This is my first sales page copy I've ever written, I would love to hear what you think about it, what you would improve and such... hxxp://growtallermagic.com/ Thank you in advance...
Had a read though this for you and quite honestly, there are a couple of observations. The first is the look... These single page sales sites are seen by most as spam or MLM or get rich quick etc and don't carry a lot of favour with visitors to them. There is also the fact that there is so much reading to do, you are bored before you are off the first page. If I were you, build a site, rather than a page. Separate the content out - put the testimonials on their own page and have each separate page going through to the page where you can purchase it - basically move away from this template because, quite honestly, they look cheap and normally offer what amounts to crap. If you want to stand out, change this.
lol I was thinking the same thing. I always see it, but, to this day, I am still simply amazed by the stupidity here.
I would develop your site into a site rather than a sales page, or maybe keep the sales page as is but have it secondary to a larger site. The point is, you'll need traffic to convert this ("duh, I knew that") - but the traffic will need to see more credibility than a nice sales page and a pretty smile next to a testimonial. It's just the niche you picked - I don't think a single-page sales front is a good choice.
And the amazing thing is, someone who clearly has no concept of grammar comments on it saying it needs to be improved... "It seems good. but much need to be improved." I mean, come on!
Some corrections for you: "they always laughed at me" - I'd say: they would always laugh at me "grow taller" - you might think of a better variant "Many people come to me for consultation reveal me all this horrible stories about how kids used to pick on them at school and called the names like called dwarf, midget, little person, Shorty..." mind your grammar ans stylistics here, etc. I don't have enough time to look through all the text, sorry, but I hope my message was of some help.
My first advice to you is to and buy a book about copywriting. Fair enough, this is your first attempt at the craft - so well done for at least trying. Now, for about $14.00 give or take you can purchase Joseph Sugarman's... Adweek Copywriting Handbook, buy it immediately (it'll pay for itself over and over and over again), read it through thoroughly for the next week and then start applying what you have learned to your own sales letters. In a nutshell then, my opinion... It's absolutely terrible - there's no kind way of putting it politely. First, within this niche you are going to have some very major credibility issues. You want to gain your visitors trust...in order to do this, this sales piece is going to have to have to be completely reworked from the very beginning. In fact, my advice to you is to employ the services of a professional copywriter rather than attempt to do this by yourself. But and this is a very BIG 'But'... I think you'll be much better off simply choosing another niche altogether, to make any serious amount of cash online. Of course by now you have a certain amount of emotional attachment to this project, which truth be told is rather unfortunate - for this is going to get well and truly in the way of you making a sound business decision which works in your favor. You want to make money online - (everyone does), this niche though (presented in this manner) is most definitely not the best way to go about achieving your financial goal. So, what's wrong with it then? The preheader is awful. Who is this 'man'? Major credibility loss there instantly in the first 3 seconds. Your main headline again, appallingly awful. The main headline is perhaps the most important part of your sales letter. Even a brilliant sales letter which is converting highly with a piss poor headline will go nowhere. Adjust the headline alone and often conversions will instantly rise as a direct result. Note that I said, on a brilliant sales letter, this however (if it were not patently obvious by now), does not fall anywhere near this camp. It's unfortunately for you, right at the other end of the quality copywriting spectrum. A note about headlines... Write out 50 headlines first. The first 10 or so you should find very easy to write after which you will start to struggle as a copywriting newbie. Your main headline should always go inside inverted commas. Headlines which you do not use can always be used for bullet points later. Your sub-headline in black... We've already got 3 different font sizes (preheader, main headine, subheadline) - you need to keep these uniform, the same. Check out my copywriting website via my profile to see an example of how it should be done. This preheader, you are making one hell of a claim there. How can you back it up? Are you in a verified, professional position to back up this outrageous claim? Straightaway reading this, most visitors BS meters will instantly go off the scale and they'll click away faster than you can blink. "As Seen On"... Get rid of those logos, they're not doing you any favors at all. They're most certainly not aiding your credibility factor. No point in them being there in the slightest. It's gimmicky, looks cheap and doesn't do a single solitary thing to sell this to your target audience. Now, your first sentence or should I say, paragraph... It's way too long. Shorten it massively. It needs to be no more than 6-8 words at absolute most. The first sentence has one purpose only. And that is to get the reader, the visitor to read the 2nd sentence down. Lets explain this in a little more detail... The preheader, that is the very first line at the very top of the page, it has just the one primary function. And that is to get the visitor to read the main headline. The purpose of the main headline serves two primary functions...one it grabs the visitors attention whilst highlighting a major believable benefit. And it also (hopefully) inspires the reader to read the very 1st sentence. As mentioned, the 1st sentence should be very short, it's purpose is only to get the visitor to read the 2nd sentence down and so on and so forth all the way down your sales copy. In short you are creating a slippery sales funnel (gravity pulling sales copy) always cajoling, encouraging, nudging, positively kicking up the backside the reader...to get further into your copy - to take very decisive action at the conclusion / end (buying your product.) You must also ensure that all of your sentences make perfect sense, paying particular attention to the subconscious emotions raised within your target audience. Jar the general readers emotions from one feeling to another feeling or wose, not making any sense at all, they'll very quickly click away from your sales page. Your bullet points are there for the speed readers (skimmers), these should be highlighting the major benefits of your product, not asking asking questions as you have done in this piece at the beginning. Just above your bullet points is your 1st subheading (in purple), a most odd color choice if ever i saw one. Change it to the same color as your main headline (red) and again use subheadings to bring attention to a major benefit. Break up large amounts of text with plenty of white space. Use a combination of short, punchy sentences and longer sentences to hold the visitors attention. Remember, you want the visitor to keep sliding down your sales letter all the way to the bottom where hopefully they will take your desired course of action. (Buy your product) I'm afraid this is about all I have time for, for now. If the deck, the intro, the setting of the 'buyers environment' is anything to go by so far - you've got a hell of a lot of work to do to bring this piece up to scratch. No amount of money I'm afraid would entice me though to write a sales letter within this niche (please don't ask.) Don't be offended by this, I do turn down 80% of the copywriting projects presented to me and my copywriting rates do start at a bare minimum of $1,500 with most starting near $3,000. Good luck editing this piece, use my copywriting website for further sound advice if you need it or continue asking questions below and if I can spare the time, I'll be happy to help you out. Best, Mark Andrews - Copywriter