For those of you who dont't know, Jack bauer is the leading fictional character in the hit tv series "24". Now apparently this dude us an American guy who is a HERO and has worked for CIA, CTU, Delta Force and the SWAT team. He frickin hates terrorists and is always loaded with guns and stuff, he is full on with interrogation and is always angry .... there are certain 'facts' about him that are going about and I found them too funny ... so sharing em with you! - When a convicted terrorist was sentenced to face Jack Bauer, he appealed to have the sentence reduced to death. - Only Jack Bauer can fly a plane from the luggage compartment. - Life doesn't give Jack Bauer lemons. Life asks him which fruit he wants. - The 2007 budget for the US Military covers Jack Bauer, two pistols and four billion rounds of ammunition. - Jack Bauer doesn't need to eat, sleep, or use the bathroom because his organs are afraid of making him angry. - Jack Bauers calender goes from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Jack Bauer. - Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys. - Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas. - When Kim Bauer lost her virginity, Jack Bauer found it and put it back. - If it tastes like chicken, looks like chicken, and feels like chicken, but Jack Bauer says its beef. Then it's fucking beef. - If you wake up in the morning, it's because Jack Bauer spared your life. - Jack Bauer sleeps with a pillow under his gun. - If Jack Bauer's gun jams, it's because he wanted to beat you with it. - Jack Bauer could strangle you with a cordless phone. - It's no use crying over spilt milk... Unless that was Jack Bauer's milk. Oh you are so screwed. - Jack Bauer does not use doors. He makes his own. - Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer. - Jack doesn't believe in Murphy's Law, only Bauer's Law: "Whatever CAN go wrong, WILL be resolved in a period of 24 hours." - If you have the ability to read, thank a teacher. If you have thefreedom to read, thank the veterans of WW2. If you're alive to read, thank Jack Bauer. - Jack Bauer doesn't have a firewall on his PC. He has a Bauerwall. It's basically just a JPEG of Jack Bauer. No virus has ever attacked Jack Bauer's PC. Ever. - Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry. - Jack Bauer set an ordinary flash memory card to self-destruct. Don't ask how he did it, he's fucking Jack Bauer. - Superman's only weakness is Kryptonite. Jack Bauer laughs at Superman for having a weakness. - There is the right way, the wrong way, and the Jack Bauer way. It's basically the right way but faster and more deaths. - In 96 hours, Jack Bauer has killed 93 people and saved the world 4 times. What the fuck have you done with your life? - Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away. - Jack Bauer arm once wrestled Superman. The stipulations were the loser had to wear his underwear on the outside of his pants. - Sun Tzu once wrote, "If your enemy is weaker, conquer him. If he is stronger, join him. If he is Jack Bauer, you're fucking dead." - Jack Bauer once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands. - In the 18 months where Jack Bauer was presumed dead, Tony Almeida was put in a coma, Michelle and David Palmer were killed, a major hurricane raveged the Gulf Coast, and Rob Schneider made another movie. See what happens when Bauer isn't around? - When Christopher Henderson tried to shoot Jack, his gun was, in fact, loaded. The bullets were just too scared to come out. - Jack Bauer once killed so many terrorists that at one point, the #5 CIA Most Wanted fugitive was an 18-year-old teenager in Malaysia who downloaded the movie Dodgeball. - Kim Bauer was an accident. Not even the pill can stop Jack Bauer. - When Google can't find something, it asks Jack Bauer for help. - Never use the phrase, "I feel half dead," around Jack Bauer; he never leaves a job unfinished. - Jack Bauer does not let women on top during sex. Why? Because Jack Bauer never fucks up. - Let's face it, Jack's carrying bag makes Batman's utility belt look like a piece of rope. - There are three leading causes of death among terrorists. They are all Jack Bauer. - If Jack Bauer saw a terrorist reaching for a bomb to blow himself up, Jack would shoot the bomb first. Nobody steals a kill from Jack Bauer. - "Jack Bauer" is Arabic for "I'm fucked". - When Batman is in trouble, he turns on the Jack Bauer signal. - The Black Eyed Peas were just The Peas until Jack Bauer heard their music. - Jack Bauer has no friends, because as a child when he would play cops and robbers, the robbers would all be interogated and killed. - Nostradamus once predicted in his journal: "In the century 21st, the one known as Jacques will be the savior of the world... five seasons in a row." Moments later, Jack Bauer knocked down the door, shot Nostradamus in the kneecaps, and yelled "WHO ARE YOU WORKING FOR?!" - Jack Bauer can eat just one Lay's Potato Chip. Don't tell Jack what he can't fucking do. Share more if ya got em ... teehee!!!!