Is this sales page ready to go live (I'm scared....)

Hi, at long last, my first product is finished and I am ready to launch it. Unfortunately I didn't have any money and I designed the website and sales copy on my own and the result is that is not that good I think, so I am turning to you guys to rip it apart for me.

I would appreciate it ever so much for all constructive and specific advice you can give me to improve my sales copy or webpage for this product.

Don't know if it is allowed,but here is the link (button not working)
http://www.freetrafficvolcano.com/index.php?p=1_1

 

Looks like any other sales page to me. If this is your first affiliate page good luck buddy. If you need
advice on PPC when you decide to launch it let me know.

 

The headline doesn't attract me at all. In any case, it would read better as "Paid advertising drained my bank account ..........". I also do not see the point of "Generate free traffic or die". Maybe the "die" could be replaced with something else more meaningful.

This may cause a little confusion. You dedicate half a page to listing the free bonuses and then say that only the first 100 orders get these bonuses. Your sales page also says that the product has crossed 100 orders. [Next 100 orders - $37 SOLD OUT]. So do people ordering now get the free bonuses or not?

 

It looked a little bit odd when you wrote the bullet points like this:

I would miss out the "a_____________" altogether and just write, "Drive floods of traffic using revolutionary techniques."

However, great use of bullet points except around the middle; I would aim to have no more than 8 bullet points together, so if you can then break them up a little bit.

 

is is good sales page... maybe you should change your picture.. replace with one more serious

 

Trying to look cool in those sunglasses will just make it worse for you.

The site looks like one of those typical cheap template sites.

All of that red and blue loud text makes the site look very amateurish.

Get rid of the "from the desk of..."

Don't even get me started on that screenshot of yours.

These lines rarely if at all works. Many who use even half their brain cells will roll their eyes at it.

This one is incredibly stupid:

Be fuckng honest with your visitors.


With all this said and done, you'll get a few sales, but only from complete dumbasses.

Make your page look more professional.

Go look at some of the pages in BN.com, and Amazon, as examples.

Think about making the lower half of your site, where you are selling your stuff, look like that.

 

No it is not very good. Get rid of the PS everywhere

 

Thanks for allt he comments I changed my page a bit...

 

THanks for all the comments. I would appreciate it if you could give me some constructive comments. It doesn't help me much if you tell me what is crap about my page without giving an alternative to make it better, hehe.


The first 50 orders etc. part is not BS, I launched as WSO, before clickbank.

 

I'd actually say this doesn't suck.

This is going to sound shocking, but I don't think anyone is going to read it. I think your IM fellows are going to look at your headline, scroll down to your results, and then scroll the rest of the way down to see the price.

Your sales page looks like a sales page. It feels like a sales page. And that's all your IM brethren need to be sold. You walk the walk; you have the long-form sales page everyone is supposed to have, and you even did the PS and the Belcher button. You're one of us.

I think this is going to convert better than most copywriters would like to admit.

 

I would say that you are a P.O.S. trying to get traffic for your product... BECAUSE...

That is just a PLR website that you can download for free and they give you the html files that you have to upload to your server... so what are you saying " you finished " to ? uploading the files ? well then yes GREAT JOB.. you uploaded the files correctly !

 

In your disclaimer you got www.ExplosiveTrafficSystem.com

But your website is www.freetrafficvolcano.com

 

Ok, the Sales Page is good, I saw many other sales page like this. No Problem, You can sell it. Make sure,you are not copying any content from other sites. Because if they find it, later you will be in problem.

 

ALL the copy is original. I wrote it myself from scratch. The graphics are 100% original as well. The background and color scheme is a template, I don't know html, so web design is unfortunately not my strong point at this stage.

 

That's exactly what I did...

Can't be bothered reading another spammer sales page promising the world and your actually admitting on here that you have no money...

So is the whole thing a lie from what I am reading, why bother?

 

I can tell just from the post it is SPAM.

But slow day in the news so I clicked your link. Big red font on a ghetto cheap @ss 3rd world template.

BUY BUY GIVE ME MONEY… with a pic of someone in sunglasses who looks like a wannabe late night infomercial star.

It looks like SPAM. It is SPAM What more can I say.

 

I think the site is good to go. You can always change some things later. Just keep it real and be honest (i can not stress this enough) with your customers especially with what you are selling on the copy. They'll know if you're lying.

 

Constructive criticism at its best... so you want this guy to go ahead and delete the whole website just because you don't like it?

 

Do you really think this guys wants a review? Or does he want a backlink and traffic?

He is trying to scrounge traffic from forums= SPAM at the same time trying to sell instructions for getting "Free Traffic". This is amateur crap you read in lame ebooks.

Sorry,, it takes a lot more then a free template, a junk ebook and big red font to make money on the internet.

Really what kind of review do you guys expect?
I love the huge red font? The skinny long page reminds me of a reading on a roll of toilet paper? I love how the price is not until the end?

Yeah, good one

 

He probably doesn't want to get a backlink from the thread, otherwise he would have used anchor text (he also didn't know if it was allowed, not sure if this is strictly true though). He also probably wasn't expecting any sales just by making a thread in this forum - maybe he just wanted an honest review instead of a sceptical opinion?