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Friend talks bad about everyone why?

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by shahab6, Nov 19, 2009.

  1. #1
    I have this friend, she talks bad about everyone. In front of you, she's very very nice, but once you leave, she starts talking shit about you. she talks bad about her brother, sister, mom and dad, and her best friends also. she also exaggerates things and also lies.
    so I want to know why she does this?

    here's a little background of her, she is 22 years old college student, she smokes marijuana, and sometimes does xanax. she used to be abused by her mother, and has been raped when she was 14. she has been physically abused by her boyfriends in the past. she always moved around a lot in her childhood. and one of her friends told me she used to be socially awkward in school..
    SEMrush
    she doesn't really have that much friends right now, as she ditches her friends. they will make plans with her and at the end she'll cancel it. for example her friend invited her to Las Vegas, got her hotel room and etc, and the day before she cancels it. when I first met her she would do the same thing with me, I would invite her someplace she would agree and then cancel at the end. so I stopped inviting her anywhere.

    I am just curious why she does this, I no longer see this person, I only talk to them a few times a week online.
     
    shahab6, Nov 19, 2009 IP
    SEMrush
  2. smile633

    smile633 Peon

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    #2
    We cannot choose family, but we can choose friends.

    Those who have been abused in any way and especially rape victims find it most difficult to trust anyone - no wonder after how they' have been treated. There is a way out though ... It's not instant, someone has to want to get out of it and "start a new life", and someone has to lead them out, knowing what they are doing. I wish there were more people around walking victims out to freedom! To watch the change is MOST amazing!
     
    smile633, Nov 19, 2009 IP
  3. shahab6

    shahab6 Well-Known Member

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    #3
    I'm a little bit confused on what you are saying
     
    shahab6, Nov 19, 2009 IP
  4. smile633

    smile633 Peon

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    #4
    She wants to trust someone and accepts invitations, but then is scared that they might be disappointed again like in her past. So she shys away in the last minute ... and cancels.
    The vicious cycle continues and gets worse.

    But as I said above - there is a way out! No need to continue going downhill and getting more and more isolated!

    Making sense now?
     
    smile633, Nov 20, 2009 IP
  5. br3adman

    br3adman Active Member

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    #5
    There are three general motives behind people talking bad about another person. 1. They're talking with someone to solve a problem they're having with the individual, but lack the skill to do it in a kind way. 2. They want to discredit the other person, or cause harm to the other person. Their motive is to hurt, or they feel they must defend themselves from hurt, so they hurt first. 3. They want to be accepted, so they find common humor, evil, etc. to talk about to make themselves feel better.

    The first group: They talk about the problem, may go into detail, may exagerate a little, but their motive is mainly to get an idea of how to solve the problem, and not to hurt the other person. They may talk innapropriately, or in a way that may leave a negative light on the person they're talking about, but its not hateful.

    The second group: People who talk bad about another person to cause harm: They seem to feel like you have some major impact in their life, and they are scared of you. For example, a friend who feels like her life is determined by how much boys like her will often bad mouth another girl who the boys like more than her - or that she thinks they like more than her. She does this because she feels like she must manipulate the people around her to stay safe. If she took responsibility for her own actions, and her own ability to change, to act, she wouldn't feel so threatened by other people. So usually, people who talk maliciously are really very terrified people. They feel they must manipulate the people around them to be safe. They don't start by changing their own actions and choosing how they feel, they let life around them tell them who they are. Its a very threatened place to live.

    Third group:

    They people are a combination of the two catagories above. They talk about others because they have nothing better to do. They just talk without considering the people or friendships that will be damaged, its just entertainment.






    Most likely she has Bipolar disorder

    Bipolar disorder involves periods of excitability (mania) alternating with periods of depression. The "mood swings" between mania and depression can be very abrupt.

