1. You can stare at any Girl....... 2. You don't have to spend money on her. 3. You won't get boring result in ur board papers. 4. No girlfriend, no emotional blackmailing. 5. If u don't have a girlfriend, she can't dump u. 6. Having a girlfriend is hot, not having a girlfriend is automatically cool, and every one loves to be a cool guy. 7. This can be more to life than just waiting for the bloody phone to ring. 8. You won't have to tolerate someone else defining, "right " and "wrong" for u. 9. Girlfriend can get so possessive that you can't do anything according ur wishes anymore. 10. You can buy gifts for mom, dad, sis or grandpa instead of a girlfriend and have a happier family life. 11. You won't have to waste paper writing love letters. No more endless waiting for ur date to arrive at some weird shop place. 12. You can have more friends, as u will have more time for them. 13. You wont have to see boring love stories instead of sports. 14. You wont have to tell lie to anybody and, therefore, u'll sin less. 15. You can have good night's sleep-no need to dream about her. 16. You wont have to fight over having a 'special' friend with ur folks. 17. No nonstop nonsense. 18. You wont have drown in the pool of her tears. 19. No tension. 20. You can be "urself" 21. You wont have to hide your telephone bills.....
Roflmao I get all these Emails too I have joined some Yahoo group so they send me such messages everyday Anyways Thanks for sharing
i was walking around in a store. I saw a Cashier hand this little boy his money back saying "I'm sorry, but you don't have enough money to buy this doll." Then the little boy turned to the old woman Next to him: ''Granny, are you sure I don't have Enough money?'' The old lady replied: ''You know that you Don't have enough money to buy this doll, my dear.'' Then she asked him to stay there for 5 Minutes while she went to look around. She left Quickly. The little boy was still holding the doll in His hand. Finally, I walked toward him and I asked him Who he wished to give this doll to. "It's the doll that my sister loved most and Wanted so much for this Christmas. She was so sure that Santa Claus would bring it to her." I replied to him that maybe Santa Claus will Bring it to her after all, and not to worry. But he replied to me sadly. "No, Santa Claus Can't bring it to her where she is now. I have to Give the doll to my mommy so that she can give it to My sister when she goes there." His eyes were so sad while saying this. "My Sister has gone to be with God. Daddy says that Mommy is going to see God very soon too, so I Thought that she could take the doll with her to Give it to my sister.'' My heart nearly stopped. The little boy looked up at me and said: "I Told daddy to tell mommy not to go yet. I need her To wait until I come back from the mall." Then he showed me a very nice photo of him Where he was laughing. He then told me "I want mommy To take my picture with her so she won't forget me." "I love my mommy and I wish she doesn't have To leave me, but daddy says that she has to go to be With my little sister." Then he looked again at the doll with sad Eyes, very quietly. I quickly reached for my wallet and said to The boy. "What if we checked again, just in case you Do have enough money?'' "Ok" he said "I hope that I have enough."I Added some of my money to his without him seeing and We started to count it. There was enough for the Doll and even some spare money. The little boy said: "Thank you God for Giving me enough money!" Then he looked at me and added "I asked Yesterday before I slept for God to make sure I have Enough money to buy this doll so that mommy can give It to my sister. He heard me!'' "I also wanted to have enough money to buy a White rose for my mommy, but I didn't dare to ask God for too much. But He gave me enough to buy the Doll and a white rose.'' "My mommy loves white roses." A few minutes later, the old lady came again And I left with my basket. I finished my shopping in a totally Different state from when I started. I couldn't get the little boy Out of my mind. Then I remembered a local newspaper article 2 days ago, which mentioned of a drunk man in a truck, who hit A car, where there was one young lady and a little girl. The little girl died right away, and the Mother was left in a critical state. The family had To decide whether to pull the plug on the Life-assisting machine, because the young lady would Not be able to recover from the coma. Was this the family of the little boy? Two days after this encounter with the Little boy, I read in the newspaper that the young Lady had passed away. I couldn't stop myself as I bought a bunch Of white roses and I went to the funeral home where The body of the young woman was exposed for people To see and make last wishes before burial. She was there, in her coffin, holding a Beautiful white rose in her hand with the photo of The little boy and the doll placed over her chest. I left the place, teary-eyed, feeling that My life had been changed forever. The love that this Little boy had for his mother and his sister is Still, to this day, hard to imagine. And in a Fraction of a second, a drunk driver had taken all This away from him.
