Classic cricket sledges

In light of the 'jellybeangate' incident in the second Test between Engkand and India here's a list of classic cricket sledges:

Rod Marsh & Ian Botham:
When Botham took guard in an Ashes match, Marsh welcomed him to the wicket with the immortal words: "So how's your wife & my kids?"
Botham retort was "Wife is fine, kids are retarded"

Daryll Cullinan & Shane Warne:
As Cullinan was on his way to the wicket, Warne told him he had been waiting 2 years for another chance to humiliate him. "Looks like you spent it eating," Cullinan retorted.

Glenn McGrath (bowling to portly Zimbabwean chicken farmer Eddo Brandes):
"Hey Eddo, why are you so fucking fat?"
Eddo Brandes: "Because every time I fuck your wife, she throws me a biscuit."

Robin Smith & Merv Hughes:
During 1989 Lords Test, Hughes said to Smith after he played & missed: "You can't fucking bat."
Smith to Hughes after he smacked him to the boundary: "Hey Merv, we make a fine pair. I can't fucking bat & you can't fucking bowl."

Merv Hughes & Javed Miandad:
During 1991 Adelaide Test, Javed called Merv a fat bus conductor. A few balls later Merv dismissed Javed. "Tickets please," Merv called out as he ran past the departing batsman.

Merv Hughes & Viv Richards:
During a test match in the West Indies, Hughes didn't say a word to Viv, but continued to stare at him after deliveries. "This is my island, my culture. Don't you be staring at me. In my culture we just bowl." Merv didn't reply, but after he dismissed him he announced to the batsman: "In my culture we just say fuck off."

Ian Healy & Arjuna Ranatunga:
And of course you can't forget Ian Healy's legendary comment which was picked up by the Channel 9 microphones when Arjuna Ranatunga called for a runner on a particularly hot night during a one-dayer in Sydney: "You don't get a runner for being an overweight, unfit, fat ****!"

James Ormond & Mark Waugh
Ormand had just come out to bat on an Ashes tour and was greeted by Mark Waugh.
MW: "Fuck me, look who it is. Mate, what are you doing out here? There's no way you're good enough to play for England."
JO: "Maybe not, but at least I'm the best player in my family."

Glenn McGrath & Ramnaresh Sarwan
McGrath to Sarwan: "So what does Brian Lara's dick taste like?"
Sarwan: "I don't know. Ask your wife."
McGrath (losing it): "If you ever fucking mention my wife again, I'll fucking rip your fucking throat out!"

Mark Waugh & Adam Parore
Waugh standing at second slip, the new player (Parore) comes to the crease playing & missing the first ball. Mark: "Oh, I remember you from a couple years ago in Australia. You were shit then, you're fucking useless now."
Parore (turning around): "Yeah, that's me. And when I was there you were going
out with that old, ugly slut. And now I hear you've married her, you dumb ****!"

Ian Healy & Arjuna Ranatunga
Yet another Australian witticism with this time porky Sri Lankan batsman Arjuna Ranatunga the victim. Shane Warne, trying to tempt the batsman out of his crease mused what it took to get the plump character to get out of his crease and drive. Wicketkeeper Ian Healy piped up, "Put a Mars Bar on a good length. That should do it."

Ravi Shastri vs the Aussie 12th man (don't remember who, and don't want to slander anyone)
Shastri hits it to this guy and looks for a single. This guy gets the ball in and says, "If you leave the crease I'll break your fucking head."
Shastri: "If you could bat as well as you can talk you wouldn't be the fucking 12th man."

Malcolm Marshall & David Boon
Malcolm Marshall was bowling to David Boon who had played and missed a couple of times. Marshall: "Now, David, are you going to get out now or am I going to have to bowl around the wicket and kill you?"

Fred Trueman & Raman Subba Row
Fred Trueman bowling. The batsman edges and the ball goes to first slip, and right between Raman Subba Row's legs. Fred doesn't say a word. At the end of the over, Row ambles past Trueman and apologises sheepishly. "I should've kept my legs together, Fred. "So should your mother," he replied.

Viv Richards v Greg Thomas
This incident took place during a county championship match between Glamorgan and Somerset. Glamorgan paceman Thomas had beaten Richards' bat a couple of times and informed him: "It's red, round and weighs about five ounces, in case you were wondering."

The very next ball Sir Issac Vivian Andrews Richards gave him the royal treament and smashed the ball out of the ground, into a nearby river - at which point he piped up: "Greg, you know what it looks like. Now go and fetch it."

