Hey everyone, I have been silently reading the forums and have learnt much from you all. I have a blog about self improvement that I have built up to nearly 2000 readers over the last 12 months and I have spent the last 3 months creating a book relevant to my blog. The book is a guide to help people overcome their fears, limiting beliefs and personal obstacles to get the life they dream of living. This is my first product I made and it is my first sales letter. I would love some feedback/reviews. (I still need to add testimonials which I am waiting on) http://www.upgradereality.net I appreciate all feedback! Thanks in advance Diggy
this is not a knock to you personally. ALMOST EVERYONE OF YOUR SENTENCES START WITH I THE PERSON WANTS TO KNOW WHAT IS IN IT FOR ME? --- they only care a little bit about you---- 80% them and 20% you-----it must start with them or they will stop reading-----never make it start like an autobiography IF IT IS A SALES PAGE (or even an article, if must follow the 100 year old proven rules (5) and in the correct order 1. ATTENTION -- A REAL KICKOUT TITLE IN RED 2. INTEREST ----- PICK ONE OF THE 8 PRIMARY EMOTIONS 3. CONVICTION-----CONVINCE THEM A PROBLEM EXISTS 4. DESIRE ---------SHOW THEM YOU CAN SOLVE THAT EMOTIONAL VOID 5.CLOSE---------YOU HAVE TO TELL THEM TO BUY NOW, OR INTRODUCTORY PRICE, OR LIMITED EDITION
I just had a look at it and there are so many I's, you are right and thanks for pointing that out! Going to do some editing.
diggy, honest opinion? could do with a lot more zing. without realizing it, i started scrolling and skimming after the second paragraph...
Thank you! Never knew it was so hard to write a compelling sales page. Ok going to study and read some more and work on it. Thanks for the feedback