Hello. I was just wondering if you could please let me know what you think of the impact of this letter: \http://www.slicedot.com/kwb/ I'm interested, of course in what you think about the quality of the letter itself. But I also have a few questions about formatting... - is the Courier font ok? - have I used enough white space? - does the letter "flow"? - do I need to add more pictures or anything to make the text less ... dense? - is it a good idea to include the price of the product in a subhead? or should i tuck it away in a paragraph? Last but not least, thanks a lot in advance! P
mph, First off, the picture you chose did a great job at grabbing my attention. It held me on the page, staring for a moment longer than normal. Which then made me start reading the headline. My only concern with the pic is do you have the rights to it (don't answer that, thats one of those rhetorical questions). If not, then you may want to find a royalty free pic with the same impact. As for the font, look etc. all of that was fine. As for the copy, I have to admit I did not read the entire document. It just was not compelling to me. (this is true constructive criticism, so please take it as such). I get that you are trying to have your personality come through in this, and I think you are doing a good job of that. But you start out in the headline and subheadline telling me what I will get out of this, then you start in about a story about you. Grab me immediately with what will benefit me, have each paragraph compell me to read the next one. I hope that is helpful and good luck.
Apart from a couple of very small, nitpicking, pedantic points (which many people wouldn't agree with anyway), the only thing I can see clearly wrong with it at all is the Courier typeface, which (as I'm told testing has often shown) makes it harder for people to read sales-letters, slows them down and reduces conversions. I even found that very off-putting myself. I would definitely change that, anyway. I agree to an extent with the comment above about some of the text not being particularly interesting, but I suspect that it'll keep people with Writer's Block, looking for a solution, reading it well enough. (I imagine this much be a smallish niche? I don't mean to imply that writer's block itself is so rare, but there can't be a great number of writers attracted to this kind of approach to fixing the problem?) Good luck with the product.
Straight off, don't like the font. At all. Also, I would drop the . . . "from the desk of . . ." sounds a bit like a 1950s crime reporter TV show. Far too stiff and pretentious. Loved the Jack Nicholson pic - get's your attention straight away but . . . as Scott mentioned, problem with getting rights to the pic? If you were allowed to use it, that would be great, but I would definitely spice up the headline more - in keeping with the manic face. For example: "Is writer's block driving you crazy? Is it driving you mad with frustration? Is it driving you over the edge?" etc. I would also tighten up the copy. A lot. Far too loose. Rambles on too much. You give a list of bullet points, showing off the features, but without applying the "so what?" principle. So the product can do a,b and c - so what? What will it do for ME? "Pleasurable and enjoyable" is not a benefit. It's not even a feature. I could get pleasurable and enjoyable from drinking a glass of ice cold soda on a hot summer's day. I need more from your product if I'm going to shell out good money for it. Get the picture?
Thank you so much for all the advice! It's really invaluable. I think I will implement most of the changes you suggested here. Thanks!