Please give me some feed back on the sale copy on the page below. Do'nt hold anything back,if you like it tell me why if not also tell me why. I tried to create it from the inside out as if I were trying to sell it to sell it to me. Resellers Money Making Toolkit
I've only read the title--shorten it. I suggest: Learn How To Make Money With Your Own Resale Rights Business
I agree about the title. All in all, it's standard sales copy stuff. It is, however, a little dangerous to ask a question such as: You’re looking at this web page for one very important (and money making) reason. You are interested in learning how to set up and build a home-based business selling resell rights products you now have access to. Right? What if the answer is 'no'? Also, keep your product as a brand-type, so write: Resellers Money Making Toolkit. The capitals just reinforce the product.
I don't have the time to really look it over, but at a glance, here are a few points to think about. First, there's nothing wrong with longer headlines in sales copy. I'm not saying your is optimal, but just pointing out that ultra-short headlines can hurt. Second, try to stay away from negative wording. For instance, "not hard" and "easy" are miles apart. You used "not hard," which should be omitted for something else, like easy, simple, etc. Third, "S CCESS won’t happen without ‘U’." --- if you want to get technical, success is happening all day long without your readers. More of a style issue, I tend to stay away from stuff like this. Fourth,"This is going to be brief. I don’t want to waste any of your valuable time with a huge amount of ’sales page hype’." Okay, this made me laugh. I've seen it before and it's usually followed by bloated, hyped, long copy. BTW, brief would be a couple paragraphs at most. I'd dump all this. Focus less on what you won't do and more on what you will do. You're there to sell people. By telling them you're not there to sell them, you've now alerted them and they will become more defensive.
Ya know, maybe this is a little un-educated since I'm not formally trained in online sales tactics. What is the deal with this narrow-column long page theme/design that all of these places use? Yours in particular isn't that long, but it has the same look and feel as every other money-making site out there. I do have experience in sales and its all about getting people to take baby steps from one thing to the next. Give some good copy, then entice a user to go to the next step, see whats ahead...not throw the whole thing at them and expect them to sign up right away. Make it more modern and less "typical sales, make money, get rich quick." Make it quality and different.
I want to thank everyone that has replied to this post. Some of your comments have been very useful, as it always nice to get multiple opinions on any subject.
As ALWAYS, you should test everything. We can sit here telling you that this should be that or that should be this—experienced or not—but your sales numbers will be right 100% of the time. Sometimes slicked up designs hurt sales, sometimes not. Sometimes long headlines kill sales, other times is skyrockets them. Sometimes using a blue color scheme brings in the green, other times a red one works best. Sometimes being corny in your copy sends readers running for the hills, other times it has them pouring a cup of coffee, grabbing a blanket and snuggling up with the curves of your words. Test, test, test and test some more. Have fun.
Agree. And if you're not using it yet, I suggest you try Google Analytics' testing tool. You could use it to A/B your pages and find out which ones are more effective. I'm sure there are other tools out there, but if you're looking for a free one, that should work for you.
Your copy suffers from taking too long to get to the actual point by using too many words to express your thoughts and fails to convince a potential customer to buy your product because they'll never stick around long enough to read it all. It's easy to do. Taking just one sentence... "I can assure you" - who the heck are you and why are you worthy of being listened to? 30 words long and it takes just the first four to undermine the entire point. An unrefined alternative might be... One thing I often try when writing sales copy is to read a sentence and consider the sarcastic response of "So what, big deal." If that comment is in any way valid, the sentence gets rewritten.