Hi! I need your expert help regarding two sentences. Can you tell me which of the two options below is the best? 1.This device has a problem, but Windows cannot determine what the problem is. 2.This device has a problem, but Windows cannot determine the origin of the problem. Kind regards, Roman
Hi Perry, yep. I am having a dispute with my colleague on this and would like to get the opinion of native speakers to know for sure. English is my second language..
And what is the copywriting question that goes along with these answers. Is it you would like to know how to take this from your deck copy to your first paragraph with effortless flow? Or, how to take this from your paragraph to... perhaps a subhead, really smoothly... or... how in your copy to weave this into some kind of desire. Like in AIDA. Or, did you just wake up this morning and say " Hey I think I'll go on a copywriting forum and start typing something?". Brett
Number 2 sounds better, i.e. more professional, but these choices have different meanings. (Can Windows not find the root of the problem or does it not know what the problem is?)
To Action Copy: The question of our debate is how to end a sentence. My colleague says that ending it with "is" is fine and he refers to the sentence from Windows XP. I say that sentences with "is" do not sound well as compared to "This device has a problem, but Windows cannot determine the origin of the problem." To Bluoh: If I change it to "This device has a problem, but Windows fails to determine it", does it still sound better that the "is"-sentence?
In both sentences there is a repetition of the word "problem", which does not sound well. So I would go for your third option stated above, i.e. - "This device has a problem, but Windows fails to determine it"
This sounds good to me. Always best to use as little a number of letters/words as possible. (Unless your client is adamant on his article having 500 words not 445 though it would make no difference)
Hi, If this is something in copywriting... when in doubt, use short sentences. That means, let's break up each of your sentences into two sentences. NOW you can have more freedom to say what you really mean. 1.This device has a problem, but Windows cannot determine what the problem is. This device has something wrong with it. Windows tried but cannot find the problem. 2.This device has a problem, but Windows cannot determine the origin of the problem. This device has a problem. Windows can't identify the cause. I'm a firm believer in less words is more. So why not condense? 1.This device has a problem, but Windows cannot determine what the problem is. Windows can't find out why this device won't work right. 2.This device has a problem, but Windows cannot determine the origin of the problem. Windows does not know the cause of this device's problem. Does that make sense? Dot
gmihaylov, lightless, Revelations-Decoder - thank you! That's helpful. 2 dorothydot: Splitting a sentence into bits of meaning is an interesting approach.. i think i need to adopt it myself. condensing a long sentence definitely makes sense. thanks!
The two sentences have different meanings, or they do without a context. Neither is the best without knowing the context it would be in.