I haven't visited this site in years and found a link to a very old post of mine via Google. How do I delete my account and all of my old posts?
This forum is the embodiment of Catch - 22: "a dilemma or difficult circumstance from which there is no escape because of mutually conflicting or dependent conditions" Once you're here you can't escape it. The standard answer here is: Stop posting and your account will become as good as dead. Which, of course, is not true. Twitter desperately needs an Edit button. DP desperately needs a Delete My Account button.
Except that would then lead to stilted discussions where replies remain online but with no context. If your post is quoted that would remain with your account name intact. If it's as simple as the name matching then a username change would do the trick (except for those pesky quoted posts). There's a fee but it may be worth it. Then, as we're forever fearmongering with the kids... Report the problem post, it might be that it breaks the forum rules and should be deleted anyway. That's frequently the case.
The parts where I'd have to pay to change my username and that I can't have my account deleted. The account could be deleted and the content anonymized, other sites do that without an issue.