Help me improve my copywriting on a video advertisment service

Discussion in 'Copywriting' started by MikeBuyco, Apr 2, 2011.

  1. #1
    Hello,

    Can you help me improve my video copywriting. I'm creating a video and I want to deliver the message in 6 lines. Here is what I've done so far. Every text has an average time of 5 seconds. Here are the lines:

    DO YOU NEED AN VIDEO AD FOR YOU BUSINESS?
    MORE THAN 70% OF THE WEB VISITORS WATCH ONLINE VIDEO
    THE AVERAGE YOUTUBE USERS SPENDS
    27 MINUTES WATCHING VIDEO PER DAY
    IT IS NOW TIME YOU GRABBED YOUR SHARE
    GET THIS SERVICE TO GROW YOUR BUSINESS

    Because of the video setup I created I only need 6 lines of text. Any suggestions or feedback will be appreciated.
     
    MikeBuyco, Apr 2, 2011 IP
  2. JosiahHumphrey

    JosiahHumphrey Peon

    Messages:
    31
    Likes Received:
    0
    Best Answers:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    0
    #2
    I would change just a few of the words around...hype it a bit more without changing the basic meaning.
    Do YOU need a video ad for YOUR business.
    More than 70% of web visitors watch online videos.
    The average youtube user spends
    over 27 minutes watching videos every single day.
    It is time you grabbed your share!
    Get this service to grow your business NOW.

    Josiah.
     
    JosiahHumphrey, Apr 10, 2011 IP
  3. MikeBuyco

    MikeBuyco Member

    Messages:
    702
    Likes Received:
    6
    Best Answers:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    35
    #3
    Thanks Josiah. I appreciate your help.
     
    MikeBuyco, Apr 13, 2011 IP
  4. SeniorWarden6407

    SeniorWarden6407 Peon

    Messages:
    225
    Likes Received:
    4
    Best Answers:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    0
    #4
    Please don't take offence, but you should begin by amending your grammar/spelling; e.g. "Do you need a video ad for your business? The average YouTube user spends 27 minutes watching video, per day. The chances are, given this is for a video, the person doing the speaking may have an accent which will possibly show that he/she does not have a good command of the English language. I hope that this helps - the best of luck.
     
    SeniorWarden6407, Apr 13, 2011 IP
  5. MikeBuyco

    MikeBuyco Member

    Messages:
    702
    Likes Received:
    6
    Best Answers:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    35
    #5
    Yeah my bad. I was just typing really fast. But I did notice later the wrong grammar before posting it in a video. So those things are already taken care of. Thanks for the input.
     
    MikeBuyco, Apr 13, 2011 IP
  6. SeniorWarden6407

    SeniorWarden6407 Peon

    Messages:
    225
    Likes Received:
    4
    Best Answers:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    0
    #6
    You are quite welcome - I would help anyone, as long as they were polite. Unlike some on DP - then they get the short end of my tongue! Incidentally, I always proof read my comments before posting them.
     
    SeniorWarden6407, Apr 13, 2011 IP