Google Sharks Update will Wipe all webs off the internet!

Discussion in 'Google' started by flybuzz, May 11, 2012.

  1. #1
    As confirmed by Matt, the play time will be officially over after the famous Zebra Update! To be released on December 21st 2012, Google Sharksâ„¢ update will officially ban you, destroy you, and then swallow you whole! Its ultra top secret algorithm, which is powered by 3 hamsters, will even effectively stopping all other search engines such as Bing and Yahoo from crawling your website!

    The purpose of the algorithm, like always, will be targeting Spam sites in general plus all the non-spam ones as well. There will be one new addition to the google webmaster quality guideline: Make sure your website does not contain the alphabet "s" either in upper or lower case forms. As it may trigger our Sharksâ„¢, an ultra top secret algorithm, to classify your site as spam and it will ban you, destroy you, and then swallow you whole. At google, only the nicest, happiest and most caring people work here, so it saddens us gravely whenever we see people stops following our quality guidelines! Small business owners, stop hurting yourself by making us hurt you!

    Last but not the least, we are working real hard on returning irrelevant search results to you! We are close but not quite there yet. But don't worry, we will get there! One day when you type the word Viagra, if you see nothing except all the .edu sites from India, that means we have suceeded!
     
    flybuzz, May 11, 2012 IP
  2. danasurvey

    danasurvey Well-Known Member

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    #2
    I thought the Penguin and the Panda were sharks in disguise, lol. I hope those 3 evil hamsters don't get us. :)
     
    danasurvey, May 11, 2012 IP
  3. dotcompals

    dotcompals Prominent Member

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    #3
    ha ha .. LOL

    The updates are telling us -
    If you want to be listed at the top 3 positions at the SERP - use google adwords.. .

    right ?
     
    dotcompals, May 11, 2012 IP
  4. meganuk

    meganuk Peon

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    #4
    Damn scarrry.
    Might be possible
     
    meganuk, May 12, 2012 IP
  5. indyonline

    indyonline Prominent Member

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    #5
    lol, sounds about right.
     
    indyonline, May 12, 2012 IP
  6. WebDev Solutions

    WebDev Solutions Well-Known Member

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    #6
    Any ideas for the next update? Continuing the black/white theme (whitehat, blackhat pun).. I'm thinking Google Skunk? :confused:
     
    WebDev Solutions, May 12, 2012 IP
  7. staceythompson

    staceythompson Peon

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    #7
    That might happen! :)
     
    staceythompson, Jul 23, 2012 IP
  8. mattsmith

    mattsmith Peon

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    #8
    i never heard off these terms. Is Google really trying to introduce them? Which types of algorithms they'll be?
     
    mattsmith, Jul 24, 2012 IP