hello, here is my sales letter. i am wondering if you think it is good. comment with ideas to make it better plz. Dear Success Seeker: In just as little as 1 hour you can be making real money online just like I did. Do you know that the power to produce a high income from home is easily yours for the taking, regardless of who you are or how much experience you have? Better Yet - Did you know that you can start making your money within the next few hours? It's True! But there are a couple things that I want you to realize though, life hasn't always been like this for me. The first thing that I want you to know is that I am just an average regular person like you are. I am really not different at all. Chances are that you are just like I was a few years ago, trying to be successful online only to end up failing every single time. Believe me, I've been there so many times before! Not long ago I was working about 45 to 70 hours a week and barely making enough to keep my head above water. There were nights I couldn't even sleep - I would try to, but I would constantly have really bad tension headaches right above my shoulders that never stopped. I would lie there awake thinking that there had to be a better kind of life than this. Just like you, I would search the internet night and day for answers - and I would buy program after program wishing to find something that really worked. You know - a program that actually did what it promises! I struggled for over a year losing thousands and thousands of dollars, and my credit card was maxed out. I felt like I failed my wife and my children plus I felt totally lost. During the next few months of that period, I started to just give up. I thought this was it, this was going to be the way I lived for the rest of my life. Then something clicked - It was about 1:00am in the morning, I couldn't sleep and I was sitting at my kitchen table in total darkness. With so many things racing through my head, it hit me like a ton of bricks! I figured there were only a few things that needed to be in place to be successful online. Things that every program I ever bought never pointed out! Since then I have used these methods to produce a massive income online, and not one single time have they ever failed me. I call it Untold Money Secrets, because literally no one will ever tell you anything about them. They are solid concepts that will work each and every time! They take little effort to put in place, and the best part is they work immediately! Order the Untold Money Secrets Membership right now... and remember that I back my system with a complete 30 Day Guarantee ! This means that if you dont make money within 30 days, You qualify for a refund! Click below and get started right now and access Untold Money Secrets at over 60% off of the normal $30 per month price, and recieve it today for just $10 per month!
You should make it more personal. Give the potential buyer the feeling he is special. And also emphasize the fact that the 40% discount is temporary, he should act now! Or miss out. Easy money + a feeling of importance + Time limit often equals sale with the gullible
Okay: Here you set up a relation to work from, that you can come back to at the end of the sales text. Like this for example: I know how you must feel, because that was me not to long ago. I know that even a small amount like *insert cash figure here* can be hard to muster when you are struggling to get by, so for you I am able to offer you this amazing piece of information which turned my life around for only *insert discounted cash amount here*, but hurry, because I can not allow this offer to stay up for longer then XX hours, as this information will only be passed on to a limited amount of people, in order not to saturate the market. After 48 hours I will have to increase the price to *insert large amount here*. Now don't copy this word for word, rewrite it in your own words, to keep the flow of the sales letter going.
It's not bad but I had to force myself to read it. My first honest thought..."Oh, damn, not another I got rich on the Internet and you can too peddler." After actually reading it through, my mind wasn't changed. You've offered no reasons why I should believe that "your program" actually works or that it's not just like every other, I've got an ebook to sell you program that promotes building 5 gazillion micro niche sites and putting Adsense on them. Please understand, I mean no offense and am only telling you how this cynical writer received your letter. I do thank you for not using "Dear Friend" - oh that expression makes me cringe. But, I do wonder why everyone is fixated on having their squeeze page start with "Dear ____" instead of a friendly "Hello, my name is Nick and I .....". Yeah, the big copywriting experts do it that way with the $xx,xxx letters but you're simply not targeting the same folks. You're selling yourself, your program and your wisdom - I'd work on developing a relationship with prospects to show you are about more than just selling yet another get rich quick scheme. One last thought, count how many times you used the word "I" and how many times you used "us", "we" or more importantly "you."