    Symptoms

    The manic phase may last from days to months and can include the following symptoms:

    * Agitation or irritation
    * Elevated mood
    o Hyperactivity
    o Increased energy
    o Lack of self-control
    o Racing thoughts
    * Inflated self-esteem (delusions of grandeur, false beliefs in special abilities)
    * Little need for sleep
    * Over-involvement in activities
    * Poor temper control
    * Reckless behavior
    o Binge eating, drinking, and/or drug use
    o Impaired judgment
    o Sexual promiscuity
    o Spending sprees
    * Tendency to be easily distracted
     
    br3adman, Nov 20, 2009 IP
  6. shahab6

    shahab6 Well-Known Member

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    #6
    So should I continue being their friend, but keep my distant. Or should I just ditch them?
     
    shahab6, Nov 20, 2009 IP
  7. joebert

    joebert Well-Known Member

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    #7
    She talks behind peoples backs for two reasons.

    1) She is reaching out, trying not to bottle things up until she explodes
    2) Experience has taught her that what she says can get her physically hurt

    She probably doesn't mean anyone any harm if she hasn't physically hurt anyone by now.

    As for making plans and backing out on them, it's a self defense measure. She wants to participate and make herself and others happy in teh process, but when it comes down to actually doing it her self-preservation instincts kick in and override any other instincts. Any tiny similarity to the new situation and the one where she was abused will trigger the instinct.

    Being abused really, really fucks someone up.
     
    joebert, Nov 20, 2009 IP
  8. zenoTom

    zenoTom Peon

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    #8
    We can always choose friends. I always try to avoid friends like those you have.
     
    zenoTom, Dec 3, 2009 IP
  9. nurit

    nurit Member

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    #9
    We cannot choose family, but we can choose friends.

    Those who have been abused in any way and especially rape victims find it most difficult to trust anyone - no wonder after how they' have been treated. There is a way out though ... It's not instant, someone has to want to get out of it and "start a new life", and someone has to lead them out, knowing what they are doing. I wish there were more people around walking victims out to freedom! To watch the change is MOST amazing!
     
    nurit, Dec 23, 2009 IP
  10. shahab6

    shahab6 Well-Known Member

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    #10
    I found out from her sister that she is Bipolar, how did u figure it by reading that?
     
    shahab6, Dec 23, 2009 IP
  11. linkbroker111

    linkbroker111 Peon

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    #11
    Take her to a good therapist, thats all she need for now. :)
     
    linkbroker111, Dec 23, 2009 IP
  12. shahab6

    shahab6 Well-Known Member

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    #12
    She doesn't believe in it..
     
    shahab6, Dec 23, 2009 IP
  13. ErikJ

    ErikJ Peon

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    #13
    she messed up. just take her as messed up they never change. except what she is and don't try to change her she will be messed up for the rest of her life.
     
    ErikJ, Dec 23, 2009 IP
  14. bodzila

    bodzila Peon

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    #14
    just get rid off her... as easy as that is..
     
    bodzila, Dec 24, 2009 IP
  15. Partizan

    Partizan Peon

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    #15
    Magnetic clamp may be so, speaking of the other shit and discussing them, it tries to attract attention
     
    Partizan, Dec 24, 2009 IP
  16. sweatlana

    sweatlana Well-Known Member

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    #16
    Nice story from which movie have been taken you ?
     
    sweatlana, Dec 24, 2009 IP
  17. CreationMoney.com

    CreationMoney.com Active Member

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    #17
    this is not a friend it only a stupid machine that walk to talk about every body
     
    CreationMoney.com, Dec 24, 2009 IP
  18. shahab6

    shahab6 Well-Known Member

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    #18
    its not from a movie, its true..lol
     
    shahab6, Dec 24, 2009 IP
  19. Partizan

    Partizan Peon

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    #19
    sometimes people say bad things about other people cuz they envy
     
    Partizan, Dec 30, 2009 IP
  20. delonibalusi

    delonibalusi Peon

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    #20
    pray for here
     
    delonibalusi, Dec 30, 2009 IP