I recently wrote an ebook and made an ad copy / sales letter type of website for it: http://makemoneywithfacebook.com/ One thing I've never done before, which I added was that I will donate 10% of the proceeds to the American Red Cross. I don't know if that will help boost sales or not. I recently posted my product to ClickBank, but it hasn't been approved yet. I just want to get some overall feedback. What do you think? What can I improved? Tear it up, tell me whatever you think. Thanks so much. -Hooman
hi hooman I think you must change your headline. People always use how else. try the different headline. try to little bit hype because people love lazy way.
Yeah, I read in a lot of places that "who else" is effective, but you're right it is used a lot, I'll change it. Overall, I tried not to exaggerate too much, and tried to be more honest. I thought if I exaggerate it would be scammy. You have a point though, I will modify it a bit. I appreciate the feedback.
I agree, the title is far too long for it to be truly effective - you need something short, quick to read and extremely catchy. I do like how you have made the copy quite personal and hard hitting. The only bit I really don't like is the bit in the black box (this product is not for everyone bit), it comes off rude and totally pointless to be honest. If I was reading it as a potential customer, I would exit the page after reading that bit. Up to that bit I may have been swaying towards buying... Sarah
Here goes... and remember, these are my suggestions only. Consider using a "Pre-Tag" qualification header sentence at the top of your page that leads into the Main Headline. In effect, the headline will answer the question you pose in your pre-heading Where's your squeee page? You're missing out on a ton of traffic by not having a squeeze page. Its rule #1. You MUSt have a squeeze page as a flycatcher so you can market to people who will not buy on the first visit (because a large proportion will not) "Discover How You Can Make Money With Facebook... Get Out Of Debt, Quit Your Stressful Day Job..." ~~> Possibly change to "or" quit your stressful day job if you're tired of trading time for money "This is unlike anything you have ever seen. It's not just another ebook or course…" ~~~> More powerful if you explain why it is! "Did you know... Of the over 70 million Facebook users, less than 30,000 are using it to make money. That's less than .0005% of the entire Facebook population!" ~~~> Consider using a graph here, i.e. a pie-chart or something. More powerful vuisually. "Make Money With Facebook" ~~~> Consider using the powerful "How to..." phrase. It works Just a few thoughts before dashing off and I hope they help. PM me if you need any further assistance and I'll see if I can help if I have the bandwidth.
Thanks for those pointers, I've changed the title and I took out that box. I was going for some reverse psychology, but I guess it did come off kind of rude. Hmm, thanks a lot for that feedback. I will modify my title a bit and explain stuff better. About the squeeze page... I always thought that would deter people, I didn't realize it's that important. But I will put one up shortly, good idea. The pie chart is a really cool point, I'll add that for sure. Yeah, the name throwing in the "how to" ...I thought that may make it too long, but it does sound better. I really appreciate your input. I'm going to make some of these changes.
All it talks about is a "opportunity" on facebook. What if that "opportunity" is something that i have no intention of doing. Not everybody is going to say "let me buy that book and see if it's something i can do or am interested in doing". If you tell them or atleast give a specific hint [Not a general "make money online"] as to what will they have to do apart from making a profile, it would be better. Example : Using facebook to boost product sales/website visitors etc.
You could burn the copy and create an online infomercial instead. It's stickier and will convert much better. But, that takes more work. BTW, you're crossing some target audience lines and stuff here. For instance, your opening is geared toward the "make a lot of money now" crowd. You then kill them off by saying this isn't a "make a lot of money now" product. If you're going to present it as a business opportunity, you need to dump language for that other crowd and make the message consistent. If your main audience is people who want to make money now, telling them it's not a get rich quick thing won't earn you credit points. It will simply turn a portion of the audience off, and "wake up" another portion. The result is lost opportunity. Anyway, I'm tired and my game is waiting for me. Good luck!
Hello, The copy was written very well. Grammar and structure were both great. From a customer's standpoint, I would be interested in knowing how this information (E-book) has produced income for others. You made it clear that a lot of money can be made with Facebook. But you also said, "Don't expect to get rich" right away...which is reasonable. Who has already made money with the program. How much have they made. In other words, I believe testimonials add the extra "umph" that's needed. Jackie
I don't have any comments on the copy itself, but have you checked with the American Red Cross before advertising that you will be donating proceeds to them? I worked with a business owner who wanted to donate 100% of his ad revenue to a prominent charitable organization. He had me write up a press release and he posted it online. The next day, he got an e-mail from the foundation asking him to take down all publicity because he had not gotten their approval beforehand. Just a little tip so that you don't run into any problems.
Every word starting with a capital letter in the title. All the yellow highlighted text. The neverending page etc. It certainly looks like one of those type that you are claiming you aren't. I'd have clicked off in an instant, but if that is what you want it was actually not a bad version of that type of thing. You just need the "exact amount" claim to really finish it off..you know the "earn $4034.56" claims. As I say the whole style is not my cup of tea, but it does work and good luck.