Can I Show You My Copy To Get Your Opinion?

Hello, I wanted to confirm if it's ok with the forum rules to post the url for my first sales letter.

It's for an ebook I've written.

After reading many books and articles about copywriting this has been my first attempt at writing persuasive and compelling copy and would be great getting some feedback.

Thanks!

 

While my "Peon with 60 posts" status gives me no authority whatsoever .. I see lots of URLs posted here.

 

I do not see why you shouldnt be able to post it. If you want, post it and PM me the link and I'll comment on it for you. I'd like to read it.

- Robert DeVore

 

Hi, this is my sales letter for the ebook.

Thanks for your help in advance!

 

Your sales page looks simple, straight to the point and convincing, which is good! Hope you do well on the ebook. I'll consider writing a review on your sales page.

 

Check your pmb...

 

Thank you for your comments guys. Anybody else?

 

Hmmm I took one look at your headline and thought - well you don't need to know just what I thought but it didn't encourage me to read any further.

Headlines should generally be no more than 7 to 11 words in length and really grab the reader by the essentials to encourage him/her to read further.

 

I agree with the title comment, it is way to long. Your title "I refuse to sell women's panties" is much more effective.

Your copy "asks" a lot of questions, which no doubt someone told you "engages the reader", and draws them inside the copy with mental "yes" answers ... only many of your questions are "real" questions which have an answer of "no" for many people.. for example, do you speak different languages?

The length is good, but it looses staying power about 1/3 of the way through. Length is effective, but you can't just have length for length's sake, there has to be reason, otherwise it is like some uncle's bad joke that just keeps going and going and going.

It is a very good first attempt however, and as a professional writer I would suggest trying it again.

Glenn Hefley

 

Thank you for your valuable advice Glenn and Stuart, I'll test the copy some days to see how it goes and then I'll make some changes.

Any other ideas?

Cheers!

 

As I mentioned in another thread, a great resource for anyone who wants to learn the trade of copywriting is a site found at copyblogger.com - Brian is currently running a series on headlines and Copywriting 101 in the Resource section is definitely worth reading.

 

There are a ton of great books on this subject. I ran across one not to long ago that you could probably find in your local library. "On the art of Writing Copy" by Hershell Gordon Lewis .. is the name of it.

I write probably 20 to 30 sell pages a month. What helps me is music. Seriously, I'm not kidding at all. Sell copy needs to have energy, and rhythm. Not the rhythm you find in poems or cadence, but a rhythm none the less.

It should engage the reader ... heck it should engage you.

The best advice I could hand out is to stay away from "tricks" and find a voice that sells.

I do quite a bit of research on the topics I write sell sheets for, if you check my website and find the African Mask sell sheet, you will see that I went through a great deal of research to find the voice and tone for that one. When I first got the assignment I thought "How do you sell these? They are pieces of wood, that hang on the wall, and look frightening, or at best unattractive. No one "needs" an African mask, and if you "want" one, you don't need to be sold on the idea".

I look for a reason I would buy something. Then I expound on that. People think alike. We don't like to admit that, but people generally think the same things. If your copy doesn't sell you, if you feel that it is cheesy or tricking someone into something.... it probably is, and other readers probably think the same way.

The last thing I'll suggest, as I feel I'm getting a bit long winded here, is to always keep the real goal of your sell sheet in mind.

Some copy sells a product directly, some only wants to produce a phone call or website visit. Some copy wants you to add your email address to a list. What ever the goal is, never stray from it in terms of extra information. Sell copy isn't like any other type of writing. It has to be very clean and very effective in order to produce sales, or achieve the goal.

So, with that I'll shut up.

 

i am not an expert but i think your copy needs to be less cluttered, i mean design and layout, it should be a bit more intresting. I find it difficult to grab key points while scanning your copy which is very important to get your message accross to your reader.

Perhaps you should put a few more headlines. i have seen professional letters which follow this very same principal. heading -> a paragraph -> fluff ( i mean less important topics). this is repeated throughout the letter.

You could also have done a little bit less of your bullets. We have a saying "too much of anything is bad". Anyways this century is of "Less is beautiful", literally

Here is another tip i read it right now. Keep your pragraphs not more than five sentences deep.

I hope it helps.

Sumit
www.surfnearnzone.com