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Is this a good headline and sub-headline…

Discussion in 'Copywriting' started by imiconcepts, Jan 4, 2019.

  1. #1
    Hi Guys,

    This is for a weight loss product for women, I would like your opinion or suggestions on what you think about this headline and sub-headlines:

    I Felt Old, Fat and Depressed
    SEMrush
    “Afraid My Husband Would Leave Me for a
    Skinner, More Attractive Woman…”

    Read This Special Report To Discover How I Went from Worrying About My and My Marriage Ending… To Getting a Slim, Slender Body That My Hubby Just Loves!


    Thanks in advance!
     
    imiconcepts, Jan 4, 2019 IP
    SEMrush
  2. Spoiltdiva

    Spoiltdiva Prominent Member

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    #2
    First off finish editing and fix this glaring omission. Next eliminate the word special as it will be up to the reader to determine that. Also eliminate where you started with the word guys. After all, don't you want women to read this too?
     
    Spoiltdiva, Jan 4, 2019 IP
  3. OpenScribes

    OpenScribes Active Member

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    #3
    'Skinner', by which I assume you mean skinnier, may have negative connotations among many audiences.
     
    OpenScribes, Jan 4, 2019 IP
  4. imiconcepts

    imiconcepts Active Member

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    #4
    What word would you suggested I use in place of the word 'skinnnier'?
     
    imiconcepts, Jan 4, 2019 IP
  5. mmerlinn

    mmerlinn Notable Member

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    #5
    Well, you could go with the synonym "less fatter" but I doubt that would be an improvement.
     
    mmerlinn, Jan 4, 2019 IP
  6. qwikad.com

    qwikad.com Illustrious Member Affiliate Manager

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    #6
    Just use fit.
     
    qwikad.com, Jan 5, 2019 IP
  7. JerryNoTom

    JerryNoTom Peon

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    #7
    Just eliminate that part with skinnier
     
    JerryNoTom, Jan 8, 2019 IP