Imagine you're in London's Heathrow Airport. While you're waiting for your flight, you notice a kiosk selling shortbread cookies. You buy a box, put them in your traveling bag and then you patiently search for an available seat so you can sit down and enjoy your cookies. Finally you find a seat next to a gentleman. You reach down into your traveling bag and pull out your box of shortbread cookies. As you do so, you notice that the gentleman starts watching you intensely. He stares as you open the box and his eyes follow your hand as you pick up the cookie and bring it to your mouth. Just then he reaches over and takes one of your cookies from the box, and eats it! You're more than a little surprised at this. Actually, you're at a loss for words. Not only does he take one cookie, but he alternates with you. For every one cookie you take, he takes one. Now, what's your immediate impression of this guy? Crazy? Greedy? He's got some nerve! Can you imagine the words you might use to describe this man to your associates back at the office? Meanwhile, you both continue eating the cookies until there's just one left. To your surprise, the man reaches over and takes it. But then he does something unexpected. He breaks it in half, and gives half to you. After he's finished with his half he gets up, and without a word, he leaves. You think to yourself, "Did this really happen?" You're left sitting there dumbfounded and still hungry. So you go back to the kiosk and buy another box of cookies. You then return to your seat and begin opening your new box of cookies when suddenly you glance down into your traveling bag. Sitting there in your bag is your original box of cookies.........still unopened. Only then do you realize that when you reached down earlier, you had reached into the other man's bag, and grabbed his box of cookies by mistake. Now what do you think of the man? Generous? Tolerant? You've just experienced a profound paradigm shift. You're seeing things from a new point of view. Is it time to change your point of view? Now, think of this story as it relates to your life. Seeing things from a new point of view can be very enlightening. Think outside the box. Don't settle for the status quo. Be open to suggestions. Things may not be what they seem. Unless and until, one realizes about the fact, no one will change his or her view of thinking in spite of lot of external factors. Every Point has THREE Sides; Your Side, My Side and The Right Side. To understand either the Other's Side or the Right Side, one needs to leave His Side..........
Any time you pick up a walkie-talkie or two-way radio, the first thing you say is "TK-421, why aren't you at your post?" You've written several letters to the President recommending that he dissolve the council, put power in the hands of the regional governors, and let fear keep the local systems in line. I think he's already done that, hasn't he? With the Patriot Act? After several hours of poker, you got thrown out of the game for suggesting, "How about some sabacc?" When trying unsuccessfully to snare that last Cheerio floating in your cereal bowl, you remarked, "The Force is strong with this one." You've been pulled over by a policeman, and when asked to see your driver's license you replied, "You don't need to see my identification." And when he asks about your two friends in the back "They're for sale, if you want them." You have held up an onion ring and said, "Look sir...droids!" While sitting on the couch with your girlfriend, she comments about being cold. So, naturally, you slice open the side of the cushion and stuff her in. You frequently experience insomnia and, to counter this, begin counting nerfs. You answer the phone "Die wanna wanga?" Whenever you catch sight of cars behind yours, you say "Fighters, coming in, point three five." Someone else in your car says "What about that tower?" You respond, "You worry about those fighters, I'll worry about the tower", and moments later your car slams into the water tower the passenger was referring to. When a cop catches you speeding, you floor it, saying "I've outrun Imperial starships, and not the local bulk cruisers..." Your significant other dumps you because everytime she/he says, "I love you" you always respond, "I know." You look at "big hairy carpets" with more respect than before. You punch out trekkies who say "Death star my butt, I'd like to see those losers take out DS9." Someone says they will try to do something you automatically respond "Do or do not. There is no try." By intense study you have actually figured out the location of every gun implacement on a star destroyer. You type in the terms for a search engine as if entering coordinates, then shout "Punch it, Chewie!" as you click on search. While partying with friends, you do your Darth Vader impression. When yourdad says, "I am your father," you begin to scream uncontrollably and shout, "NOOOO! It's not true!" at the top of your lungs. When your alarm clock goes off in the morning, your reply is, "Unexpected this is... and unfortunate!" As a child, whenever you had broken something, your response was always, "It must've had a self-destruct mechanism. I didn't hit it that hard." You've ever told a child at the dinner table, "Use the fork, Luke." You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends who are addicted to Star Wars.
