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Sales Page Revision

Discussion in 'Copywriting' started by Ripped, Oct 10, 2008.

  1. #1
    I have just finished my first sales page, I'm not a copywriter, so I don't know how good my sales letter is. I don't think I did the best job with the sales text. Can anyone take a look and tell me if my sales text is okay?

    The page is
    http://www.royaldrawing.com
     
    Ripped, Oct 10, 2008 IP
  2. cd928

    cd928 Peon

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    #2
    I personally like the product because I'm into drawing and visual arts in general. Anyhoo, my thoughts on the copy. The idea is already there. It's just that the language is quite iffy. Take for example the following:

    a. "It's never too late to learn to draw, and the best thing is, it doesn't have to be expensive to learn to draw!" - it's redundant
    b. "This offer is going to be over in several days, and the price is going to get back up to 69.99$, thus you better get it sooner then later." - I understand what you're trying to say here, but it isn't urgent enough to convince me to buy your product.

    I hope that helps. :)

    - Ced
     
    cd928, Oct 10, 2008 IP
    Ripped likes this.
  3. Ripped

    Ripped Well-Known Member

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    #3
    Thank you very much for help, repped, I will make changes according to your tips.

    I was thinking about the sales letter as a whole, is it too short? Do I need maybe to add another paragraph or two and try to convince the visitor even mroe about the benefits.
     
    Ripped, Oct 10, 2008 IP
  4. pinch-penny

    pinch-penny Active Member

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    #4
    I'm no expert at sales copy, so I'm not going to offer any advice about that. I just wanted to mention that I found some of the text hard to read. I would consider rethinking some of the font choices on the page.

    I'm viewing the page in IE6, and the text that begins "In a Few Minutes.." seems kind of pixelated. The text starting with "Step-by-Step..." next to the book image is very thin, small, and again I would describe it as pixelated. The text after "Dear Friend" is also hard to read.

    Best of luck!
     
    pinch-penny, Oct 10, 2008 IP
  5. lightless

    lightless Notable Member

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    #5
    It is just the right length. Don't make it any longer.
    You may want to put the "Approved by the royal society of painters" graphic at the bottom nearer to the top if possible.

    Make the headline better. Maybe have it focus on a strong need of the potential customer and how you can satisfy it instead of yourself and your quality.

    Maybe something else like "Royal drawing draws upon the knowledge and experience of my lifetime as an artist" or "Royal drawing is something that i have put my heart and soul into" instead of this ..... which doesn't sound right.
     
    lightless, Oct 10, 2008 IP
  6. Ripped

    Ripped Well-Known Member

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    #6
    Thanks a lot again, I have already fixed some grammar and spelling mistakes, I'm going to make some more changes according to the tips given
     
    Ripped, Oct 10, 2008 IP
  7. EspressoChick

    EspressoChick Well-Known Member

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    #7
    I think it is a great length. The headline is catchy. :) I'm not an expert in sales letters -- just from what has made me buy and what doesn't make me think of buying. This is a very appealing sales letter.

    I think you could get rid of the email addresses that are "x"ed out in the testimonials and just have the city, state, country people are from. I think it would look more attractive.

    Also the text around the picture of the artist is a little close to him, is there a way to move it just a bit?

    Otherwise excellent!

    :) Abby
     
    EspressoChick, Oct 10, 2008 IP
  8. webgal

    webgal Peon

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    #8
    I'm confused regarding what it is. It's a nice looking page but I think I need more on what the heck it is.
     
    webgal, Oct 10, 2008 IP
  9. Ripped

    Ripped Well-Known Member

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    #9
    I was afraid about that myself, I though I wasn't clear enough, I have how edited the sales page, put some extra text, and bulletins in order to clarify what exactly you're getting.

    A Picture has been added to each testimonial, and I think the new improvements make the sales page look more convincing
     
    Ripped, Oct 11, 2008 IP