Hurricane Hits Essex

ESSEX HURRICANE APPEAL

A major hurricane (Hurricane Shazza) and earthquake measuring 5.8 on the Richter Scale hit Essex in the early hours of Friday with its epicentre in Basildon. Victims were seen wandering around aimlessly, muttering "Fa****kinell".

The hurricane decimated the area causing approximately £30 worth of damage. Several priceless collections of mementos from Majorca and the Costa Del Sol were damaged beyond repair. Three areas of historic burnt out cars were disturbed. Many locals were woken well before their giros arrived. Essex FM reported that hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered and were still trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting had happened in Basildon.

One resident - Tracy Sharon Smith, a 15-year-old mother of 5 said, "It was such a shock, my little Chardonnay-Mercedes came running into my bedroom crying. My youngest two, Tyler-Morgan and Victoria-Storm slept through it all. I was still shaking when I was skinning up and watching Trisha this morning."

Apparently looting, muggings and car crime were unaffected and carried on as normal. The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of Sunny Delight to the area to help the stricken locals. Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal belongings, including benefit books, jewellery from Elizabeth Duke at Argos and Bone China from Poundland.

HOW CAN YOU HELP?

This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those unfortunate enough to be caught up in this disaster. Clothing is most sought after - items most needed include:

Fila or Burberry baseball caps

Kappa tracksuit tops (his and hers)

Shell suits (female)

White sport socks

Rockport boots

Any other items usually sold in Primark.

Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same.

From: http://www.a4uforum.co.uk/showthread.php?t=49689

 

LEEDS TORNADO - AN APPEAL
A tornado hit Leeds last week, specifically East End Park, causing widespread damage. Casualties were seen wandering aimlessly saying

'bang out of order', 'mental' and 'that did my head in'. The Tornado decimated the area causing in excess of £7.55 worth of damage.

Several priceless collections of mementoes from Ibiza and Corfu were damaged beyond repair. Three preserved areas of historic burned out

cars were destroyed. Many locals were woken before their Giro's arrived. One resident, Tracey Sharon Smith a 15 year old mother of four said 'It was such a shock, little Chardonnay-Leigh came running into my bedroom crying and my hands were shaking that much I could hardly skin up whilst I was watching Trisha'

The British Red Cross has so far managed to send 4000 crates of Sunny Delight to the area to help with the crisis. Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found numerous 'Elizabeth Duke' sovereigns, benefit books, bone china from Pound-Stretcher and Argos catalogues. However they have not managed to save any furniture from Crazy George's as yet.

How can you help?
This appeal hopes to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those unfortunate enough to be caught up in the disaster. Clothing is most sought after. Urgently needed are La Coste tracksuits (his and hers preferably), white socks, Burberry caps, woolly Beanny hats and Reebok trainers. Food parcels are also needed. They include McCain's Micro-chips, Aldi Beans, Monster Munch and Iceland Pizzas.

Alcohol is also in short supply, especially White Lightning Cider and Carlsberg Special Brew. Cash donations are also needed. 22p buys a Bic Biro for signing on, £2.50 buys a jumbo sausage dinner, £3.00 buys a blag CD and £26.00 buys 200 Regal from Tommo who just got back from Kavos.

 

Bling I luv it what a mess, god damn it, chavs in giro storm

 

Sunny D? SICK!

That's just wrong!

 

Cor blimey Jack Straw will donate unwanted Islamic Veils to the needy

 

I give up, there's just nothing funny to say about Surrey.

 

lol certainly sums up essex (Yes im from essex)

 

"Victims were seen wandering around aimlessly, muttering "Fa****kinell"

lol! Still laffing me ead of mate!