I've seen it happen even in older people. I used to work with a guy in his 60's and his wife thought she wanted a change and left, she was back 3 months later. Give it some time but don't try too hard to stop her as it will only make her more determined. Let her find out the grass isn't as green on the other side as she thinks it is. You know that old saying from back in the 70's..."If you love something set it free, if it returns to you, its yours, if not it never was".
Ok, here is my Psychology degree side coming out in me. Well, my serious, logical side. Your situation is nothing new, I mean, the problem is when you seem to "think" everything is perfect. I mean, did you both ever communicate? Because what your telling me would suggest yu never. Why? well quite simple really. Because men are hardwired differently we automatically assume everything is going ok. Women on the other hand need not just psyical stimulation but mental also. Sure, us fella's need new things to keep out brain occupied but once a women starts to feel neglected, bored, being took advantage of there brain pattens change. This is why communication in a relationship, any relationship be it work, personal or friendship is key to being successful. To be quite honest it just sound like she got pissed off with the same old thing and I would too. KP
Thank you all. Some of these replies have helped me more than I could have imagined. I did question posting to this forum. I have done all that I can do to keep her - in May of 2007 I regretfully sold the business that I loved that my grandfather started in 1925 and moved to Florida so she could be closer to her family(and be happy). After four months she said she hated it so we moved back to NY. In the last year I finished my BS degree and got my teaching certificate because that is what she wanted. I really wish I still had the business - and I signed a non compete clause because I never planned on coming back. Now I'm still unemployed because I still have to get a NY certification. I have my Florida certification and would have a contract in Florida because of the contacts I made student teaching. Now I'm screwed - for awhile. I paid for her to get her RN years ago and even helped her with her classwork. So now I have no business, no job, spent all the cash from the business moving(lost my ass on the house) and she is making $34.00/hr - she never worked full-time while we were married. I'm working tons trying to market online, but spend much quality time with my kids. I'm just exhausted! She is going to hate working full-time and I will eventually find something I like. I just hate the thought of being alone. I live and breath for my family and love my kids more than I can put into words. I just hope I make it, it's like my soul is draining from my body. Again - thank you for your kind words. Doug I'm going to try to pull the knife out of my back.
Im so sorry to hear about all this. Try not to focus on the situation even though its so hard. I hope everything works out in the end.
Not much to do is there? I'm not sure, I'v never been in your shoes, that is, so far. Maybe you should fight for? Or maybe she simply ain't worth the fight, sometimes you have to move on regardless of what your heart says. I know for one thing, I struggle myself with alot of 'problems' in my life, hope is what I live on, false or not, hope it is. Best luck, and have a nice day. - Berntsen
If she is suffering from depression then she is not happy with herself. If that is the case, nothing you do will ever make her happy. You might be able to give her some temporary happiness, but soon the depression will take over and she will be unhappy again. She needs to see a doctor and get some professional therapy. And it wouldn't hurt if you did the therapy with her. Living with someone that is clinically depressed is not easy and you need to know how to handle your unique situation. Best of luck to you both.
You can't change what happened with 'Florida' not working. Things happen. Don't let the situation get worse financially. Get a day job asap or some revenue source. The affliate marketing is burning up time that you don't have.
This is so true. You can't convince a woman. I know, I've tried. It is very unfortunate, though A long, stable relationship would break. Its a family thats breaking up. Its betrayal... I believe the woman will come back after a while. Just hold on thigh. Bad things happen sometimes. The good thing about all this is that you still have your children, who love you and care for you.
I would at least ask her to hold out on any decisions until both children have turned 18 and become adults. The children's lives, security, and well-being are more important than any need to be "living free" or having some kind of "new lifestyle". To break the family up now when there is only 4 or 5 years left of parenting is pretty selfish and immature. That's my opinion.
