Funniest one line jokes.

Judge: Why did you hit your husband with a chair?"
Wife: "I couldn't lift the table."

"What did one ghost say to another?"
"Do you believe in people?"

My friend has a fine watch dog.
At any suspicious noise he wakes the dog and the dog begins to bark.

They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets
to speak.

"Room Service? Can you send up a towel?"
"Please wait someone else is using it."

When I told the doctor about my loss of memory, he made me pay in
advance.

"Where did you get those big eyes?"
"They came with the face."

I went alone on our honeymoon. My wife had already seen Niagara Falls.

But the psychiatrist really helped me a lot. I would never answer the
phone, because I was afraid. Now I answer it whether it rings or not.

It was love at first sight. Then I took a second look !!

"Look, guide, here are some lion tracks."
"Good. You see where they go and I'll find out where they came from."

 

Good one mate.Thanks for sharing.

 

ya, nice collection of jokes, thanks for sharing.
but then i only read jokes of yours, do you go to other sections of this forum, or you stay in the general category, all day.........lol

 

A horse walks into a bar and the barman says "why the long face?"
Kerching!

It's the way I tell them

 

hi uttoransen,,,

nice observation,,

i m here for refreshing my mind after hectic schedule of work, and at my point of view i also like that other DP members who read my posts also should refresh them selves,,

thats why i m posting jokes & here only

thanks for ur comment

 

Nice jokes

 

keep sharing stuffs like this,

 

very nice jokes.you cheer me up =)

 

so why are most of you one liners on two lines?

 

"Do you think I"ll lose my looks as I get older?"
"Yes if you're lucky."

A modern artist is one who throws paint on canvas, wipes it off with a
cloth and sells the cloth.

"Has there been any insanity in your family?"
"Yes, doctor. My husband thinks he's the boss."

I was thinking of becoming a doctor. I have the handwriting for it.

"My wife doesn't know what she wants."
"You're lucky. My wife does."

We have a quiet home life. I don't speak to her and she doesn't speak to
me.

"What do use for washing dishes?"
"Oh, I tried many things but found my husband best."

"Why don't you give your husband a divorce?"
"What, I have lived with him for ten years and now I should make him happy?"

"Young man, do you think you can handle a variety of work?"
"I ought to be able to. I've had 12 different jobs in four months."

 

Very nice one , keep charing like this

 

Good jokes post more!

 

These are better

 

i think i see this somewhere before

 

I agree, the latter ones were better

"Look, guide, here are some lion tracks."
"Good. You see where they go and I'll find out where they came from."

That is something I would respond haha

 

..........this is best !! thanks for sharing mates

 

"What did one ghost say to another?"
"Do you believe in people?"

I like that dude

 

A High Jumper walks into a bar -- his coach screams "You didn't even try!"

That's an original of mine BTW