have a new life. run away to somewhere that nobody knows you and you know nobody. start yourself as a new person there. that's the only way.
Means... I wish it would be rather end of the life than live this one ... Thanks to all for theories, some are worth to try But, I'm too useless, lost case, no chance...
A root of bitterness can grow up in a person because of unforgiveness. Sometimes being you're own worst critic just isn't fun. Stop judging yourself and you'll see the freedom it brings.