My wife dresses to kill. She also cooks the same way. ************ My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met . ************ A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. ************ I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, "There was water in the carburetor." I asked her, "Where's the car?" She replied, "In the lake." ************ The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret. ************ I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months - I don't like to interrupt her. ************ My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate. So I got myself two girlfriends. ************ Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished. ************ A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" The father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying." ************ A man placed an ad in the classifieds: "Wife wanted." The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same: "You can have mine." ************ * It's not true that married men live longer than single men. It only seems longer. ************ * Losing a wife can be very hard. In my case, it was almost impossible. ************ * A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he can ask for whatever he wants, but his mother-in-law gets double of what he gets. The man thinks for a moment and says, Okay, give me a million dollars and beat me till I'm half dead." ************ ** The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once .