For now the king was at peace,from destroying the last of the Seven Aka-taya.Here you go reader,as this story began,to how it ended. "Alas,I have completed the report sir,it is the finish of all the information you'll need about the Aka-taya."said Josef "Good,i have been waiting for thou to finish this report."said the king."I hope it will be of Great use,King Thrall."said Josef."Well,I've been wanting to ask you about these"Aka-taya" things.I wondered- Well,basicly this and only this. These aka-taya can shapeshift based what you've told me."said King thrall."Yes,they can morph into any being of choice and display many things to make you or other creatures believe it is of the true form."Said Josef."Then why don't they just morph into the form,although making a doppleganger?That can be accomplished correct?"Said a small but loud voice.King Thrall jerked his face to the side to notice his compainions Lief,Veritas and Kiyi where standing by the King's chamber doors."Well it is possible,but.........."said Josef."Yes Josef?Come out with it now,because we cannot stand while these Aka-Taya destroy our land in hopes of triumph over the human race!'said King thrall."Why,King thrall,you are a king but you are merely half of your companions ages-You aren't past the age of Twenty yet.How must you thrive to retract these Aka-taya and destroy them!?!"said Josef.King thrall roared."Why must you think i am so weak?You've seen me training,I've smashed walls with an easy strike of my fist!Why must you think i am not of excellence to fighting as my whole family?My family was the greatest swordsman family of them all!Of them all!!"Roared king thrall.Hurriedly,Thrall rushed past Josef and his 3 companions to the Chamber or Alliance,in the fourth floor bounty room.He noticed something was missing,and the room was emptier then usually.What am I missing,I cannot think of it! Thought King thrall.Repeatedly he counted everything in his mind what he had placed in this room.Thrall atlast gave up after about an hour of searching for a missing item or statue.Suddenly he felt as foolish as a Guard of Delta.Thrall ran as quickly as possible to the castle gates and saw a Toran with a pouch on his back looking like a long stick.He charged toward the toran with anger bigger then a volcano's height."WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING TORAN BARROW!"said King Thrall with much Enthusiasm."I,am taking what belongs to Aka-Unya"said the hooded toran,trying to rush out of Thralls reach.Ubruptly,an arrow plunged onto the ground infront of the toran citizian.He slipped and fell to the head,the arrow tip rushing through his left shoulder."Are you of ill-ness Thrall"said a small voice.As Thrall turned he knew it was his Mother,Arren."Thank you mother,I would of lost the Deltaron Blade if not for you!"Said Thrall,seizing his sword from the sack on the toran-cloth wearing man.Thrall kicked the man on the side to flip him over to see his face.As if a lightning bolt just hit him,he felt a large shock.it was an Aka-taya."This was no ordinary person from Tora,This....this is nothing ordinary-Mother,you just killed an Aka-taya!"cried Thrall.as Arren ran down as if somebody she had cared for as killed.Arren went pale,knowing that she had just killed a beast of such torment,such....fowlness so Easily,she was suprised."I don't believe this....This....this couldn't of happened so easily-"All of a sudden,a screech of noise was shot into the air.As Thrall looked up,a large beast with wings was flying straight down."Thrall!use the Sword!It confuses the beast into thinking you are allied with it and it is allied with you and everything you trust!"screamed Kiyi.Thrall jerked his head to see all of his companions staring side to side at Thrall and the beast."It is a dragon!!Don't harm it,they protected us!"screamed Veritas.Thrall Pointed the swords tip at the dragons forehead.Suddenly the dragon stopped with the look of fierceness, and landed on the ground next to Thrall,smashing the Aka-taya."Young king,I have seen what you have done,And the sword trick doesn't work with dragons young king.Soon,every other dragon will be here,to give you something of usefulness.The dragon turned its head to its pack and used its long pink tounge to throw a box to thralls hands.at Once Thrall tore it open.He stared,wondering why this gold circle was a present.What is this golden belt for....Why does it have Pouches with a circle of a certain color on each?thought Thrall.It is known as the Belt of Delta.Thought the dragon."Woah!You heard my thoughts...and i also heard yours.This is no ordinary belt i see now."said Thrall with a strange thought in his mind.Four other dragons landed nearby,holding small gems in each one of their clawed hands.They informed him that each gem had a place in the belt and certain powers.They also told him that he would have to earn a gem from the dragons by earning trust from each."So,for each gem,they hold a power,but also they can allow me to speak with any of you at any time?"said Thrall.Each and every one of the dragons nodded."The only thing is this.If you notice each gem is different,as are we dragons.I mean in color and personality.That is because each dragon as their own territory and gem.Also through each gem is basicly