Steve Waugh & Parthiv Patel
This happened during India's tour of Australia in 2001. The series was level at 1-1. It was the 5th and final test at Sydney and India was 4 wickets away from a historic series victory on Aussie soil. However, the aussie Captain, Steve Waugh was proving a thorn in India's back. Playing in his last test match (as he had announced retirement), he mounted a rear-guard action and was fighting for a draw, and was the only one who stood between India and victory. In an attempt to induce him to do something foolish, the 16 year old Indian wicket keeper chirps " Hey Steve, how about one of those famous slog sweep of yours before you leave forever?". Waugh, a veteran of such tactics replied " Sonny! You better show some respect! You were pooping in your diapers when I made my debut"

Sunil Gavaskar
Once, during the tour of West Indies, a young bowler was trying to get under Gavaskar's skin by sledging. Gavaskar, a senior player retorted "Son, don't waste time sledging at me. I have been sledged at more often than you have taken a piss".

Trueman and Aussie batsman
In an England v Australia Test during early 1960's Trueman was fielding close to the gate from the pavilion. As a new batsman came out he turned to shut the gate, Trueman said "Don't bother son, you won't be out there long enough."

Adam Parore and Daryll Cullinan.
Because Cullinan is well known for being Warne's bunny, New Zealand keeper Parore greeted the South African, carefully playing the first ball from kiwi Chris Harris, with a cry of: "Bowled Warnie!"

Healy & Hansie
In one of the tour matches in South Africa, Australia played Hansie Cronje's province. Cronje was at the non strikers end, there was a short chubby batsman on strike. Ian Healy yelled to Warne, (I think) "Bowl a Mars Bar half way down...We'll get him stumped" The Aussies and Cronje were all in hysterics. the batsman's retort: "Nah, Boonie fielding at short leg will be onto it before I can move."

Bill Lawry & Richie Benaud
While commentating during a match in which Pakistan was faring badly in all departments of the game, Bill Lawry, offering a solution said "I think Pakistan's problem is they've got to relax", to which Benaud replies nonchalantly, "I don't agree. I think Pakistan have got to learn how to bat, bowl and field. It's a simple game."

David Hookes & Tony Greig
Centenary Test in Melbourne 1977. A young David Hookes makes his way to the crease in his debut test. The English captain was South African born Tony Greig.
Greig : "When are balls going to drop sonny"
Hookes : "Don't know but at least I'm playing Cricket for my own country"

Merv Hughes Vs Hansie Cronje
Hughes was one of the greatest exponents of the fine "art" of sledging. Once during a tour game in South Africa Hughes was bowling to Hansie Cronje . It was an especially flat wicket and Cronje was hitting Hughes for fours and sixes all over the place.
After the umpteenth boundary, Hughes headed down the pitch, stood near Cronje, let out a fart and said: "Try hitting that for six." It was five minutes before the guffawing stopped and play could resume.

Viv Richards to Gavaskar
Gavaskar had decided to relinquish his opening position and come in at no 4 for that test. But, Malcolm Marshall fired out Anshuman Gaekwad and Dilip Vengsarkar for ducks, setting the stage for Gavaskar to walk in at 0/2. And he thought there would be less pressure! Viv Richards says "Man, it don't matter where you come in to bat, the score is still zero."

Waugh Vs Jamie Siddons:
In a Sheffield Shield game between NSW and SA, a Waugh twin (not sure which) was taking an enternity to take guard, asking the umpire for centre, middle and leg, two legs - the whole lot. Then he steps away towards leg side and has another look around the field, before re checking centre. Jamie Siddons is at slip, and decided enough is enough. He yells out. "For christ sake, it's not a 'f*ckin test match."
Waugh replies: " Of course it isn't … You're here. "

Barmy Army Vs Shane Warne:
England's "Barmy Army" recently decided to sledge leg spinner Shane Warne musically, and it has been described as boorishly personal, but effective. The sledge was based on Chirpy Chirpy Cheep Cheep - the "Where's your poppa gone?" Song. It has been converted to " Where's your missus gone?" (Warne had recently been divorced.)

Healy & Atherton
Michael Atherton, on his first Tour to Australia was adjudged not out on a caught behind appeal.
At the end of the over Ian Healey walked by and announced "You're a f*@$%#* cheat".
Athers replied very politely "When in Rome dear boy.......".

 

You got some great collection dude.. from where you collected them?

 

u seem to be a die hard fan of cricket

 

Thats an old forward, but hilarious every time you read it !

 

I particularly like the Healy to Gavaskar mars bar one.

 

As soccer-writer says I got them from an email. But only yesterday so it wasn't 'old' to me! Plus some I hadn't heard before.

 

Lol. Even I hadnt heard a few. I admit !

 

Well those are really good collection for me. Thanks for sharing it. I am sure there more sledges collection there but we can't find it.

 

Most of them I heard before but some are new to me.... thanks

 

Great Collection...

Thanks Mate

 

Thanks for sharing!!

 

Nice post, Its a very impressive article in my opinion. Its completely my pleasure for comment this post.