I'm fairly new to this board, and I have recently designed my own site. www.LinkGoggles.com is a randomized directory that I am hoping can kick off. Only thing is, I wrote my press release, but I have no idea if it is the best thing since sliced bread or should I start over completely. All criticism, good or bad is welcomed and appreciated. Thanks. High School Student’s Innovative Way of Internet Advertising Looks Promising Windsor, Connecticut. January 7, 2007 Just as any other senior in high school, the thought of expenses for a higher education were creeping into the back of 17-year-old Nicholis Jones’ mind. In mid-January, Jones launched a website, www.LinkGoggles.com, a new and creative directory that helps business and customers come together like never before. With the launch, Jones’ site features a unique way for webmasters to get the word out for their web page. Instead of pop-up or banner ads, LinkGoggles.com presents a randomized database that is sorted by category. When the viewer selects from the categories, he or she is launched to a page in the site’s database that pertains to that subject. “There are billions of pages on the internet out there that aren’t getting a lot of viewsâ€, said Jones. “I know people were tired of seeing pop up ads and having their email addresses cluttered with junk mail, so I wanted to make it easier for them to find what they are looking for on the web. I think my site does a pretty decent job at it.†LinkGoggles.com takes a pioneering approach of bringing websites of all kinds and people together. Designed with everyone in mind, it isn’t just for shopping. From blogs to entertainment, there is an array of what you can pick from. You can find out more information online by visiting http://www.LinkGoggles.com.
The comma goes inside the quotation mark. If you absolutely must used the word "array" in your copy, use wide array. Saying array by itself is simply telling people that you have something to pick from, which isn't saying much. I'm not going to comment on the PR in general any more than I have, but if you want to stick with an opening like this, make it clearer and snappier. Here's an example: Jason's Version: Faced with the daunting task of coming up money for college, high school senior, Nicholis Jones, 17, had a stroke of genius. I hope you can see the difference between your opening and mine. And yes, my opening could be rewritten 1000 ways (I'm thinking up at least 50 as I type this). But, that will give you an example. Anyway, I've said more for free than I should. I'm sure Jenn will be along to throw her 2 cents in. Good luck!
lol Always Jason. As for the PR... 1. Get rid of any reference to the words "you" or "I." If you need new quotes, get them. Avoid anything but third person to keep it flowing, and to stop it from getting rejected or delayed as a possible advertisement. 2. The quote you have is useless. Get rid of it. Nothing should ever be in a quote in a press release unless a) it must come from an authority source, or b) it can't be put any other way. And considering the quote itself is poor, and you can't rightly do heavy editing on a quote, scrap it or get another. 3. Who says it looks "promising"? Get rid of that from your headline. That's just an opinion, and has no place in a press release. 4. It's on the short side, especially when the quote's removed. 5. You're missing a boilerplate completely. 6. Listen to Jason regarding the intro. 7. Who say's it's a "creative" directory. Lose the adjectives throughout it if it can be taken as opinion. It's up to the journalists to decide if it's creative. Your job is getting them the facts. 8. Don't call it "unique" unless you're 100% sure it's unique. At least make sure you search thoroughly first. If there's another randomized directory out there, it's not unique. 9. "Pioneering" is another of those words you should lose, unless you can prove it. 10. You have no summary right now. If you want to distribute online, add one. None of this is to be mean. You asked. But this release needs to be totally scrapped and re-worked, from the writing to the quote to the angle to the headline and intro. You're missing important components, and essentially there's no news value. Unless you can prove that there's absolutely nothing similar, even the randomized directory bit is nothing. Even if it is unique, it's not enough on its own. Right now, your release just says "some high school kid launched a website to try to earn money for college." Who cares? ... You better. And you better be able to tell others why they should. You need to tie it to something bigger. Research stats on the cost of a college education or something. If there were any recent reports, quote some that data, and tie the release to it. You need to associate with something bigger than yourself to have even remotely significant news value. As for help with the formatting issues and missing areas, one of the links in my sig has a free template available (one for online distribution and one for offline distribution). Feel free to use them to help you out. There are also a variety of specific tips there in the public relations / media relations area (the link to BizAmmo.com). Jenn
Basically, you are saying that you are "randomnly" listing sites in your "directory". Do you really think that it's a good news angle? Even if your press release gets published, I'm not sure how much benefit it will bring to you/ your site... Bye
Thanks everyone for the constructive criticism, hopefully I got everything right that was said. This time through I tried to follow the template that you directed me to jhmattern. One question I do have however is if I should leave Eccentric in the title. Thanks again. High School Student’s Innovative and Eccentric Way of Internet Advertising Unveiled Windsor, Connecticut. January 7, 2007 A mind-boggling increase in the price for college has led a small-town teenager to attempt to change the face of internet advertising. Faced with the demoralizing task of coming up with money for the increasing costs of college, high school senior, Nick Jones, 17, had a stroke of genius. In mid-January, Jones launched a website, www.LinkGoggles.com, a new alternative directory that helps business and customers come together like never before. With the launch, Jones’ site features a unique way for webmasters to get the word out for their web page. Instead of pop-up or banner ads, LinkGoggles.com presents a randomized database that is sorted by category. When the viewer selects from the categories, he or she is launched to a page in the site’s database that pertains to that subject, which can be faster, more useful, and more entertaining than traditional surfing. There is good reason many students such as Jones are worried about the cost of college. The average cost for tuition of private colleges for the 2006-07 school year is $22,218. This figure is up 5.9% from last year, and will increase in price each year as reported by CollegeBoard.com. Additionally, on top of tuition students of private 4-year institutions can expect to pay on average $935 and $1,227 for books and personal expenses, respectively. LinkGoggles.com takes an eccentric yet novel approach of bringing websites of all kinds and people together. Designed with everyone in mind, it isn’t just for shopping. From blogs to entertainment, there is a wide array of topics that can be found. LinkGoggles.com is a newly launched directory with a twist. Instead of a normal directory that lists websites based on type, LinkGoggles.com features a randomized database grouped into different categories to choose from, all of which was masterminded by a 17 year old from Windsor, Connecticut. For more information about LinkGoggles.com, please visit on the web at http://LinkGoggles.com or write an email to Nick@LinkGoggles.com.
Unique : Being the only one. Since your directory isn't the first to randomly display results, it's not unique. Use this phrase if you wish, but you'll be discrediting yourself in a jiffy. Of course, if your intent is to just get it posted on sites owned by webmasters, it's probably okay. But, the real media and site owners that actually read press releases for possible stories will shun you most likely. We already know how old you are, because you told us in the first sentence. If you want to reference yourself, use your last name. Also, if you were trying to add this for dramatic affect, it would belong up top.