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Can you read over my press release and offer a suggestion or two?

Discussion in 'General Marketing' started by drig, Dec 27, 2006.

  1. jhmattern

    jhmattern Illustrious Member

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    #21
    The first thing that I noticed on a quick scan was the ending. You still don't have a basic boilerplate, and you need to lose the "If you would like to submit your image hosting..." line. That's a "sales" pitch. Lose it, and instead go with something like "For more information about the image hosting directory or its contributions to the Make A Wish Foundation, please visit...."

    You never say why you're getting involved with the charity. Even if your own motives are just publicity, you need to say something. For instance, you could go with a "even though the holidays are over, children still need our help" kind of thing.

    Remove the text you took right from the charity's website, and write your own summary. You can't simply take their description without it being an actual partnership between you and the organization, or without their permission.

    The "not only is this an opportunity..." line should be higher in the release. The charity description should be down around (preferably right before) your boilerplate once you add it.

    Clarify "submissions" in the opening. Use "paid directory inclusions" or something similar. While webmasters know what you mean, that doesn't mean every journalist is going to pick it up immediately. You need to be clear.

    There's really no need to list times in the press release for something like this. Just list the dates. You can be more specific about times if you post an announcement on your own site. If you do, mention the timezone. Otherwise people might make last minute additions thinking it's going to charity, not realizing you're in a different timezone, and it's passed. But like I said, that can stay on your site.
     
    jhmattern, Dec 29, 2006 IP
  2. drig

    drig Peon

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    #22
    Thank you for taking the time to review the release. I will fix it up and send it off to distribution. I like the angle Im taking (with the donations to charity) and I also thank you again for that idea.
     
    drig, Dec 29, 2006 IP
  3. jrbiz

    jrbiz Acclaimed Member

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    #23
    First time posting on DigitalPoint, so please bear with me.

    I just wanted to mention that you need your complete contact information right at the top of the PR (assuming that you are the person who wishes to be contacted by the press if they have follow up questions, etc.) I also recommend a Headline and a sub-headline to catch their attention. Something along this line:

    Headline: XYZ COMPANY OFFERING SPECIAL CHARITY PROMOTION

    Sub-Headline: Donations will positively affect many sick children

    You also need to list the location and date that the PR is coming from. Good luck.

    JR
     
    jrbiz, Dec 29, 2006 IP
    drig likes this.
  4. jhmattern

    jhmattern Illustrious Member

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    #24
    If you're distributing online, you want to avoid sub-headings completely, b/c they're not accounted for in distribution sites.
     
    jhmattern, Dec 29, 2006 IP
  5. charlesartist

    charlesartist Peon

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    #25
    You guys really help each other out. This is a very inspiring forum!
     
    charlesartist, Dec 29, 2006 IP
  6. drig

    drig Peon

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    #26
    Welcome and it is! Nice to see someone get some help with a PR and then turn around and give some business advice / suggestions. With so many users, we complement each other quite well.
     
    drig, Dec 29, 2006 IP
  7. drig

    drig Peon

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    #27
    I just finished the PR. Im actually pretty impressed by it (PRweb editorial score 4, well written, CHARITY) and Im submitting it at PRWeb ($80), prleap ($10), and pr.com (free). Should I have all the websites submit the release on the same day for release it different days on different PR sites? Thanks.
     
    drig, Dec 29, 2006 IP
  8. jhmattern

    jhmattern Illustrious Member

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    #28
    News should be released on the same day.
     
    jhmattern, Dec 29, 2006 IP
  9. drig

    drig Peon

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    #29
    Thats what I figured and how I submitted my release. Thank you!
     
    drig, Dec 29, 2006 IP
  10. jrbiz

    jrbiz Acclaimed Member

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    #30
    Hi,

    Thanks for that tip. Did not realize that online PR's had that subheading limitation. I have used sub-headings very effectively in traditional PR efforts.

