I have written an ebook on how to overcome panic attacks. However, i've been told that what i've posted below is not a traditional sales letter. Nonetheless, I feel that it would leave people wanting to read more and hence, clicking to buy. Please critique and let me know how I would make this into a proper sales letter or if it is good enough to stand alone and sell the book: Before writing this book, I'd been told that my qualifications fell short since I don't have a PHD. However, my qualifications may be more appropriate: I'm someone who was housebound from panic disorder. My life had been stripped away for 4 years until it returned to me one day. I'd gotten the sense that something extraordinary had happened when I discovered that panic attacks were only bad when I fought against them. It seemed like a miracle when my life got back to normal; as if I'd made some kind of deal with the devil, so to speak. Though I wanted to share my story with others, I feared that talking about my recovery would jinx me and start the panic cycle all over again. One day, I remembered that being comfortable with the cycle was what got me out it in the first place. There was no need to fear jinxes and I could indeed share my story with you! As a sufferer, you've probably read some books on how to deal with panic attacks. You've most likely found useful tips in these books. However, since you are now reading my book, you haven't yet found the answer. Rejoice my friend, you will find that answer in this book. When I searched for the answer in books on panic disorder, there were always a bunch of techniques that i've have to remember. I'm not trying to tell you that this is bad. However, when panic struck, I'd lose all ability to rationalize. This essentially made those techniques meaningless; not to mention the fact that I couldn't even remember all of them. In this book, I will not try to relax you with breathing techniques. You won't be told to repeat self-affirmations throughout the day. Although what goes through your mind is important, I will not tell you to think positively. You will not have to visualize; I do all of that for you. I may indeed love animals, but you won't find me advising that you play with them in an attempt to recude panic. You've probably already heard these and dozens of other techniques on how to fight panic disorder. Whats great about my book is that I'll take you out of the fighting mode. You will learn to become comfortable with panic attacks. When you become comfortable with them, you won't struggle to get rid of them. I don't mean to sound like a broken record but that last sentence bears repeating: when you become comfortable with panic attacks, you won't struggle to get rid of them. The time has come. Buckle up and get ready for the ride of your life. Consider me your captain on a boat. We're about to embark on a voyage through the panic sea to an island where there is no fighting. I realize that some of you have been drifting among the strong currents for a long time to join us mid-stream. I also realize there are some amongst us who are relatively new to this vast expanse of cobalt blue. In either case, welcome aboard. There are rough waters up ahead. At times, you'll feel our ship rock violently as we navigate through the storm. It may even seem like we're about to capsize. But believe me, this ship isn't going under. With nightfall upon us, soon it will be pitch black. We'll have to travel through thick darkness. Since you cannot see, you'll wonder how I'm able to steer our ship in the right direction. Well experienced at manning this vessel, be assured that I know these waters quite well. I am familiar with the terrors that lie beneath them. I know that when we anchor, a familiar setting awaits you within the island of no fighting; its the life that all sufferers leave behind to start battling panic attacks. Upon your arrival to the island, you'll pass through a port of entry different from the one you went through your first time there. After clearing a checkpoint, you'll notice that there aren't too many footprints in the sand around you. You'll be standing on ground that few have ever stood. You'll realize that you're time in the panic sea wasn't a floating prison sentence after all. There's even a good chance that the gamut of emotions caused by panic in your life has given you a gift. Before I was cast into unchartered waters, i was a one-dimensional guy. I took what others told me as the gospel truth since I didn't believe in myself. My creative juices were inactive and I was content to play the role of admirer in this world of movers-and-shakers. Now, i believe in myself and have more than enough creativity. Furthermore, I consider myself a mover-and-shaker in the world of panic attacks. Having been pushed around by panic disorder for years, one day, I let myself fall competely. Rising to my feet, I was able to shake hands with this enemy that acted as a bully who always beat me up and stole my candy. With regards to panic attacks, I want you to take the approach of, 'if you can't beat 'em, join 'em. For a minute, please take your eyes off the gushing white foam from the huge tidal wave heading our way. On the armrests of your seats, you'll notice a pair of headphones. When I struggled to remain afloat these murky waters around us, music was very significant for me. Barely able to keep my head from going under, I'd close my eyes and listen to songs that were symbolic of what was then an epic struggle. Through the course of our voyage, feel free to listen to these songs that I mention. The way i saw it, this was a war and I wanted to use everything at my disposal for the motivation to gain an advantage. Each time the panic knocked me down, I could only hope that there was going to be a day. Having played this scene in my mind countless times, here is what that day looked like: A rainbow beamed above the shores of an island after a storm. I stood looking out at an ocean that I nearly drowned in. On the horizon, all was calm for as far as the eye could see. There were no waves, not even the slightest movement atop the blue waters. A shimmer of blinding sunlight stretched across the ocean for miles. A triumphant feeling overtook me, as if I'd just opened a treasure full of gold. Amidst the euphoria, I ran around looking for someone to hug. I wanted to share my story with fellow panic sufferers of what it was like to go through hell and finally get my life back. I was the soilder returning from some distant land after making a hero's journey. In the distance, I heard feet beating down against the sand of this beach. Kicking up dirt from under their heels, people ran towards me from every direction. Some of them held microphones. Others carried TV cameras. Flashbulbs popped through the duststorm. There I was answering questions, somewhere under the rainbow. Whenever I talk to others about my days of panic, i'm usually reduced to tears. It is not sadness but more of a victory cry. I remember how much i suffered and how the only thing that mattered was being free from what seemed like a prison sentence. I remember telling people that even prisoners had better lives than me. I remember longing to meet that someone who knew the answer but afraid this person didn't exist. I remember twilights similiar to the one that we're now sailing into. In the offing, there is a large dorsal fin heading our way. Its picking up speed and will shortly dissappear under the water for a few seconds. When we see it again, we'll also see the large teeth of a great white shark. Trust me folks, there's no need to fear this monster. I've swam with him before.
People are saying your copy doesn't sound like a sales letter because it reads more like a story, doesn't push the product on the reader as most sales copy does, and has no call to action. If you'd like further help, feel free to PM me. I've recently employed an excellent sales writer who will be able to help you turn this in to something that will make sales.
Speaking from the rather dubious position of a sales copywriter, I like the storytelling angle. What you have to do now is to simply build upon it. You have the basic framework of what could become a great sales letter, but you're not really there yet. So what could you do to the copy above to make it sell? When it comes to products which help overcome an addiction/physical condition I am one of the few copywriters that believes in negative thinking. I would start by simply describing how a panic attack feels like in all the gory details and then present the product as the solution. The pitch would grow increasingly aggressive towards the end as I shift from storytelling to plain selling. I'm not saying that this is the only route you can follow, it's simply the way I would do it. Good luck with your project. Best regards, George
Here are a few vague things that you need to address: 1. What really are you selling? 2. What do you want your readers to do with what they read? 3. Why would they want to read what you've just written? Hope that helps.