A husband and wife were having a fine dining experience at their exclusive country club when this stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big kiss, says she'll see him later and walks away. His wife glares at him and says, "Who was that?" "Oh," replies the husband, "she's my mistress." "Well that's the last straw," says the wife. "I've had enough, I want a divorce. I am going to hire the most aggressive, meanest divorce lawyer I can find and make your life miserable." "I can understand that," replies her husband, "but remember, if we get a divorce it will mean no more wintering in Key West, or the Caribbean, no more summers in Tuscany, no more Cadillac STS in the garage, and no more country club, and we'll have to sell the 26-room house and move to two smaller homes, but the decision is yours." Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous young woman on his arm. "Who's that with Jim?" asks the wife. "That's his mistress," says her husband..... She replies, "Ours is prettier........"
That was great jokes. Good to see that you updated this thread once agian after long time. Keep put more funny things.
Thanks Rohit and Mitcharr for appreciation and support Nice to know u liked this thread very much. Keep smiling. have a nice day.
I got some chuckles out of these and thought they were worth sharing. Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's gender? A: Childbirth. Q: The more pregnant I get, the more often strangers smile at me. Why? A: Beause you're fatter than they are. Q: What's the difference between a nine-month pregnant woman and a model? A: Nothing (if the pregnant woman's husband knows what's good for him). Q: How long is the average woman in labor? A: Whatever she says divided by two. Q: My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right? A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current. Q: When is the best time to get an epidural? A: Right after you find out you're pregnant. Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth? A: Yes, pregnancy. Q: What does it mean when a baby is born with teeth? A: It means that the baby's mother may want to rethink her plans to nurse. Q: What is the best time to wean the baby from nursing? A: When you see teeth marks. Q: Do I have to have a baby shower? A: Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly
Airline Dictionary The airline industry, like any other, has a specialized dictionary. These are words and phrases that are used commonly by airline employees for which the meanings may not be obvious to outsiders. At great personal risk on an undercover sting operation, I was able to procure this dictionary. Now I present it to you with no thought to my personal safety in the interest of academic freedom. Remember folks, "If it ain't Boeing, I ain't going!" Air Traffic Control - A game played by airline pilots and air traffic controllers. The game has no rules, and neither side knows how it is played, but the goal is to prevent flights from arriving in time for passengers to make connecting flights. Baggage Claim - The most difficult area of the airport to find. It is usually hidden by numerous signs saying, "Baggage Claim Area." Carry On Bag - An item, usually of large dimensions, which somehow managed to fit under the passenger's seat on the inbound flight. Regardless of what the passenger says the following is not acceptable as carry-on items: bicycles, refrigerators, truck tires, or wide screen projection TVs. Flight Schedule - An entertaining work of paperback fiction. Fog - A natural weather phenomenon, which usually occurs around an airport while the surrounding areas are clear. Fog is controlled by the airlines and is used to delay flights. Non-Revenue Position - Usually can be identified by the fact that these passengers are in first class and are dressed in pilot or flight attendant uniforms. Non-revenue position are permitted to fly first class free of charge to prevent revenue passengers from being able to pay first class passenger charges. No-Record - Any passenger booked through a travel agency. On Time - An obscure term, meaning unknown. Passenger - A herding creature of widely varying intellect usually found in pairs or small groups. Often will become vicious and violent in simple and easily rectified situations. When frightened or confused these creatures collect into a group called a "line." This "line" has no set pattern and is usually formed in inconvenient places. Passengers are of four known species: Paxus iratus, Paxus latus, Paxus inebriatus, & Paxus ignoramus. Position Closed - This is a sign posted at various counter locations, which when interpreted by the passenger says, "Form line here." Pre-Board - Passenger who arrives at the gate five minutes before departure. Sign - An airport decoration. Usually unnoticed except by small children. Its primary function is to hide the location of various areas of the airport, i.e., gate numbers, rest rooms, baggage claim, etc. Ticket Agent A superhuman with the patience of a saint, the herding ability of an Australian sheepdog, the E.S.P. abilities of Uri Geller, the compassion of a psychoanalysts, and the tact of a diplomat. They have mysterious abilities to control wind/rain/snow/fog and all other weather phenomenon. They are capable of answering three questions at one time, while talking on the phone, and without stuttering or choking on their tongue. Later in life they sit in parks carrying on mysterious conversations with themselves. Voluntary Oversell - A passenger who arrives at the gate as the jetway is coming off the flight.
