How GTA 4 was ruined for me

I just have to share the story of my wife playing GTA IV for the first time. I want to make a couple things clear before I start this absurd story. 1. I love girl gamers. I think its awesome when girls get really into video games and break stereotypes by whooping ass in COD4 or GTA IV multiplayer. I’m not trying to hate on girl gamers. 2. I love my wife and she is very understanding of my video game obsession.

Ok, now that the disclaimer is over, I can proceed with the story.
As of late, much of my time has been spent in the friendly confines of Liberty City, and my wife has been extremely tolerant of my gaming time. Last weekend we were about to go out to eat, so I began shutting the game down when the thought popped in my head, “After watching me play for hours, I wonder if my wife wants a turn?” She was sitting on the couch next to me, so I extended the controller to her and asked, “You wanna drive around for a bit?” She replied, “Sure, why not.” During her time in Liberty City, my wife somehow manage to suck all of the fun out of GTA IV.

I was in some ****ty coupe when she took over the wheel, and she began tooling around the city in a leisurely fashion. I mentioned that she might want a slicker ride, and helped her exit the car and attempt to jack another one. She ran up to a car with two homeboys in it and yanked the door open, but that’s when things went horribly wrong. She walked away from the car, and one of the gentlemen came chasing with a baseball bat. In all the excitement, she clicked the left stick sending Niko into a crouch then yelled “Why does my guy keep ducking??” I yelled “Click the left-stick” repeatedly without realizing she would have no idea what that actually meant. Attempting to flee the scene, she crouch-walked down the street only to get whipped some more with by the guy with the bat. Miraculously, somehow she ended up punching the guy several times, knocking him out, and getting his bat. After walking around in circles a few times, it was finally time to leave the scene. As she was leaving, we saw the guy she just beat up limping away. I suggested she finish him off and she said “Awww, that’s not nice, he learned his lesson.” He learned his lesson indeed.

After making it through our first big fight, my wife ran up to a trash dumpster and began repeatedly hitting it with her new baseball bat (because she wanted to swing the bat but hitting people is mean she said). This went on for around 2 minutes before I suggested that she moved on to a different, perhaps more entertaining, activity. She ran over to a huge semi truck and jacked it. I thought to myself “This should be fun, there is no way she is going to be able to drive that around and not get in trouble.” I couldn’t have been more wrong. As the semi began to lumber out of its parking spot my wife exclaimed, “Oooh, you know what will be fun, driving around and obeying all of the traffic rules.” Yeah, because THAT’S what makes GTA IV a great game, obeying all the rules! What the holy hell is wrong here!?!?

My wife played this mind-numbingly boring game of obeying traffic lights for around 5 minutes before accidentally hitting an elderly pedestrian while traveling about 2 miles an hour. My wife gasped and lept from her truck to “check and see if she is ok.” I’m not making this **** up. I asked my wife, “What are you going to do if she is injured…throw her in your semi and take her to the hospital?” to which she replied, “Can you do that in this game?” Sadly…no. (unfortunately, the poor old woman did not make it through the accident.)

After the tragedy of mowing down the old woman, my wife decided driving a semi was a little to much vehicle for her to handle in a safe manner. She jacked a parked car and immediately was pursued by Liberty City’s finest. Amazingly, she was able to escape the grasp of the long arm of the law (I believe she ran some stoplights during the chase.) That may have been a little too much excitement because after fleeing to safety she decided her time in Liberty City was over. She handed the controller back to me, and I immediately began plugging pedestrians with my shotgun because I was full of pent up GTA rage from watching that lame-ass traffic law game. Seeing my murderous rampage, my wife yelled “Stop! Stop! You’re being like that kid from Virginia Tech!” Seriously, I’m not making this **** up. Chalk one up for Jack-****ing-Thompson.

 

hahahaha. Awesome story, it's almost too funny to be true!

 

lol that was amazing, had me laughing

How can people be like that with GTA? It's not to be taken like real life...it's a game dammit! The purpose of which is mainly to go and kill folk.

I love girl gamers (when they are good)...for some reason it turns me on a bit...

 

amazing man,its funny great

 

almost? what could I add to make it too funny to be true?

 

That is about the funniest thing ever.

 

that was quite funny "walking crouching down while guys chasing you) I know that feeling too, i hav eplayed this on my son's system.

 

i want gta4 in pc games

 

Great story, you must a good amount of time on your hands to write that whole thing. Meh, I guess all of us browsing the forum have time anyway.

 

Send your wife over to my house for a few. I will teach her a thing or two about how to really let loose while playing a video game!

Whenever my boyfriend brings his friends and their spouses over to the house, I pride myself in trying to corrupt as many wives as possible into playing video games, violently no less.

It's hilarious for me to get their stuck-up wives so addicted to video games that the husbands start bitching that they want their Xbox back!

And my boyfriend and I actually tried doing to same thing in Saints Row and got bored of it in about 5 minutes. We had to make every single person we could find pay for the boring 5 minutes we had actually trying to obey laws.

 

What is wrong with that? Obeying rules is harder than actually playing games. Besides what's witht he girls whooping ass on COD 4. I don't play it but on my online shooting experience I have encountered one girl and kicked her ass. Then i asked her to marry me and she said yes.

 

haha thanks for the morning (at least in canada) story. glad you guys had fun with the game, i was gonna get the game but i didn't and got GRID instead and now stuck with MGS4

 

haha lol
Poor dude......

 

I agree with you .Same thing from me.

 

funny story

 

Truly amazing
Good story,
~Jeremy~

 

haha that's really funny. I sometimes do that traffic thing. I just waste time by following rules and see if i can all the things right without losing my patience. But I always end up giving up and killing everyone around me.

 

lol awesome story