I have a book for guys in the "how to get girls" genre. I used to have a small description on my blog but I took some lessons from copywriting resources and made it's own page... http://www.bangfieldguide.com/p/index.html It's spread over 3 pages. First page says why I'm qualified to teach this material, second page is free information to get the user interested in the product, and third page lists all the features and has the call to action (ordering the paperback from an online bookstore). The copy is meant for people who are at least somewhat already familiar with my writing and not a cold visitor. Comments appreciated!
I know where you got the design of that site from. I liked how you related your fictional story, but you jumped straight to the condom stage. How are guys suppose to initiate sex??? You didn't talk about that. You are going to lose a lot of potential customers, because all you have there is text. Yes, many will read it, but just as many will not. Put in a nice picture or two. Have a picture of a couple, and put underneath it briefly how that guy got her. Brother, your third page is just waaaaaaaaaaay too damn long! Most, if not practically all of your visitors will not read all of that.
Change the header logo, its just not look professional enough. Get something yellow and make the background of page as white. Blue is too strong IMO.
The 3-page style wasn't working too well. I was losing 40% of my audience with each page. I made some changes by putting it all on one page and shortening it. I also added pictures.
40%? I was thinking at least 70% No offense. Well, you can have a site with multiple pages, but they have to be short, interesting, have a nice picture, and a free tip. That's what I have done. I did mine like a tour, and called it a "Virtual Gallery Tour." That's where DeAngelo and all the copy cats fucked up. They put in boring, loooooooong-ass pages, no pics, and and no free tips. DeAngelo goes through affiliates like water because they aren't makig money. Most of the visitors don't go to the last page, and of the ones who do, many of them will not read all of that text. You wrote: "I was deciding which one I wanted until I found out they were under 18..." lol nice. I like that. The pics really adds to the page, don't they? And they break up all of that long-ass text. Not many will read the testimonials. Maybe you could put them off to the left side. Have the paragraphs narrower, cut 'em in half so it will take up less space going from left to right. Make the text smaller. I use Verdena font, size 8. Perfect. This way it will enable you to put more in, while at the same time making your page shorter. And for the ones who do read 'em, well, they will be right there, in plain view. If you do put the testimonials there, you will obviously have a problem with that blue background. The neon green is, well, it sucks. Sorry. Most do not like neons. Where is your free advice? Underneath one of your pics, you have: "At the club with my Aussie wingman. We approached them while they were sitting on the bed." A lot of guys would like to know how you did it. So...tell them! Have a free tip for each page. And don't forget that picture! On the bottom put in what the next tip will be, and a "next" button. Example: "Click here to see how I got to talking to this one girl in the mall, and landed up getting a date." All of those bulleted lines under your, "here's a few things you'll learn in my book...," you should consider making free tips out of one-fourth of them. At the same time your page will, again, be shortened. If you can, put your ordering form underneath all your free tips and on your home page. Get them at the heat of the moment. Yeah, you may want to consider getting rid of that bright blue. Try steel blue. #46,82,B4. Colors should be soft, soothing. Most popualr colors are teal, and light to medium shades of blue and gray. Also accept checks by mail. Many do not have credit or debit cards. Consider having your "click here to order bang" link open a new window. I had a bit of a time hitting the back button to go back to your site. I closed out of lulu, but in doing so I lost your site too. You have: "Here's to many notches in the future," I don't know what that means. Sorry. And it should be, here are too many.... You should do a grammar check on your page, just to be sure. Heard enough? ~ I'm in the same business, by the way. Good luck with it.
The video is hilarious and so is your blog.. the copy is ok I would tighten up the graphics and add more value to your book. Maybe some type of scarcity factor. also your story is kind of boring and typical.
I think if you add some more flair to the story, you will have more success, basically I think you are on the right path but really need some things to make yourself stand out from the crowd!
Do you have a funny, embarrassing moment that most people wouldn't share? You may get some people's attention by that because they think "Oh wow, that sucks. I did that but I'd never tell anyone!" Just a thought.