Fragmentation vs Wholeness: Why there is no sense of connection in America

A new important essay I wrote. Check it out!

Fragmentation vs Wholeness: Why there is no sense of connection in America

Several times in my childhood, when I was 9, 14 and 17 years old, I remember going to Taiwan and that for some reason, around my relatives, I was able to be myself, speak my heart out and become very talkative. There was this feeling of acceptance that made me feel healthy and whole on the inside. I was able to be who I was without fear, insecurity or inhibition. It brought out a part of me that was normally suppressed and subdued in the US. Each time I went back to the US, I felt depressed and insecure again. I didn't understand why, and it didn't make sense to me.

At that time, I was fully indoctrinated into the idea that America was the greatest country in the world, the leader of the free world, the nation that all other nations looked up to, and I believed it too. So I could not reconcile that with the fact that I felt more happy, healthy and whole overseas. I didn't know how to make sense of it, and I dared not to speak of it to my peers of course, lest they think that there's something wrong with me. As you know, admitting that you feel insecure and depressed in America is seen as a huge sign of weakness, so most will never admit it. Plus I thought I was the only one who felt that way and that no one could relate to it anyway.

Also, when I was a teen, my level of awareness was low and I had no communication skills so I would not have been able to articulate my feelings at the time anyway. So I just tried to slowly forget this experience over time, and returned to my dream that someday I'd be a great person in America with an exciting life, rewarding career, and beautiful woman to love. (but to no avail of course)

It wasn't until I reached 30 when my level of awareness, insight and communication/writing skills had reached new heights and I began traveling overseas long term, that I understood why I felt that way when I went to Taiwan as a teen.

For some reason(s), America has this vibe and environment that makes one feel fragmented, disconnected and insecure inside. Something tries to make you feel unworthy and inadequate, and you are always on the verge of slipping into a state of depression and emptiness. It’s as if some empty void was always behind you and you feared getting lost into it. It probably comes from the cultural environment and collective energy of the population. One can postulate all sorts of reasons for this, from the independent lifestyle and attitude, to a conspiracy by the elite to divide the population to squell any uprising against their power, etc. but the bottom line is that there is an inherent sense of disconnectedness in America. There is no sense of human connection in America at all. People are socially engineered to be segregated and paranoid of one another, which is not conducive to healthy human relationships at all. Americans live in bubbles, do not usually know their neighbors nor invite them over, and do not talk to strangers unless it's business related. They are very non-inclusive and it is difficult to meet people as well as awkward. (In fact, the most inclusive people in the US tend to be cult members and those at Evangelical Revival meetings, which I consider a sad fact) In social situations, people may make small talk and greet one another, but few will ever invite you to their homes or into their lives. Furthermore, breaking into cliques is difficult and does not come naturally at all.

This is not just physical but psychological, as "every man is an island" in mind and attitude, as well as body. That's why one often feels "alone" in America even while amongst friends or in crowded places. Worst of all, people are conditioned to think that this is “normal” and how people naturally are – segregated, selfish and paranoid – but in fact nothing could be further from the truth. That is NOT how humans are by nature. That is how people are socially engineered to be in the US. This black American musician echoed the same sentiments in a letter to me:

Moreover, this inherent disconnectedness and fragmentation in US society makes it awkward and unnatural to socialize and meet other people, or even to make friends. It just doesn’t come naturally, so to speak. And of course, dating between men and women also suffer. Simply put, the whole essence of human relationships is severely eroded by the fundamental fragmentation and disconnectedness in America. This is why many in America often feel very “alone”, even when they are around friends and people, because there is no natural connection with others. In America, one is never truly “accepted” the way they are, instead one has to constantly “prove their worth” under neverending pressure. Unfortunately, without true acceptance, one can never be truly “whole”.

This fragmentation and disconnectedness is not only with others, but within onself as well. People are not whole on the inside, and they do not even know who they are. That's what makes it so hard to deal with problems and struggles in America, when you are fragmented, weak and divided on the inside. And since many have few or no real friends to talk to, they have to go to therapists instead. No doubt this contributes to America having the highest rates of mental illness in the industrialized world (and perhaps the whole world). The unnatural stresses, pressures to be something you're not, coupled with inner fragmentation, naturally will break down a person, causing one to blame oneself for being "weak" and not good enough or tough enough. All of this is insane, dysfunctional, inhuman and unnatural of course, but since people are programmed and conditioned to blame themselves for their dysfunctionality rather than society, they will not draw attention to it out of pride, lest they expose their weakness. They are also programmed to think that this is natural and normal, and that they can’t do anything about it. What most Americans don’t realize is that this inherent disconnectedness and fragmentation gradually erodes oneself, making them weak and insecure, impairing their self-confidence, self-esteem and mental health. Instead, they assume that any “inner breakdown” they suffer must be due to some problem with them that they need to “fix”, never realizing the true source of it.

