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I'm seriously thinking about killing myself

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by tibberous, May 9, 2017.

  1. #1
    Last couple years I had a bad breakup, lost a couple hundred thousand, basically everything but 1 paid off house worth like $40,000. I've been clean like 4 months now off heroin but it's like I can't get myself back to making money. I used to make $100,000 a year and grow at least that much weed on the side; now it's like every day I can wake up and literally say "this is the worst I've ever done".

    I'm not even sure why I'm posting this. I wish there was something I could do to just put everything back the way it was, or there was some idea that'd motivate me again. I'm not even sad, I just don't want to be alive.
    SEMrush
     
    tibberous, May 9, 2017 IP
    SEMrush
  2. iowawriter4hire

    iowawriter4hire Greenhorn

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    #2
    Sorry to hear you're going through this! It sounds like life has dealt you a rough hand, and cleaning up the mess from it hasn't been easy for you. Since you mentioned suicide, I'm very concerned for you, and at the same time, also sorry that I'm unable to help directly. However, if you feel like you're in danger right now, I suggest calling 911 or your area's equivalent. Otherwise, the people at https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ can offer you some assistance by phone or chat. If you're not in the U.S, there's this website: http://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/
     
    iowawriter4hire, May 9, 2017 IP
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  3. tibberous

    tibberous Active Member

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    #3
    Everything was going to be perfect. I had a house, an SUV, $90,000, the girl I loved since high school. We ended up not working out because she slept with another guy, I was heart broke, turned to drugs.

    I never understood those suicide hotlines. If you don't want to kill yourself its not like you need someone to stop you.
     
    tibberous, May 9, 2017 IP
  4. iowawriter4hire

    iowawriter4hire Greenhorn

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    #4
    Wow, I'm sorry to hear she cheated on you! That wasn't right of her to betray your trust at all, and you deserved better out of her. You invested a lot in this relationship in terms of time and money, and are still picking up the pieces, so it's understandable you're still feeling like this. You expected to be in this for the long haul, not in this position.

    I think the point of those hotlines is to have someone to talk to when you're at a low point in life. If nothing else, I want you to promise me you won't hurt yourself today.
     
    iowawriter4hire, May 9, 2017 IP
  5. tibberous

    tibberous Active Member

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    #5
    Yeah, today has been shitty - I have a $24,000 check I can't cash because it's made out to me AND another party. Besides, if I do do something I'm not going to risk half-assing it and ending up hurt or in the hospital.
     
    tibberous, May 9, 2017 IP
  6. Simon Baker

    Simon Baker Greenhorn

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    #6
    Russian saying: While there is life, there is hope.

    You may feel like you want to kill yourself but just like everything else, it too will pass. Seek out the company of friends. Talk about how you feel. There have been worse things but just like everything, its all in the mind.

    You mentioning having had a substance abuse problem may have affected the chemical balance of your brain. Keep that in mind. Your impulses are triggered by chemicals your body produces. Take control of your mind. Remind yourself that how you look at things are greatly affected by the chemicals in your brain. As long as you are self aware of that, you should be able to properly assess yourself.
     
    Simon Baker, May 10, 2017 IP
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  7. scurvy

    scurvy Active Member

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    #7
    Just consider what you have going for you. Nuttin?
    ok then.
     
    scurvy, May 10, 2017 IP
  8. Roment Biplob

    Roment Biplob Banned

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    #8
    Looking for a JV.. Would you like to join...? I guess its better to join me than what you are thinking now.. :)
     
    Roment Biplob, May 10, 2017 IP
  9. Spoiltdiva

    Spoiltdiva Prominent Member

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    #9
    If it looks like a scam, smells like a scam...and reads like a scam...it's a scam. I'm not buying anything that you are selling. Let others on here buy into this.....
     
    Spoiltdiva, May 10, 2017 IP
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  10. tibberous

    tibberous Active Member

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    #10
    The problem is getting clean and trying to feel better doesn't change my current situation.

