I just created a new website which is in my signature. In a different forum, I got pretty bad reviews. To be honest, I don't see what's wrong with it. Does it sell you? And how do you think it can be improved?
The copy itself is actually quite well written. The problem is in space allocation and the headlines. The first mistake is that the video has a white background. When I landed on the page, the only thing that I saw was the headline, when I scrolled down I only saw some blank space. That acts like an instant turn-off. As for the headlines, they simply fail to capture the zeitgeist. People are interested in proactive, aggressive power words these days and the "lazy" brand doesn't quite cut it. Hope this helps. Best regards, George
27+ screens long, is the first things that jumps out at me. Everything that came up on the first screens first loaded as broken images and then finally loaded properly. - People might be leaving rather than waiting for that to load. Put a border or frame around the video and a textual lead in to it. I'm not sure that your title isn't hurting you - 15 methods could mean you are basically selling a document that at most has 15 paragraphs. I saw somewhere a guide for affiliates that went along the lines of... 1 - Find a niche you are interested in. 2 - Find an affiliate. 3 - Research keywords. 4 - Purchase webhosting. 5 - Purchase a domain name. 5 steps/methods/ideas and they are all in the 'well, no duh' category. There was a sentence or two on each and that was about it. Of course it came complete with affiliate links to an affiliate site, keyword research site and webhosting and domain name provider. I gave up reading your piece around the 3rd screen or so and still had not seen anything about how successful you have become using these techniques. I've never really been a fan of the huge sales-letter. I know people do well with them, but, I think most people read a few screens and then scroll down to the bottom to see the bottom line of how much are they going to get for what price. If you are indeed the author and not an affiliate, I would set yourself up as an expert and get to the point where people are asking you if you've written an ebook or offer private mentoring. Of course, take my advice with a grain of salt. I've never been able to master the whole affiliate thing as I'm not willing to write fake reviews and don't want to run a shop site.
I don't see any video, so you must have taken it down, but it is rather long, and that style is ok when your in IM, but it is very high pressure pitch sounding. Also, you contradict yourself in saying all those worthless e-books are just that, worthless, and everyone who's had any success at IM or affiliate marketing knows that. But then you say they are necessary for one of the steps. So if the steps are so valuable why would you source the info from one of these less than substantial products? That's all I'd say. good luck, dm
I didn't see a video either. The page load good and you have most of the elements of a good sales letter but most of those elements need more work. I agree with most of what was said above. Here is a list of things that I would focus on. 1) Your headlines and sub-headlines are week and need to be beefed up. 2) Their are no testimonials from people using these methods successfully. 3) In your bullet points your teaching methods. You need to use more exciting copy. Don't call them methods! People don't want to learn something. Call it something exciting like the secret to creating powerful online videos that will boost your conversions through the roof! 4) Never say things like "This ebook package may appear useless to the average person." You just made the package worthless and called your customer average in the same breath. 5) There are several place through out your letter where your grammar is a mess. You need to fix it. 6) Originally I didn't think your guarantee was strong enough but then I saw you were selling the ebook package for $7 and it is fine. Focus on fixing some of these points and you'll have a much stronger letter.
Have you considered dividing the letter into chunks? Such a long letter usually look like spam, without even clearly conveying to the user what they should be reading. Try to make a more modular website with right images and content.