I want YOUR opinion on my Copy!

Discussion in 'Reviews' started by ohad10114u, Nov 21, 2013.

  1. #1
    Guys I want your opinion on my copy.
    It's not finished yet but It will be in a few days.

    When your writing your feedback please also include ways to improve and not just criticism.

    here is the link
    traffictriumph.com

    Thanks
     
    Last edited: Nov 21, 2013
    ohad10114u, Nov 21, 2013 IP
  2. Spoiltdiva

    Spoiltdiva Acclaimed Member

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    #2
    If you fear criticism then you don't really want honest feedback. What you are hoping for is flattery, that's not worth a whole lot.
     
    Spoiltdiva, Nov 22, 2013 IP
    ryan_uk likes this.
  3. averyz

    averyz Well-Known Member

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    #3
    The huge RED heading is horrible and horribly written. But... I really like the rest of the page. It is personal but doesn't stray from the underlying point you are gong after. I like it, if you get clean up the heading.

    I think it would look good with a calmer title and maybe a pic of yourself so people can have a visual as the read about you.
     
    averyz, Nov 22, 2013 IP
  4. TextServices

    TextServices Active Member

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    #4
    The heading / title is hard to read and needs to be condensed.
    Example:
    Get Over 10,000 Visitors a Day – Every Day – To Your Site With This Amazing FREE Product!

    People, in general, do not like to read. Yes, you broke the text up so it's not a wall of text, but people are not going to take the time to read all of that text. Condense the top part about you. People are looking for whatever it is you're trying to sell them on or give away. They don't really care about you. There are many tutorials and templates online for designing effective landing/sales pages.
     
    TextServices, Nov 22, 2013 IP
  5. TREYC

    TREYC Active Member

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    #5
    It was adequate, I honestly feel like this might have been a rushed job. Try and take your time when writing, find words that people usually wouldn't implement to catches readers eyes. Sometimes the sentences are short and stubborn, for example "Boy I hated this job."

    >don't quote me on that
     
    TREYC, Nov 22, 2013 IP
  6. Cone Man

    Cone Man Active Member

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    #6
    I think your title contains too many words. I lost interest. Big red text should be simple and attention grabbing. All you need to say is: "16,000+ Visitors to Your Site". The rest can be up to you. Maybe put another "Buy Now" button a bit higher up, even another two. Put some quotes and big fonts around the article to catch peoples eye, and keep them on the page.
     
    Cone Man, Nov 22, 2013 IP
  7. Mystique

    Mystique Well-Known Member

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    #7
    Criticism is in fact what should be asked for when it comes to improving in whatever thing one embraces.
     
    Mystique, Nov 22, 2013 IP
  8. BeLiveItEu

    BeLiveItEu Peon

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    #8
    You can try with a nice banner(nice designed, not only text) for your title, becouse this contains to many words. Also you are have a lot of information, very hard to read all text. You can try to keep only relevant information and to add some design ellements.
     
    BeLiveItEu, Nov 23, 2013 IP
  9. Vlasic

    Vlasic Active Member

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    #9
    I, too, felt like there was too much of a reading. I realize you want customers to empathize with you, but this method has been abused in so many ways by so many scammers, I personally stopped reacting to it.

    Also, I did not like the last paragraph where you say once the promotional offer ends, the price goes up and there will be no guarantee. This only emphasizes how anxious you are to get instant sales. You contradict the previous paragraph about your client's grandchildren getting a refund from you. That is unnecessary and sounds unprofessional.

    To me, phrases like 'action-takers' that urge me to buy something asap act like a repellent. Again, this trigger has been over-used and lost its novelty. The only situation where I might take action asap is when the offer is by an established provider, such as Bitdefender, Grammarly, Samsung, BestBuy, you name it.

    I would like to see the contents of your book on the first page, and user feedback to the right side because it occupies too much space within the copy.

    You have obviously put your heart and soul into this product, and the price is a give-away, but your product is not clearly visible behind your personal story. If your clients say the book is free from filler content, do the same with your copy - condense it, or divide it into individual pages, such as Price, Guarantee, About Me, Contents of the Book or Teaser, User Feedback, etc.
     
    Vlasic, Nov 24, 2013 IP