Jokes: FUNNY ENGLISH NOTICES AROUND THE WORLD!

sw0rdfish Peon

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#1

Credits: danielsen

Here are some signs and notices written in English that were
discovered throughout the world. You have to give the writers an
'E' for Effort. We hope you enjoy them.

In a Tokyo Hotel:
Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a
person to do such thing is please not to read notis.

In a Bucharest hotel lobby:
The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we
regret that you will be unbearable.

In a Leipzig elevator:
Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up.

In a Belgrade hotel elevator:
To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin
should enter more persons, each one should press a number of
wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by
national order.

In a Paris hotel elevator:
Please leave your values at the front desk.

In a hotel in Athens:
Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the
hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.

In a Yugoslavian hotel:
The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the
chambermaid.

In a Japanese hotel:
You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.

In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox
monastery:
You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and
Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except
Thursday.

In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers:
Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the
boots of ascension.

On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.

On the menu of a Polish hotel:
Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy
dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose;
beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion.

Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop:
Ladies may have a fit upstairs.

In a Bangkok dry cleaner's:
Drop your trousers here for best results.

Outside a Paris dress shop:
Dresses for street walking.

In a Rhodes tailor shop:
Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute
customers in strict rotation.

A sign posted in Germany's Black forest:
It is strictly forbidden on our black forest camping site that
people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live
together in one tent unless they are married with each other
for that purpose.

In a Zurich hotel:
Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the
opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby
be used for this purpose.

In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist:
Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists.

In a Rome laundry:
Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon
having a good time.

In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency:
Take one of our horse-driven city tours - we guarantee no
miscarriages.

Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand:
Would you like to ride on your own ass?

In a Swiss mountain inn:
Special today -- no ice cream.

In a Bangkok temple:
It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed
as a man.

In a Tokyo bar:
Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.

In a Copenhagen airline ticket office:
We take your bags and send them in all directions.

On the door of a Moscow hotel room:
If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to
it.

In a Norwegian cocktail lounge:
Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.

In a Budapest zoo:
Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable
food, give it to the guard on duty.

In the office of a Roman doctor:
Specialist in women and other diseases.

In an Acapulco hotel:
The manager has personally passed all the water served here.

In a Tokyo shop:
Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll find they are
best in the long run.

From a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air
conditioner:
Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition of warm in your
room, please control yourself.

From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo:
When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn.
Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles
your passage then tootle him with vigor.

Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance:
- English well talking.
- Here speeching American.
Click to expand...

sw0rdfish, Apr 15, 2008 IP

sheilasultani Peon

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#2

In a Paris hotel elevator:
Please leave your values at the front desk.
Click to expand...

These are SOOO funny - I've got to send them to a few people!

sheilasultani, Apr 16, 2008 IP

Shishir Active Member

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#3

Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable
food, give it to the guard on duty.

It was funny. All the stupid notices were.

Shishir, Apr 17, 2008 IP

5starpix Notable Member

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#4

Haha..nice ones..really funni

5starpix, Apr 17, 2008 IP

spyece Active Member

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#5

thats damn funny!

spyece, Apr 18, 2008 IP

tradeya Notable Member

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#6

LOL these signs are so funny. there are a lots like these in China too, maybe i should go and find some more.

tradeya, Apr 19, 2008 IP

rockinfuture Peon

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#7

Really good ones.After all english is not their language, So its obvious to happen.

rockinfuture, Apr 20, 2008 IP

Malcom David Member

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#8

this definitely has improved my English and I will try my best to be abide with English rules of the language.

Malcom David, May 10, 2008 IP

tekz999 Guest

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#9

In a Tokyo bar:
Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.

tekz999, May 10, 2008 IP

thekrash Well-Known Member

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#10

In a Belgrade hotel elevator:
To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin
should enter more persons, each one should press a number of
wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by
national order.
Click to expand...

Wtf ahahah. Alphabetically by national order?

thekrash, May 10, 2008 IP

Dignified Peon

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#11

ahahah

Dignified, May 10, 2008 IP

tjbumi Peon

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#12

In a Paris hotel elevator:
Please leave your values at the front desk.

Ha'ah... then the guy run away with all your valuable items....

tjbumi, May 10, 2008 IP

IIsDaBmb Peon

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#13

"Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the
hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily." Must of been a really good Hotel...

IIsDaBmb, May 11, 2008 IP

Aleker Peon

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#14

Hahaha, those are really funny.

Aleker, Jun 6, 2008 IP

RedXer Peon

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#15

Wow I'd love to actually see these signs, or at least photos of them.

RedXer, Jun 6, 2008 IP

ROOFIS Well-Known Member

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#16

Talk about gorilla warfare (link/pic 7)
Check it out:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/in_pictures/6054726.stm

ROOFIS, Jun 6, 2008 IP