On the other hand, in most countries beyond America, there is a natural sense of connection and wholeness, both within oneself and with others, which doesn't exist in America. People feel accepted and can easily "be themselves". As a result, one never feels “all alone” (at least not the way one does in America) even when one is physically alone. Everyone has problems and struggles of course, just like they do everywhere, but the key difference is that they are easier to deal with because when one is "whole" on the inside it becomes FAR EASIER to deal with such difficulties. This natural inner wholeness is “true strength”. It is why people in other countries do not suffer mental breakdowns or illnesses when they endure life's many problems like Americans do. And moreover, natural connectedness between people also makes human relationships far more healthy and natural, so that it is much easier to socialize, meet people, make friends or date the opposite sex. This is something you have to experience to truly understand. It is what Americans lack and do not even know that they lack. Only when they meet others with such wholeness or go to countries that allow them to feel that way (as I have) that they realize that they were lacking it all along. Only then do they see how insecure and fragmented they were on the inside, all the while falsely assuming that the rest of the world was the same.

One important point. It’s not that other countries “do” anything in particular to make people feel connected and whole. They don’t have to. People are NATURALLY whole and connected to one another. The difference is that most countries ALLOW the natural wholeness and connectedness of human beings to develop and flourish, whereas somehow the USA doesn’t. Instead, America engineers its people to think that they are selfish individuals in competition with one another who are segregated by their “individual freedom”. And it's beaten into them that “no one cares about you; only you can take care of yourself; it’s every man for himself” under the name of “individualism”. In other words, America divides its people, fragments them, and makes them feel empty on the inside, so they will be weak, controllable and over-consume to fill that emptiness that they don’t even consciously recognize. It’s not a jurisdictional control, more like a psychological form of control, which the public is unaware of.

So, the answer to my teenage mystery is not that Taiwan did anything in particular to make me feel "whole" and accepted. Rather, it was probably the absence of the persecutory environment against my sense of self in America that led to my experiencing inner wholeness and acceptance for the first time in my life (along with the kindness of my relatives there). In other words, I automatically became my natural whole self by simply removing myself geographically from the fragmented cultural environment and energy field of the USA.

As a poster on my forum wisely said:

And best selling author and motivational speaker Wayne Dyer noted:

So, contrary to the teaching of US culture that “freedom is to become a selfish disconnected individual” which turns out to be a prison of the soul, true freedom is being able to connect with others. And that’s why I felt “freer” and able to come out of my shell overseas than I did in America, big time.

This psychological feeling of alienation and emptiness in the US explains why so many immigrants who were happy and whole in their own countries suddenly become stuck up, defensive and cliquish in America. Whereas they were "whole" and normal in their own country and had nothing to prove, suddenly in America they feel insecure as if some black abyss wants to swallow up their sense of self and identity. So they resort to overasserting their ethnic heritage with patriotic fervor, as though it was the last thing preserving their identity. This is why you will notice that those in the immigrant's home country are not as rigid about sticking to their traditional ways as the US immigrants are. The "traditional ways" are the last thing that gives the US immigrant a sense of who they are, lest they be sucked into the giant "void" in the USA. On the other hand, the person in the immigrant's home country can be more open minded and tolerant about not sticking to their "traditional ways" because his/her identity is not dependent on them nor threatened by some host country that wants to assimilate them into a "fake unnatural culture".

Now let me clarify some things. I am NOT advocating collectivism here, or conformity without independent thought. Far from it. Neither extremes, selfish disconnected individualism where no one cares about anyone else or conformity to the collective without free thought, are ideal. Instead, why not have a healthy balance? In Europe for example, people believe in connectedness and seek having interdependent relationships with others, yet at the same time they pride themselves in their free thinking intellect and knowledge/understanding of other cultures. They’ve achieved a healthy balance between the two, and that’s what I advocate. Jeremy Rifkin, in his book, The European Dream elaborates on this in a scholarly manner:

Also, when I speak of “disconnectedness” I am not referring to geographic spacing between people or isolation in remote areas. No, I am speaking of something far deeper that has to do with a psychological attitude. If merely crowding people together created connectedness, then New York and Los Angeles would be the most wholesome and connected cities in America. Are they? I don’t think so. Or take a remote Russian village in Siberia. Though geographically isolated, one does not feel insecure, lonely and disconnected from others there. Life may be boring as hell, yeah, but people do not suffer from loneliness or sink into depression and insanity when confronted by problems. And every man is not a “psychological island” there. In fact, I challenge anyone to find a sincere travelogue of someone who went to a remote foreign village and felt lonely, disconnected and found the villagers to be anti-social and segregated. Furthermore, as mentioned before, you can feel all alone in America even around your friends or in crowded places, but in other countries with connectedness, you can be physically alone yet not really feel alone. Why do you think that is? Ponder it and you’ll see the real nature of what I’m talking about here, and that it’s not about geographic isolation.