    JR
     
    jrbiz, Dec 29, 2006 IP
  11. jhmattern

    jhmattern Illustrious Member

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    #31
    They're great if you're going to fax a release or email it to a journalist (if they're useful of course). The difference is that with online distribution you include a summary, which generally isn't included on a print release. They serve the same basic purpose of expanding on the heading... the summary is just usually a bit longer.
     
    jhmattern, Dec 29, 2006 IP
  12. jrbiz

    jrbiz Acclaimed Member

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    #32
    Hi,

    Interesting. These days, I email my personal press list with the headline, subheading and a short summary and then provide a link to the full press release which is up on my website. Of course, I am generally involved with niche B2B businesses for which a big, general purpose press blast is not very effective.

    JR
     
    jrbiz, Dec 29, 2006 IP
  13. drig

    drig Peon

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    #33
    Should I also distribute through forums? Possible a post with the PR in the announcements section here, phplinkdirectory, etc? Should I just let the PR distributors do their job? Thanks.
     
    drig, Dec 29, 2006 IP
  14. jhmattern

    jhmattern Illustrious Member

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    #34
    That sounds like an effective solution if you're linking them to the full release. My experience is that I get better pickups with a full in-body release when distributed through email (attachments I suppose would be the biggest no-no in this sense), so that's what I stick with. It probably is going to vary a bit depending on your niche audience and preferences of certain outlets.

    Drig, I wouldn't do that. If anything, write up your own blog post on it, and link to that from forums if you want to. You have to keep in mind that most of the time, forum members aren't the same audience you're targeting with a press release, b/c press releases should be targeted for pickups and not directly to your end readers. Someplace like this with a lot of webmasters may lead to a few blog posts, but they're also the same people who would likely come across it from the distribution, if they're actually interested in your niche.
     
    jhmattern, Dec 29, 2006 IP
  15. drig

    drig Peon

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    #35
    Good point. I wish I could keep giving you rep, but it wont let me (says I have to spread it around). I ended up spending a LOT more than I wanted on press release distribution and I guess Im trying to maximize my results. Im going to sit back and see how they do. Hopefully it will get picked up and people will donate / upgrade submissions for make-a-wish, if not, at least both our websites have been promoted a little.
     
    drig, Dec 29, 2006 IP
  16. Dominic

    Dominic Well-Known Member

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    #36
    I know you have already submitted, but for the sake of learning, here are some tips:

    Of all the things you mentioned about your site, none of them are unique to your site. So there really isn’t much point mentioning them. Who cares if you have a sitemap? Why is it noteworthy that you have social bookmarking links?

    Giving to charity isn’t newsworthy either. There has to be something interesting about the donation or significant or different or something with consequences worth highlighting.

    So in your case, it could be the fact that the way you are raising the money is interesting because it’s a new approach, different to how money is normally raised.

    For example if the main way they fundraise is by having car washes, you would ‘tell the story’ something like: The foundation’s income has traditionally been raised through car washes, netting on average a few hundred dollars a day. However one entrepreneur is donating a month’s revenue from his website that catalogues image hosting options. Founder of www.imagehostingdirectory.com Mr. Fred Smith said “We hope to raise two thousand dollars for the foundation over the month of January.” Smith plans to present the cheque at one of the charity car washes. He said “I think the going rate for a car wash is five dollars so I’m sure it will be a welcome surprise when I pay two thousand dollars.” While it’s not likely that other businesses will turn up with a month’s turnover to donate, Smith said he would approach several companies to make matching donations. “This will be an annual event for our company, each January our revenue will be donated to a different charity, so I’m particularly interested in partnering with some other companies with the view to donating ten thousand dollars collectively each year.”

    See the difference? To get a story like that run in the newspaper or on tv, you would ideally release the story after you have raised the money and invite the media to attend the car wash for a photo.

    Generally about your release:

    First thing I noticed was there wasn’t a spokesperson making quotable comments. E.g. Founder of Image Hosting Directory, Mr. Fred Smith said “Our aim is to…”

    You could have mentioned:
    * A projected amount or fundraising goal: We hope to raise two thousand dollars for the foundation.
    * The foundation’s total income for the previous year, putting your amount in context.
    * Approximately how much money Americans give to charity each year.
    * A consequence, for example what two grand will enable the charity to do?

    Other Notes:
    * I would have made it for the month of January, every year, selecting a different charity each year.
    * No need to include the registered symbol.
    * I would only list your website, and not include the http://
    * You should include contact details for the media spokesperson for the charity.
     
    Dominic, Dec 30, 2006 IP
    drig likes this.