Client excuse form

I wrote this after some clients just wouldn't get back to me, this can go from a client to a worker though. (ps. I would never actually send this to a client)

Dear [client name],
to avoid further delays in your reply due to you thinking up excuses that may seem all clever to you, I have heard them all and know they are lies. I have made the following form you can just email me back, I'm sure your excuse would be in here anyway.

Dear, [worker name]
I am
[ ] Late
[ ] Delayed
[ ] Held back due to events beyond my control
[ ] Not late, you are mistaken (if checked, end here)
-[ ] You didnt get my email?
[ ] In complete apathy of your petty wants, go do something (if checked, end here)

because,
(check all that apply)
[ ] I am lazy
[ ] a grandparent died.
[ ] I was sick.
-[ ] my sickness resulted in a stay in the hospital.
[ ] I was in a car accident.
[ ] my HDD crashed.
[ ] my PSU crached.
[ ] my [insert broken computer part here] broke.
[ ] my power went out.

Please understand that I will have the (files / payment)
[ ] as soon as possible,
[ ] as soon as the other workers finish,
[ ] when I feel like it,

Besides:
(check all that you think apply)
[ ] I have done everything else well
[ ] you haven't been reliable yourself
[ ] I am in a different time zone, its late, goodnight (you dont have to be in a different time zone)

[ ] Sincerely,
[ ] Signed,
[ ] p*ss off [end here if checked]

[Client name]
Click to expand...

If you want to, run the message though the 1337 translator and completely convince me I need to make my upfronts higher.

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Client excuse form

Village_Idiot Peon

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Client excuse form

Village_Idiot Peon

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