In America, you are NOT taught to FEEL GOOD about yourself at all! You are NOT taught how to cultivate good mental health, self-acceptance, inner wholeness and well-being, or healthy social relationships and friendships. No way. Instead, you are conditioned and engineered by your schools, media, culture and peers to feel UNWORTHY, INSECURE and INADEQUATE deep down, and to fill that emptiness within by 1) becoming a workaholic slave to a corporate dictatorship (aka "getting a career") so you can make money and 2) become a mass consumer junkie who tries to buy everything he/she can that's on the market out there. In other words, you are programmed to try to fill your emptiness and insecurity by over-working and over-consuming (buying too much useless junk) perpetually without end, all under the doctrine that "material goods lead to happiness and well-being" and that "the more the better". In short, your self-esteem is artificially based on your status in a corporate dictatorship and what you can BUY to enhance your "image".

(continued in part 2)

 

Part 2:

Think on this a moment. Do you think it's a “natural” occurrence that almost everyone in America suffers from deep insecurities to the point of having "issues" or "baggage", and is paranoid of others, preferring to isolate and segregate themselves? All you have to do is spend time connecting with people in other countries and you will see how unnatural and artificial this characteristic of American society really is.

The truths and comparisons above are usually only discussed privately, never publicly, not even on the web. And that's because it is very politically incorrect to compare cultures and say that one is better than the other in some way. Such talk is potentially offensive, no matter how true, and we are taught never to say such things publicly. In addition, most common people are engineered to be blind to the faults and dysfunction in society and instead blame themselves if anything goes wrong. Unfortunately, most people follow what they’ve been “programmed” and cannot see outside of it. They do not possess the "consciousness level" or insight to rise above it and see the truth.

This poster on my forum also recognized this “hidden emptiness” in America that people are not supposed to see:

However, I can testify firsthand that in many private expat/traveler conversations, such comparisons are discussed. But no one dared reveal such truths and comparisons publicly, not even on the web... until now. My website HappierAbroad.com is the first and only website that draws out such "taboo" comparisons in detail point by point. With HappierAbroad.com, no longer do you have to know or be connected to certain individuals with special knowledge who are honest enough to share such forbidden truths and comparisons with you. Now, anyone can just log onto HappierAbroad.com and read all about these valuable life-changing secrets and comparisons freely, as well as discuss them openly with others in the Happier Abroad Discussion Forum.

And that's the beauty and significance of HappierAbroad.com - to share such important and life-changing truths, secrets and comparisons that are too taboo and politically incorrect to be discussed openly, but which are valuable nevertheless.

Now, what was formerly confined to private discussions only is now made public and disclosed out in the open. I've always believed that telling the truth was more important than being politically correct, and so my philosophy has been to do just that, "letting the chips fall where they may".

With HappierAbroad.com, you will see that you and I are not alone in thinking and feeling this way, and therefore you will be validated in your feelings. Since the site began, many have come forward with the same confessions and observations.

Here are some examples from letters I've received, reader responses, site feedback, and posts in my forum.

This Russian immigrant who initially blamed himself, for instance, found validation in the articles of HappierAbroad when he realized that he wasn’t the problem:

And this East Indian observed:

My cultural consultant described how he feels when he goes to the Philippines like this:

He also observed:

A professor observed and concluded:

More comments:

In closing, I'd like to share some quotes from revolutionary leaders and intellectuals that are relevant here.

Peter Joseph, founder of the revolutionary Zeitgeist Movement, in his transformative film Zeitgeist Addendum, summed up the interconnectedness concept very well:

And in the same film, John Perkins, a former “Economic Hit Man” described the joy of connection:

The Expatriate Revolution is Now!​

 

The essay is selective and it's past midnight here, so I'll keep my comments to myself.

But given the things I've been noticing around here lately, be prepared to receive not more than 5 replies on your essay. Post a really funny pic and get more replies, lol.