    Imagine you spent like 10 years building a life, then lost your house, credit, business contacts, ect. And the stuff you worked for the first time you never got to enjoy because right before the 'payoff' it all went to shit. Now that my money has run out, I'm wondering if this isn't the last stage to being able to just finally die. No diversions or drugs left to numb anything, just me alone.
     
    tibberous, May 10, 2017 IP
  11. jrbiz

    jrbiz Illustrious Member

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    #11
    Another way to look at this is that today is the first day of the rest of your life and, at this point, things can only get better. Think back to when you first got started on your adult life. What steps did you take and what activities did you take part in? They will provide a guide as to how you can get things going again. Becoming successful is hardest the first time. The second time is easier (though not necessarily easy) because you have a recipe for success and also have experienced what worked and didn't work.

    By the way, whether you are reaching out to a suicide phone line or an Internet Marketing forum, the fact that you are reaching out at all is a good sign for you.
     
    jrbiz, May 10, 2017 IP
  12. tibberous

    tibberous Active Member

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    #12
    I spent a lot of years programming but the real money came from growing. I was pulling in 20k a month a lot of months - cleared out debt, had a retirement plan and everything. I try to get my 'hustling' mentality back but sometimes I don't know if I can keep my heart in it long enough to fix things. I'm trying to get back to spending time online - it used to be a lifestyle, but the last few years I've barely been online, I've just been spending the remnants of my past life.
     
    tibberous, May 10, 2017 IP
  13. Simon Baker

    Simon Baker Greenhorn

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    #13

    I dont think you understood what I was trying to tell you. What you are going thruough is irrelevant to my comment (Please dont take that in a bad way, its not my intention to insult or offend you). What Im trying to say is you need to take control of your mind. Your attitude towards your situation is greatly influenced by the chemicals in your brain (or the imbalance of). You need to step away from yourself and assess the situation from a 3rd person point of view. Realizing that you are not thinking right is the first step out of depression.
     
    Simon Baker, May 11, 2017 IP
  14. digbadsit

    digbadsit Member

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    #14
    I have never thought about suicide, but I fell into depression thousands of times and I think I understand you perfectly. You just need to pull yourself together and do what changes you. For me it's a guitar and my music.
     
    digbadsit, May 15, 2017 IP
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  15. tibberous

    tibberous Active Member

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    #15
    Well, I got my $24,000! Not exactly wolf of walstreet, but I'm hoping it's enough to get something going:

    Items:

    Week grow op
    Tor (deep web) store
    Affiliate marketting if I can find a nitch that isn't supersaturationed

    Any items ideas?
     
    tibberous, May 17, 2017 IP
  16. jrbiz

    jrbiz Illustrious Member

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    #16
    My advice is don't blow the money on wild schemes and put yourself back in the position you were about ten days ago. Develop a plan to make that money last while you work hard to get a project going and get your head back on straight (two different, but very important projects.)
     
    jrbiz, May 18, 2017 IP
  17. 3initial

    3initial Member

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    #17
    I feel for you. Fairly recently i fell into a dark place with depression and anxiety after a break up and drug abuse, i get where you're coming from.

    I'm not the best with advice but i can share my path...
    I moved away from the town i grew-up in to get away from the drugs, memories and reminders. Every day i found one specific thing that i loved and made my positive about life in general. Focussed on aims and goals a day at a time.
     
    3initial, May 18, 2017 IP
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  18. superrichguy

    superrichguy Well-Known Member

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    #18
    Glad you cashed the check. Having money or not should not define yourself. At one time I had plenty of cash and a woman I married, she cheated, took the house, the bank and I just let her, I was young and dumb. I went thru it all. But I came out on top, great job, happy wife, gorgeous kids and money in the bank. Just know you will get out of the rut. Get back to growing, its very relaxing (as long as the bugs and mold stay away lol)
     
    superrichguy, Jun 6, 2017 IP
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  19. Alandontlove

    Alandontlove Peon

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    #19
    I once tried killing myself 'life had got me down' i'd lost my home, kids and what i thought everything! It was all gone, I new I could get it all back if i worked hard but i had no will to live' i procided to hang myself off a door handle' I dont want to go into to much details other than this ' as i was close to passing out i changed my mine and thought of my children, i went to undo the slip not and it had tighten to much! i nearly passed out and if i had have not got it open i would have died and all my loved ones would have thought i ment to as thats how it was to start Ive never tried to take mylife again and hope my story helps you and anyone reading. please like by Alan Bishop
     
    Alandontlove, Jun 11, 2017 IP
  20. phplduser

    phplduser Greenhorn

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    #20
    When things hit rock bottom, Generally, They can only get better from that point.
     
    phplduser, Jun 13, 2017 IP