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Hi, I need your opinion about my writing

Discussion in 'Copywriting' started by ketekmenek, Aug 1, 2011.

  1. #1
    I'm not native english.
    I write content for my site using gogole translator and few edit.
    please review my writing. is it good or bad?
    can my content be understood BY common reader.
    I just want to know how quality of my copywriting for my site.

    here example of my article :

    title : Getting rich fast from home,
    hello, I Ham, an unemployed who earn money from home and here I would said the the strategy for you earn money $ 100 – $ 1000 per day by working 2 hours at home.
    Perhaps you do not believe me that only by working 2 hours at home can earn at least $100 every day, and it’s done at home. But I prove it.
    I first tried to apply for the job at the bank and tax officials in hopes of a big salary but never passed the test interview. Finally, I decided to start making my own money system. With a budget of many failures and learn from others’ successes money system finally I can make yourself at home.
    Before we discuss further, I will discuss major capital of the success making money :
    1. Think: it’s easy money
    Yes, really think about and bear in mind that making money is easy and fast. Although you are now bankrupt, no money, lots of debt, famine, many bills. But in addition you are sleeping a lot and eating with a lot of money without thinking about what you think. They are the people who live to spend without the bother working.
    When you instill the thought that money was actually easier then success will begin to open doors for you. All roads will be easy, what meets these demands of each sale going to sell, any of what you want to come, and wealth will become part of your life. Believe me it will be proven.
    2. Be men of 20%
    Every thing in the world to follow the law pareto, pareto law what it is? Pareto Principle is a statistical calculation of the composition of the world says that every people are divided into two groups 20% – 80%. 20% of people are rich people are a lot of money, while 80% of humans are human. Although the number of rich people only 20% but they have the money 80% of the money supply, while the rest have only 20%.
    Rich people with money are affecting the lives and meet 80% of human life. 20% rule and regulate 80% of human lives because 20% of humans have the power of 80% while 80% had only the power of 20%. What are their strengths? It is money, intelligence, position.
    3. Create your own money system
    What is the money system? Money system is something that takes another person, useful to others, helping resolve problems and people will pay whatever for you because of the system.
    An example of the money system is Google. Google is a system of money because with Google online users will be helped to find online that they are looking for and they would be willing to pay for it.
    The main key of the money system is beneficial, and the public means can be used a lot of people. The more you wear the greater the money that you will be able to.
    I am sure you are still confused with my money system, and that makes the engine like Google or face book, or TV studios do not have much capital. The solution is to start with little money system.
    System is a lot of money that you can follow and you learn. When you join a MLM, or work at a large company with huge salaries meets these demands would be rich, but you will not be richer than the boss. Who’s the boss? He is the owner of the money system. So if you want to become rich and create millions of your own money system.
    To study the system of money and make money you can start learning from now. I have shown 4 link system of money above this article that you can learn. You do not have to join, just look further inside and learn. And then do the same as the example that you like.
     
    ketekmenek, Aug 1, 2011 IP
  2. MagicMonkey

    MagicMonkey Member

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    #2
    Your content is understandable but only barely. I can understand what you are trying to say (most of the time) but the grammar is very bad, the sentence structures are not very good and alot of it simply doesn't make sense. If you are trying to attract native readers they are unlikely to stay on your site for very long i'm afraid.

    I'd recommend working on you grammar and in the meantime hire someone else to write the content for your website or correct what you have written. Get an actual native speaker so that you can read the changes they make to your writing and pick up where you are going wrong.

    Hope that helps
    Sam
     
    MagicMonkey, Aug 1, 2011 IP
  3. Donutella

    Donutella Peon

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    #3
    I understood it. It took some re-reading but I got the point of your article. Sam is right, though - the structure and grammar isn't up to par for a native speaker, so hiring a native English speaker to write or re-write/edit your content would be ideal for you.
     
    In the meantime, keep practicing your English! You can visit these sites to brush up and learn more.

    http://grammar.quickanddirtytips.com/
    http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/
    http://www.bristol.ac.uk/arts/exercises/grammar/grammar_tutorial/index.htm
     
    Donutella, Aug 1, 2011 IP
  4. MagicMonkey

    MagicMonkey Member

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    #4
    @Donutella - got to say I found it very amusing that the third source you linked to is actually the university I went to.
    @ketekmek - keep practicing
     
    MagicMonkey, Aug 1, 2011 IP
  5. Donutella

    Donutella Peon

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    #5
    Haha, are you serious? :D That's awesome and quite a coincidence! Out of the billions of websites on the net, I happen to find the very one you went to college to. I love it. :)
     
