I've just re-launched my site after 20 months of work, and I'm planning to start submitting this press release shortly to various online pr wires. I've never written one before. I read several tutorials and tips but it would help to have some feedback on what I actually came up with, from somebody who knows what works and what doesn't. Is there too much of anything? Is anything missing? Thanks! Here's the release draft (actual formatting, contact info, etc, will follow the wire's instructions):
1. Your title is trying too hard to be cute. It means nothing when I read it. It needs to say exactly what the actual news is. If you can work "cute" in too, great. But the news is more important. 2. I'd add a little extra meat to your summary - another sentence at least. You say "new", but give them the actual re-launch date... specifics make it seem more urgent and newsworthy. New could mean a month ago. 3. Make the site mention in the first paragraph an actual link. 4. "drawing digital droves" again is going for cute, but it's kind of distracting when reading in the beginning. You don't want them stopping to re-read it to make sure they got it right. 5. Why does your second paragraph go away from the news entirely, and talk about the insects? You want them to go to your site for that, not here. Stick to the news. If you want filler material, put it lower in the release, not in the second paragraph. 6. You use quotes much better than I usually see here. Just be careful about having 'I' or 'you' showing up too much. Sometimes it can get you banned from various wires, because it jumps out as a testimonial. I think if you hear that though, you could probably just call them and make a case for it in this release. 7. It's generally pretty well written. 8. You're completely missing a boilerplate. You need a heading saying "About YourSite", followed by a closing paragraph that gives general information about the site, company, person the release is about. A boilerplate pretty much remains the same on every release you send. It's just an easy way to give extra background to the media, and if they want more info, they'll then contact you. Jenn
Thanks Jenn. That's just what I needed. I know journalists generally go for tacky puns, but I wasn't sure before if I was overdoing it. I've got a couple more questions: It seems like necessary background for any general audince to understand what the site is about. Would it be better to leave people a little lost on that and explain near the end? I launched the new site on August 16th. Since almost a couple weeks had passed, I thought being less specific (late August) might be better. What do you think? I suppose I could change the verb from "launched" to "announced the launch" or something, which would let me change the date to whenever I send out the release.
It's not so much that you're "overdoing" it. Doing it in addition to saying what the news is up front is fine. Just make sure you're not doing it instead of making the news clear. Jenn
A general audience wouldn't give a mayfly's patoote about your site. Now before you raise your hackle, remember you have a niche site and you want as many of those niche people to understand it. THEY ARE THE PEOPLE WHO MATTER. The general audience wouldn't know a cadis fly from a house fly. ok, it's been a few years since I've been fly flishing so my technical words might be a bit off -
I've already hit the online media which cater specifically to my niche. I'm trying this press release thing to see if I can reach more people via "outdoors" sections of newspapers or something. So my reasoning is that to reach the fly fishermen who read those papers, I've got to impress an editor who may not fly fish himself. So I've got to have enough general audience appeal to get the intermediary to take notice. Does that make sense?
Make sure you have someone who is a grammar nazi read over it. I pass all my stuff through two friends who have mastered the english language. It is amazing what others can see that you can't!
Yes, it would be better to drop that second paragraph down further. Background isn't news. News first... then explain it further if necessary. Saying "late August" is fine.