again. But when he recieves the plate the meatballs appear to be much smaller, and they don't taste very good.

He tells the waiter, "Hey, I ordered these years ago on my last trip and they were much bigger and juicy. These meatballs are really small and taste gross, what's the deal?"

The waiter replies, "Sir, sometimes the bull wins."




As a side note to this story, rumor spread about the supernatural powers the bull testicles pass onto whoever consumes them. And it didn't take long for an American to hear about it and see a business opportunity. So he started experimenting with bull testicles and trying to find some sort of consumable product with them, and several months later RED BULL was born!

This isn't a joke. If you read the print on a can of Red Bull, it says "Contains Taurine" - Taurine is bull testicle extract. So rejoice, if you have drank Red Bull you have had bull testicles! (Yes, I am serious, it's not a joke).

 

Divorce Exchange


My Dear Wife,

I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you forever. I've been a good man to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it.

These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today and that was the last straw.

Last week, you came home and didn't even notice that I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in two minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don't tell me you love me anymore;
you don't want sex or anything that connects us as husband and wife.
Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me anymore; whatever the case, I'm gone.

Yours
EX-Husband
I don't give a damn

P.S.
Don't try to find me.
Your SISTER and I are moving away to West Virginia together!
Have a great life!

====

My Dear Ex-Husband,

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good man is a far cry from what you've been.

I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining and griping. Too bad that doesn't work. I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the first thing that came to mind was 'You look just like a girl!' Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can't say something nice, I didn't comment.

And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago.

About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, and I prayed that it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning.

After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out. So when I hit the lotto for ten million dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica . But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason, I guess.

I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won't get a dime from me. So take care.

Signed,
Yours
Ex-Wife,
Rich As Hell and Free!

P.S.:
I don't know if I ever told you this,
but my sister Carla was born Carl.
Have fun.

 

I really like jokes...very funny.

 

Ah too funny, the joke about the old woman selling all the books for the porsche. She had enough books to purchase a freakin porsche. He's probably mad and happy at the same time!

 

A woman gets on a city bus. She looks at the driver and holds up one hand; the driver holds up two hands.
Next, the woman points up; the driver points down. Then, the woman grabs her breast; the driver grabs his
crotch. Finally, the woman grabs her butt and gets off the bus.

A curious passenger asked the bus driver what the odd motions were all about.

The driver explained, "The woman is a deaf-mute. She asked me if a bus ride is five cents, and I told her
it was ten cents. Next, she asked if the bus was going uptown, and I told her it was going downtown. Then, she
asked if the bus was going pass the milk-farm, and I told her it was going pass the ball-park."

The passenger interjected, "Okay, but why did she grab her butt as she left the bus?"

The driver continued, she replied "Oh crap, I'm on the wrong bus!"

 

BLONDE: "Excuse me, what time is it right now?"
WOMAN: "It's 10:50PM."
BLONDE: (confused look on face) "You know, it's the weirdest thing, I've asked that question thirty times today, and every time someone gives me a different answer."

 

A blonde reports for her university final exam which consists of mainly true and false questions. She takes her seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes her purse out, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet: true for heads and false for tails. Within thirty minutes she is all done, whereas the rest of the class is still working furiously.

During the last few minutes, she is seen desperately throwing the coin, swearing and sweating. The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what is happening.

"I finished the exam in a half hour," she replies. "Now I'm rechecking my answers."

 

alll are adourable thanks mate for sharing such a wonderful jokes.
and yes, keep 'em coming.

 

I'm happy that people read them

Here is another one..

A Maid asked for a raise.
Her Madam was very upset about this and asked: Now Maria, why do you want an increase?
Maria: Well Madam, there are three reasons why I want an increase. The first is that I iron better than you.
Madam: Who said you iron better than me?
Maria: The Master said so.
Madam: Oh
Maria: The second reason is that I am a better cook than you.
Madam: Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than I?
Maria: The Master did.
Madam: Oh
Maria: My third reason is that I am a better "woman" than you.
Madam (very upset now): Did the Master say so as well?
Maria: No Madam, the gardener said.
SHE GOT THE RAISE ..

 

Blond Father

A blond guy and a brunette girl were happily married and about to have a baby. One day, the wife started having contractions, so the husband rushed her to the hospital. He held her hand as she went through a trying birth. In the end, there were two little baby boys.
The blond guy turned to his wife and angrily said, "All right, who's the other father!?!"