    Donutella, Aug 1, 2011 IP
  6. yecall

    yecall Peon

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    #6
    Hi,I understand your content but it is missing the "flow" that comes from native speakers. It just reads as a bit choppy. I think it would be worth it if you want to write your own, to just simply have a native speaker proofread it for you to get the rhythm of the language. Good luck with this- you are almost there!
     
    yecall, Aug 2, 2011 IP
  7. GrantDraper

    GrantDraper Active Member

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    #7
    This is not a dig, but if I managed to land on that domain, i'd be gone within about 10 seconds. I only say it's not a dig because I can't write in any other language other than English, so fair play :)
     
    GrantDraper, Aug 2, 2011 IP
  8. dilon

    dilon Active Member

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    #8
    Well, your content occurs a lot's of grammar errors..Though it is understandable but it is in soft tones!! Try to keep practicing...Focus on grammar rules..your most of the sentences does not have make any sense!!
     
    dilon, Aug 6, 2011 IP
  9. MagicMonkey

    MagicMonkey Member

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    #9
    @ Dilon - alot of your sentences don't make sense either i'm afraid mate.
     
    MagicMonkey, Aug 7, 2011 IP
  10. WebBuddy

    WebBuddy Well-Known Member

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    #10
    @OP: Your article is understandable .... well, almost understandable. It's not too difficult to see what you are saying there and I must say that your content is far better than most trashy "make money online" articles but the language is ... ahem ... (cough, cough) .. not at par. If you really do intend to pursue writing you'll need to give lot more to it. Just slapping together info does not make for good reading .. you can get away with writing in broken sentences and bad grammar while offering super-niche/technical advice .. but for almost all other stuff, you'll need to grab the readers attention - something that you are clearly failing to do here. I don't mean to put you down, but lets call spade a spade. Best of luck buddy.... :)
     
    WebBuddy, Aug 7, 2011 IP
  11. omarabid

    omarabid Active Member

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    #11
    Try to improve the translated version as much as you can. I'll start for you

     
    omarabid, Aug 12, 2011 IP
  12. averyz

    averyz Well-Known Member

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    #12
    It has no flow and is very choppy. Kind of interesting to see what a translation tool does to an article, like building a piano with an axe.

    You should study verbs and sentance structure.
     
    averyz, Aug 12, 2011 IP
  13. trvsdjam

    trvsdjam Peon

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    #13
    do you use spinner??
     
    trvsdjam, Aug 15, 2011 IP
  14. Justin Mandel

    Justin Mandel Greenhorn

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    #14
    I agree with this poster. The way is is now it would not work if you looking to sell your services to an American/English crowd.

     
    Justin Mandel, Aug 15, 2011 IP
  15. guitarizma

    guitarizma Active Member

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    #15
    Howdy,
    Good to see that you want your mistakes to be pointed out! Not many people belong to that league. Hats off for the spirit :)

    It is difficult to sell your stuff on the internet with inappropriate (read improvable) language skills. You've got to be able to sell it the way your users want to buy and not the way you want to sell.

    If you want to set your cash registers rolling right away, I'd say you hire a writer (very affordable ones are available on different freelance sites) and become a voracious reader. Books are a man's best friend and you'd be able to improve fast.

    P.S - If you choose to hire a writer from one of those freelance sites, make sure the guy's worth his salt.

    Best of luck,
    Cheers!
     
    guitarizma, Aug 19, 2011 IP
  16. lightless

    lightless Notable Member

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    #16
    Find something else to do. Its crystal clear that you are not cut out for this. The earlier you move on to something else, the better for you.
     
    lightless, Aug 19, 2011 IP
  17. unknownpray

    unknownpray Active Member

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    #17
    You need to work hard at improving the quality of your content, and I might add that Google translator is just a mere substitute of the real thing, it only helps you get an idea of what is written and is no gurantee for quality content.
     
    unknownpray, Aug 22, 2011 IP
  18. ssla

    ssla Peon

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    #18
    Your writing is ok but I really suggest you learn English so you wouldn't rely in Google translator.English is not that hard to learn. It's actually one of the easiest language in the world.
     
    ssla, Aug 24, 2011 IP
  19. Spoiltdiva

    Spoiltdiva Notable Member

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    #19
    Your style of writing is what I refer to as a "humanistic style".In other words you come across as a likable,affable type.This is a very powerful writing "tool".If people can identify with the writer,then you have them and they will read on.(I did).However my critique does not come without criticism.You do need to brush up a bit on your English.Do this and you will do well.:)
     
    Spoiltdiva, Sep 14, 2011 IP
  20. JRLSolutions

    JRLSolutions Peon

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    #20
    Try using papergrader! Even if there are some things lost in translation, papergrader does a pretty good job of teaching writers what needs to be improved. And its 100% free.
     
    JRLSolutions, Sep 15, 2011 IP