a portal bewteen each person,allowing them to speak and feel one anothers feelings through it.Just think of it has the Belt of speech and protection,strength,healing,intelligence,and honor.I hope you can find which of each of those goes into each gem and dragon."said the Lazol Reidus."Take me for example,I live near the Forest of Frozen death.And I am holding a green gem.You can tell what dragon i am."said the green dragon."So,as I learned now,each of you are...The Emerald,Ruby,Sapphire,Opal,Lapri-lazul,and the Lazol Reidus dragons.Why aren't there any more dragons of each type from you're territorys?"said king Thrall."Well,it hurts to say the tale,but our race was hunted to extinction by the seven-six now,Aka-taya.They hunted all of us down till only one remained from a territorySo basicly I'd know you one from the other by Green red blue white purple and Rainbow?"said Thrall."Correct,You are sharp by the mind young king.Gain Strength and Agility,you will be a great Leader as well as a great king to you're kingdom."Said the Sapphire dragon."Two of the six dragons have a special talent.They Act as a poison-antidote."said the Opal dragon."And the other gleams in light in the presence of poison or Illness."said the Lapri-lazul dragon."Yes,those two dragons who just spoke were speaking for the other,the Opal senses Poison or illness."Said the ruby dragon."Keep this belt on and don't let it out of your sight for a moment,for if this belt falls into the the hands of the Aka-taya,the world of Delta,Tora and Delran is over."roared all of the dragons speaking together.As they each bid goodbye,they bent their wings and gave a hard wing-beat pushing them off the ground.As Thrall snapped his belt on around him,he noticed that a gem was laying on the floor,the ruby.It had a note that thrall snatched up and read."Dear King," Thrall read.We will leave one with one gem to start,the ruby.I had one extra so I'd give you the gem of honor.Use it wisely,if you lose it,it will be harder then ever to regain one because of my loss of trust,Young King.As thrall finished the note,his Mother ran to him to see if he was hurt,although not she was sad.The 3 Companions also rushed over and greeted Thrall and pondered him into telling him about it all. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Hey Guys.Did you like my story?This is part one of 7,hope you enjoyed it.You may think that was simply done and the Aka-taya died just by the dragons clawed foot and the arrow in his shoulder,right?I would consider this. If the Aka-taya was a beast living through countless battles,and it was also hit and damaged through centuries,You probably have a different Opinion.Bear in mind,these Aka-taya aren't real beasts.They are human Sorcerers,that take their magic and turn themselves into vile things.That is how they kill.They are beasts,because they were once of the Delta protecters,but they one day found the King of Delta was tormenting a citizen of delta because of a misread action.Their minds were twisted by the image and they became the 7 aka-taya.They all have different names, Aka-unro aka-Sumi Aka-fili aka-crai aka-dofi aka-siko aka-king.The aka part was basicly made to mean what they are.basicly, it goes I am Peter A.K.A Spiderman.it is relative to that,so its aka-dofi aka-unro and etc.You get the point.I have seen from a reader this story...Sucks in his opinion.Please dont push me,I am of a poor boy in a poor family,I am currently going to print a few copies of this from best-buy and then sell them in school,best buy is allowing me because I am poor,they say...it is of the least they can do i think.I am from italy,but i am now in America.Disreguard many things about this.This is Story 1,of 7.this will be the shortest. This may seem boring but it is the first story of 7 and took me from 6 to 9 to write.I simply forget that you can copy and paste so i was typing this whole thing into the paragraph.Please read entirely,I will be posting Story 2 very soon. Thanks-----------A lot guys.Rate based on grammar(not spelling)How it tells you whats happening and how descriptive it was. Thanks again guys.
jesus christ, can you wait more than 8 minutes? i cant even read that in 8 minutes because you didnt punctuate it properly. edit: ok, you want my brutal honest opinion? i wouldn't rate it past a 1 or 2. grammar = terrible spelling = terrible plot = wtf is the plot? some guy wants to find another race and some dragons hop in and help him out by giving him some sort of special item? grammar and spelling vastly distracted from the reading. punctuation also vastly distracted from the reading. didn't keep my interest at all, i force-read it
Please guys,After u read it,vote in the poll at the top,not like Lordy did,People like him anger me so far,but i am not lying.I am in best-buy.
Didn't you read what Lordy said? I can add that your writing is overly repetitive, you should try using different word constructs in your sentences. Also, if you would like people to read your writing, please make it readable - some basic paragraph formatting, spaces after comas, periods, etc. would definitely help.
No Points, I don't have much time to read your whole story(Big more then 1000 words i think). Mate you have to wrote little conclusion of your story......