Things Just Fallin' Off This morning as I was buttoning my shirt, a button fell off. After that, I picked up my briefcase, and the handle fell off. Then I went to open the door, and the doorknob fell off. I went to get into my car, and the door handle came off in my hand. Now I'm afraid to pee. Little Johnny... Finding Jesus A Sunday school teacher is concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus, so he asks his class, "Where is Jesus today?" Steven raises his hand and says, "He's in Heaven." Mary answers, "He's in my heart." Little Johnny waves his hand furiously and blurts out, "He's in our bathroom!" The surprised teacher asks Little Johnny how he knows this. "Well," Little Johnny says, "every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door and yells 'Jesus Christ, are you still in there?!'" The President's Puzzle Dick Cheney walks into the Oval Office and sees The President whooping and hollering. "What's the matter, Mr. President?" The Vice President inquired. "Nothing at all, boss. I just done finished a jigsaw puzzle in record time!" The President beamed. "How long did it take you?" "Well, the box said '3 to 5 Years' but I did it in a month!" Newspaper Clippings Washer. Owned by clean bachelor who seldom washed -- $100. Snow blower for sale. Only used on snowy days. Free puppies. Part German Shepherd, part dog. Cows, calves never bred. Also, one gay bull for sale. Free puppies: part Cocker Spaniel, part sneaky neighbor's dog Full-sized mattress. 20-year warranty. Like new. Slight urine smell. Found: dirty white dog. Looks like a rat. Been out for a while. Better be reward. Nice parachute. Never opened. Used once. Slightly stained. Free Yorkshire Terrier. Eight years old. Unpleasant little dog. Tired of working for only $9.75 per hour? We offer profit sharing and flexible hours. Starting pay: $7 - $9 per hour.
Why did Michael Jackson rub cheese on the end of his knob? 'Cos kids will do anything for the taste of Dairylea! Maybe you have to be British to get that one...
Little Johnny's parents were at their wits end as to what to do about their son's behavior. His mother had heard that a priest in town had been successful in disciplining children in the past, so she asked her husband if they should send Little Johnny to speak with the priest. The husband said, "We might as well... we need to do something before I really lose my temper!" The priest agreed to speak with Little Johnny. The priest sat him down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?" Little Johnny made no response, so the priest repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God?" Again, Little Johnny made no attempt to answer, so the priest raised his voice again and shook his finger in the boy's face, "Where is God?" A frightened Little Johnny ran out of the room and directly home to his bedroom, where he slammed himself in the closet. Little Johnny's mother followed him into the closet and asked, "What happened?" Little Johnny replied, "I'm in BIG trouble this time... God is missing and they think I did it!"
u guys should check out my other thread on twisted nursery rhymes it funny theres some rhymes on both pages