A magician works on a cruise ship and entertains the audience with his show. The only problem is that the captain’s parrot has figured out all his tricks and tells them during the show. “Aaarrr, it’s in his sleeve, it’s in his sleeve, Aaarrr†“Aaarrr, it’s under his hat, it’s under his hat, Aaarrr†One night the parrot starts again to tell trick. The magician pulls out a gun and shoots at the parrot. The parrot dodged the bullet; it hit a propane tank and blew the ship into a million pieces. The only two survivors are the magician and the parrot floating on a piece of wood in the middle of the ocean. The parrot looks around, looks at the magician and say: “Aaarrr, ok, you got me. Where is the ship?â€
Ok, I wil tell you one. Once a fisherman caught a golden fish and obviously she asked him to leave her alone and his most desired wish will be fulfiled. The man agreed and said: I want to posses a weenie that could reach the ground. So she made his legs dissaper and got away.
A dejected Communist Party candidate trudges home after the polls close. "So, Mark, how many votes did you get?" asks his wife. "Two," he responds. She slaps him hard across the face. Mark: "What was that for?" Wife: "You have a mistress, now do you!!?"
Since rockinfuture liked the one so much, I might have one here for you. In the 17th century, a ship is out on the ocean. All of a sudden, the guy in the crow nest shouts: “Captain, there is an enemy ship on the horizon!!†The Captain says: “Well then men, prepare for battle!†He turns to his first mate and says: “Get me my right shirt!†The battle begins and the Captain doesn’t lose one man. Everybody is cheering as the first mate asks the Captain in private: “Captain, why did I have to bring you your red shirt?†The Captain answers: “So that the sailors can’t see me bleeding and keep on fighting!†The first mate responds: “Wow, that’s awesome!†Three days later, the guy in the crow nest shouts: “Captain, 20 enemy ships on the horizon!!†The Captain says: “Well then men, prepare for battle!†He turns to his first mate and says: “Get me my brown pants!â€