How to Get a New Name Sometimes when you have a stressful day or week, you need some silliness to break-up the day. Here is your dose... Follow the instructions to find your new name. The following in an excerpt from a children's book, "Captain Underpants and the Perilous Plot of Professor Poopypants", by Dave Pilkey: The evil Professor forces everyone to assume new names... Use the THIRD letter of your FIRST name to determine your new first name: a = poopsie...........n = zippy b = lumpy.............o = goober c = buttercup.........p = doofus d = gidget............q = slimy e = crusty............r = loopy f = greasy............s = snotty g = fluffy............t = tulefel h = cheeseball........u = dorkey i = chim-chim.........v = squeezit j = stinky............w = oprah k = flunky............x = skipper l = booger............y = dinky m = pinky.............z = zsa-zsa Use the SECOND letter of your LAST name to determine the first half of your new last name: a = diaper............n = rhino b = toilet............o = bubble c = giggle............p = hamster d = burger............q = toad e = girdle............r = gizzard f = barf.............s = pizza g = lizard............t = gerbil h = waffle............u = chicken i = cootie............v = pickle j = monkey............w = chuckle k = potty.............x = tofu l = liver.............y = gorilla m = banana............z = stinker Use the FOURTH letter of your LAST name to determine the second half of your new last name: a = head............n = chunks b = mouth...........o = hiney c = face............p = biscuits d = nose............q = toes e = tush............r = buns f = breath..........s = fanny g = pants...........t = sniffer h = shorts..........u = sprinkles i = lips............v = kisser j = honker..........w = squirt k = butt............x = humperdinck l = brain...........y = brains m = tushie..........z = juice Thus for example: George W. Bush's new name is Goober Chickenshorts. Bill Clinton's name is Booger Liverchunks. Have fun