Here is my updated Sales Letter : Hello, My name is Klein Morley and I am going to tell you a little secret… In just as little as 1 hour you can be making real money online just like I did. Do you know that the power to produce a high income from home is easily yours for the taking, regardless of who you are or how much experience you have? Better Yet – Did you know that you can start making your money within the next few hours? It’s True! I'm SHOCKED. I can't believe it’s happened, but somehow, someway, they have managed to keep it all hidden... They've managed to keep the public vainly fighting for table scraps while they fill their wallets to the point of exploding... Well now they have profited enough and now it's your turn to grab a piece of the pie... But who are “they†and what exactly am I talking about? “They" are the internet Hogs. Super affiliates and wonder gurus... Guys that build fences and walls to you keep you out... All for their own gain… If you don’t want to start Digging Through the Internet’s Biggest Money Mountain for your Own Financial Gain, then Read no Further... I am just an average regular person like you are. Not long ago I was working about 45 to 70 hours a week and barely making enough to keep my head above water. Chances are that you are just like I was a few years ago, trying to be successful online only to end up failing every single time. Believe me, I’ve been there so many times before! There were nights I couldn’t even sleep – I would try to, but I would constantly have really bad tension right on my neck that wouldn’t stop. I would lie there awake thinking that there had to be a better kind of life than this. I struggled for over a year losing thousands and thousands of dollars, and then, my credit card was maxed out. I felt like I failed my wife and my children plus I felt totally lost. During the next few months of that period, I started to just give up. I thought this was it, this was going to be the way I lived for the rest of my life. Then… Something clicked – It was about 1:00am in the morning, I couldn’t sleep and I was sitting at my kitchen table in total darkness. With so many things racing through my head, it hit me like a ton of bricks! I figured there were only a few things that needed to be in place to be successful online. Things that every program I ever bought never pointed out! Since then I have used these methods to produce a massive income online, and not one single time have they ever failed me. I call it Untold Money Secrets, because literally no one would have ever told you anything about them. They are solid concepts that will work each and every time! They take little effort to put in place, and the best part is they work immediately! There is are some problems though… • The truth is that most newcomers to making money online fail because they get told too much information. Everybody is telling them they need to know this, do that, don't do THAT! Buy this product! Follow this system! This entire information overload leads to "analysis paralysis". • You're scared to do anything in case you get it wrong and LOSE MONEY. Or you start something, and then change course mid–stream. • You're scared of investing time (and money) into a dead end. • You're trying to build a better life for yourself and your family, but you still need to keep paying the bills, so you're still working away at your "real job". • You can't decide which direction to move in, so you don't go anywhere! (And this is a terrible shame, because it's actually very easy to succeed if you know the right things. You just need to follow instructions...) The funny thing is that it's often the very smartest people who end up floundering. The people with all the experience end up thinking it’s impossible. The people who succeed are the people who just put their heads down and do it. They might see someone else's money making site and say "I'm going to do one like that!" and that's what they do. So… "Yes Klein, count me in!" • I get the Untold Money Secrets Membership for automated profits with nothing held back, ready to login Instantly • I get a free 6 month subscription to the Newsletter, which has a retail valus of 19.95 per month • I understand there is no risk on me at all. I am backed with a 30 day money back guarantee, which means that if I don’t make money after 30 days, I can get my money back On that basis, I’m ready to get started right now. Click below and get started right now and access Untold Money Secrets at over 60% off of the normal $30 per month price, and receive it today for just $10 per month!
As a little old lady in a famous commercial once said, "Where's the beef???" It's all sizzle and no steak, to quote another phrase.
Why do you people always insist on making me hungry! Now I got a craving for steak! (And I am way to fat already!)
lol wow ppl anyways i went with the second one and just finished setting it up. here is the url i hope its not bad to post it or mod please delete it the url is untoldmoneysecrets.info
Your figures dont add up... I get a free 6 month subscription to the Newsletter, which has a retail value of 19.95 per month "access Untold Money Secrets at over 60% off of the normal $30 per month price, and receive it today for just $10 per month!"