1st Squeeze Page - Help Me Revise It For The 5th Time!

Discussion in 'Copywriting' started by Jellymaster Jack, Mar 23, 2008.

  1. #1
    Hi! I'm kind of new here, in that I have not posted very much, as you probably can see :)

    One week ago today, I made my first squeeze page. Since then, I've redone it three times, and gotten som help on another forum, but now I need some new perspectives. Hopefully from you people!

    To show the progression (or possible regression), I've included links to the previous versions.

    For the last version, I've tried to focus on "YOU" and "Benefits", whereas in the first versions I didn't think so much about this.

    Anyhow, please feel free to leave any comments or remarks you may deem helpful to me and others who may read this thread.

    Regards,
    Bjarne Eldhuset,
    Norway.

    Version 4.0:
    http://www.freebiesfornewbies.com/

    Version 3.0:
    http://www.freebiesfornewbies.com/t...pagetry3.jpg

    Version 2.0:
    http://www.freebiesfornewbies.com/second-try/

    Version 1.0:
    http://www.freebiesfornewbies.com/first-try/
    and
    http://www.freebiesfornewbies.com/f...thankyou.htm

    Let the squashing begin!
     
    Jellymaster Jack, Mar 23, 2008 IP
  2. nethelp

    nethelp Peon

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    #2
    Work more on the header pic also all the pics must be saved in a better quality. PM me and send me your PSD files and I will save them back for you at a better quality and nothing is required in exchange.
     
    nethelp, Mar 23, 2008 IP
  3. donny

    donny Banned

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    #3
    donny, Mar 23, 2008 IP
  4. cashmachine101

    cashmachine101 Peon

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    #4
    Here's what I would do:

    I'd get Digital Designer to make you a nice header. Nothing too flashy.

    Important text near the top should be red on white to stand out.

    Drop the 1990s clipart.

    The flow chart makes me nauseous following it around. Maybe list the info with some web 2.0 style bullet points next to them.

    Drop the unknowns from the author list.
     
    cashmachine101, Mar 23, 2008 IP
  5. Perry Rose

    Perry Rose Peon

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    #5
    Although this is a nice-looking page, not many will give their e-mal address to a squeeze page.

    Try to include a couple of nice pictures, photos, along with a few free tips. Show 'em samples!

    Give a few tips.

    Give a free tips from those authors.

    In other words, it should be like a normal ol' site, and not a squeeze page.

    I'm afraid such pages are overrated, and they dont work.

    I like this one, though. You just need more "why should I give you my e-mail?" info.

    You don't have any prices listed. Now we know that we cannot get that much stuff free. If you advertise it as such, you will lose even more potential customers!
     
    Perry Rose, Mar 23, 2008 IP
  6. amedno1

    amedno1 Active Member

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    #6
    Get a graphics designer to spice up the graphics TBH and sorry to put it this way they look cheap, this is the net people just need that one glance and they'll be put off.
     
    amedno1, Mar 26, 2008 IP
  7. ruffneck119

    ruffneck119 Active Member

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    #7
    Well first things first. Your headline needs work.

    Since you are new to writing copy do a search for "headlines that sell" or something similar and follow some of the advice for the articles that come up.

    Then you need to work on your graphics for the headline.

    Serious, the stuff you are offering for free should have some sufficient content that you can "swipe" for your own site.

    PS: Read my signature, I would love to do a before and after for your page :)
     
    ruffneck119, Mar 30, 2008 IP