Theres are actual exchanges between pilots and control towers. Gave me a good laugh! Tower: "Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock , 6 miles!" Delta 351: "Give us another hint! We have digital watches!" ************************************************************************************************** Tower: "TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees." TWA 2341: "Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make uphere?" Tower: "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?" *************************************************************************************************** * From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff queue: "I'm f...ingbored!" Ground Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourselfimmediately!" Unknown aircraft: "I said I was f...ing bored, not f... ing stupid!" ************************************************************************************************* * O'Hare Approach Control to a 747: "United 329 heavy, your traffic is aFokker, one o'clock , three miles, Eastbound." United 329: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this.. I've got the little Fokker in sight." *************************************************************************************************** * A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight. While attemptingto locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked, "What was your last knownposition?" Student: "When I was number one for takeoff." ************************************************************************************************** * A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an exceedingly long rolloutafter touching down. San Jose Tower Noted: "American 751, make a hard right turn at the end ofthe runway, if you are able. If you are not able, take the Guadeloupe exitoff Highway 101, make a right at the lights and return to the airport." **************************************************************************************************** A Pan Am 727 flight, waiting for start clearance in Munich , overheard thefollowing: Lufthansa (in German): " Ground, what is our start clearance time?" Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must speak in English." Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a German airplane, in Germany. Why must I speak English?" Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent): "Becauseyou lost the bloody war!" *************************************************************************************************** * Tower : "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on frequency124.7" Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the way, after welifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway." Tower: " Continental 635, cleared for takeoff behind Eastern 702, contactDeparture on frequency 124.7. Did you copy that report from Eastern 702?" BR Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger; and yes,we copied Eastern... we've already notified our caterers." ***************************************************************************************************** One day the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to hold short ofthe active runway while a DC-8 landed. The DC-8 landed, rolled out, turnedaround, and taxied back past the Cherokee. Some quick-witted comedian in theDC-8 crew got on the radio and said, "What a cute little plane. Did you makeit all by yourself?" The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with a realzinger:"I made it out of DC-8 parts. Another landing like yours and I'll haveenough parts for another one." **************************************************************************************************** The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as ashort-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate parkinglocation, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it waswith some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the followingexchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747, callsign Speedbird 206. Speedbird 206: " Frankfurt , Speedbird 206 clear of active runway." Ground: "Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven." The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop. Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?" Speedbird 206: "Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location now." ! Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, have you not beento Frankfurtbefore?" Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944, but it was dark, -- And I didn't land." ************************************************************************************************ * While taxiing at London 's Gatwick Airport , the crew of a US Air flightdeparting for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with aUnited 727. An irate female ground controller lashed out at the US Air crew,scre aming\: "US Air 2771, where the hell are you going? I told you to turnright onto Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. Iknow it's difficult for you to tell the difference between C and D, but getit right!" Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now shoutinghysterically: "God! Now you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever tosort this out! You stay right there and don't move till I tell you to! Youcan expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour, and I wantyou to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you! Yougot that, US Air 2771?" "Yes, ma'am," the humbled crew responded. Naturally, the ground control communications frequency fell terribly silentafter the verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to chance engagingthe irate ground controller in her current state of mind. Tension in everycockpit out around Gatwick was definitely running high. Just then an unknownpilot broke the silence and keyed his microphone, asking: "Wasn't I marriedto you once?"
Those are brilliant, Just made me laugh alot. I am training to be a pilot and have heard the dash-8 and foker jokes quite a few times