Signs You Chose a No Frills Airline They don't sell tickets, they sell chances. All the insurance machines in the terminal are sold out. Before the flight, the passengers get together and elect a pilot. You can't board the plane unless you have the exact change. Before you take off, the stewardess tells you to fasten your Velcro. The Captain asks all the passengers to chip in a little for gas. When they pull the steps away, the plane starts rocking. The Captain yells at the ground crew to get the cows off the runway. You ask the Captain how often their planes crash and he says, "Just once." No movie. Don't need one. Your life keeps flashing before your eyes. You see a man with a gun, but he's demanding to be let off the plane. All the planes have both a bathroom and a chapel.
Aviation 101 Here are a few of the lessons you'll learn when taking Aviation 101: It's best to keep the pointed end going forward as much as possible. Takeoff's are optional. Landings are mandatory. Flying is not dangerous; crashing is dangerous. If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger, if you pull the stick back they get smaller. (Unless you keep pulling the stick back -then they get bigger again) The propeller is just a big fan in the front of the plane to keep the pilot cool. Want proof? Make it stop; then watch the pilot break out into a sweat. The probability of survival is equal to the angle of arrival. The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire. Every one already knows the definition of a 'good' landing is one from which you can walk away. But very few know the definition of a 'great landing.' It's one after which you can use the airplane another time. You know you've landed with the wheels up when it takes full power to taxi. Keep looking around; there's always something you've missed. Try to keep the number of your landings equal to the number of your takeoffs. Gravity never loses! The best you can hope for is a draw! Any pilot who relies on a terminal forecast can be sold the Brooklyn Bridge. If he relies on winds-aloft reports he can be sold Niagara Falls. Always remember you fly an airplane with your head, not your hands. Never let an airplane take you somewhere your brain didn't get to five minutes earlier. Learn from the mistakes of others. You won't live long enough to make all of them yourself. And Always Remember, you're always a student in an airplane.
The Flight Instructor A photographer for a national magazine was assigned to take pictures of a great forest fire. He was advised that a small plane would be waiting to fly him over the fire. The photographer arrived at the airstrip just an hour before sundown. Sure enough, a small Cessna airplane was waiting. He jumped in with his equipment and shouted, "Let's go!" The tense man sitting in the pilot's seat swung the plane into the wind and soon they were in the air, though flying erratically. "Fly over the north side of the fire," said the photographer, "and make several low-level passes." "Why?" asked the nervous pilot. "Because I'm going to take pictures!" yelled the photographer. "I'm a photographer, and photographers take pictures." The pilot replied, "You mean you're not the flight instructor?"
· vertically challenged: short · horizontally gifted : fat · horizontally challenged : thin · chronologically gifted : old · intellectually impaired : stupid · living impaired : dead · romantically challenged : not with somebody at the moment · morally differently-brained : stupid · follically independent : bald · musically delayed : tone deaf · genetically discriminating : racist · codependent : finger-pointer · in recovery : drunk/junkie · in denial : unaware that forgetting something obviously proves it happened · constructivist feminist psychotherapy : psychobabble · economically disadvantaged : welfare bum · target equity group : vocal minority · sanitation engineer : garbage man · certified astrological consultant : crackpot · certified crystal therapist : crackpot · certified past-life regression hypnotist : crackpot · ontologically challenged : fictional or mythological · the absolute root of all evil known in the multidimensional infinity of reality : white male · people of height : too tall · gravitationally challenged : fat · other-aged : too old/young (dual purpose) · environmentally correct human : dead · humor-challenged : Nit-picky · motivationally challenged : lazy · outdoor urban dwellers : homeless · monetarily challenged : poor · facially challenged : ugly · visually challenged : blind · nasally gifted : runny nose · verbally challenged : mute, dumb · socially challenged : geek, nerd · cyclically challenged : having PMS · caucasian culturally disadvantaged : white trash · rhythmically challenged : white boy · financially inept : poor · osmotically challenged : thirsty · aquatically challenged : drowning