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Help with phrasing!

Discussion in 'Copywriting' started by eddiction, Feb 23, 2016.

  1. #1
    Hi guys. I'm new here - would like to get some help!

    I've crafted the following paragraph for a research piece that I'm doing. Upon reading and re-reading it, I've encountered a problem:
    ========================
    One of the most advanced medical treatment methods available today is the use of stem cells. Since the 1950s, stem cells have been used in stem cell therapy to treat more than 80 medical conditions.

    Today, advancements in technology continuously drives the discovery of newer applications in the medical industry.
    ========================

    Can anyone here advise me if the correct phrasing is
    "advancements in technology continuously drives"
    or
    "advancements in technology continuously drive"?
    SEMrush

    Thank you!
     
    eddiction, Feb 23, 2016 IP
    SEMrush
  2. Crimebuster_of_the_Sea

    Crimebuster_of_the_Sea Well-Known Member

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    #2
    "advancements in technology continuously drive"
     
    Crimebuster_of_the_Sea, Feb 23, 2016 IP
  3. WLEadmin

    WLEadmin Active Member

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    #3
    And you probably want to reduce the repetition of "stem cell", since it appears three times in a single para, and twice in one sentence. :)
     
    WLEadmin, Feb 23, 2016 IP
  4. Equatorial

    Equatorial Active Member

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    #4
    Sorry mate, but the first two sentences could do with a little editing as well.

    "One of the most advanced medical treatment methods available today is [the use of stem cells] stem cell therapy. Since the 1950s, [stem cells] stem cell therapy has been used [in stem cell therapy] to treat more than 80 medical conditions."

    Edited version:
    "One of the most advanced medical treatment methods available today is stem cell therapy. Since the 1950s, stem cell therapy has been used to treat more than 80 medical conditions."

    Wrt to your question, the subject in the sentence is "advancements". Since the subject is plural, the verb should be singular. Ergo, "drive" is the correct choice.

    "Today, advancements in technology continuously [drives] drive the discovery of newer applications in the medical industry."
     
    Equatorial, Mar 2, 2016 IP
  5. Michael_Hendsbee

    Michael_Hendsbee Peon

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    #5
    Since the 1950s, stem cells have been used in stem cell therapy to treat more than 80 medical conditions
    vs
    Since the 1950s, stem cell therapy has been used to treat more than 80 medical conditions
     
    Michael_Hendsbee, Mar 2, 2016 IP
  6. MercedezThomson

    MercedezThomson Peon

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    #6
    I find medical terminology the hardest to rephrase. I think Equatorial's answer covers it all.
     
    Last edited: Oct 4, 2016
    MercedezThomson, Oct 4, 2016 IP