Well that is messed up, maybe she just needs some time alone for a bit but from what you have said that she has not been able to get real close to anyone and that she has been known to become depressed, that is something that should have been looked into medically. I am not sure if she has ever seeked any medical help or a psychiatrist before but that si something that she should look into. As for you i wouldn't try to push her too hard cause you don't want her to get any further away then she is now, but just try and talk to her and see if there is anything you 2 can do to get her some help. People do and can change, if you or her is not willing to do something to try and resolve this then there is not much you can do. best of luck and hope she will clear her senses and realize that she has a husband and a family that she can't just abandon.
maybe she just wants your attention,maybe she wants you to go out with her, or maybe she is curious if there is someone else out there better for her.thats not to say she'll go out and realize she has more fun without you,thats just a natural question of human nature. hmmm,first,ask yourself,why is she looking for amusement elsewhere?have you been neglecting her?meaning,maybe you weren't taking her out to have fun and you just wanted to stay home all day.
Ugh, I need to take my depression pills after reading more of this thread. Ok, you know what? don't waste your time posting on a forum. I mean, half of the people that will reply are either.... A) Kids that are still virgins and growing pubes still. B) Total idiots (yes like me before anyone says) that will just mock you. C) People that have never been in your situation. The worse thing in the world is getting wrong advice when it comes to something like this. Being pushed and pulled from pillar to post does not do you mental state anygood. You need to go and seek mental help, probably both of you do and seek marriage guidence (thats if she still wants to be with you). But if she has made her mind up, fuck her, move on, enjoy life. You only get one shot. Enjoy and live to the full. KP
So sorry to hear that. Give her some space,maybe when she realizes how lonely she'll be she'll change her mind
My wife sent an email to her best friend and I read it (couldn't help myself). It was a fairly long email and I thought oh no - now I'm going to find out what is going on - well there was nothing bad said about me. She talked about what an ass my father is (he is not very nice, my only family - mother, brother and sister all died within a year of each other), she said she cared for me, she talked about what is going on with her home purchase and her family and she finished by saying to pray for her and that she was almost free. I really just don't get what is going on with her, it would almost be easier if there was a reason. By the way she is a psych nurse and is on anti-depressants. I have been telling her how much I love her. I do try to lay a guilt trip on her at times (that is about the worst thing I do - but damn she is being selfish, she always says the kids deserve to have a happy mother and I really don't think the poor woman will ever be happy). I really am usually very happy and love life. My brother committed suicide in May of 2002. My mother was diagnosed with cancer two weeks later and died in Feb of 2003. I had back surgery in Sept of 2002 and another in Jan of 2003. My sister died of an overdose in May of 2003. And silly me - I thought that was as bad as it could get - until this!! Now this! I have been through so much and I really am trying to be strong. I have been looking for a 'day' job to keep the wolves away from the door. I am either overqualified or don't have enough experience. I had an interview at Walmart last Thursday and they loved me, the manager was going to offer me a job right there as a customer service manager(managing cashiers) and said to bring in my resume and that she could help me move into a salaried management position. Her computer froze so she couldn't get to the job offer page and they said they would call back. No call so I called yesterday and the girl said the front end manager twisted her ankle and was out until Friday and that they had to interview two other people. I said she was going to give me the job and I thought I was in - she said that I was and that they 'had' to do the other two interviews. Anyway, I'm just so distraught that I can barely move. Thanks again for everyones encouragement. I've been spending alot of time with my son and have cried in front of him. I told him that I never saw my father cry and I was sorry - he said that my father is insensitive. I just love my kids. Doug
Thanks, I agree this is probably not the best place for this, but I have no one except my kids and I can't talk to them like this. Most of the replies have been decent, I appreciate them and can discern the good from the bad.
Sorry mate but that is incredibly unfair to be putting all of this on your son. Do you realise what impact you are having on him and his mental state? maybe not right now but in the future when he gets married (if he is not alread) this will have a direct impact on his life. No matter what is going on between you and your wife your kids should never be involved and only need to the basics. Your wife is not being selfish and of course she cares for you, after all said and done you are the farther to her children but women have this ability to be able to switch of. You laying on the guilt trip is not doing anything but driving her away more because from what I am reading it's obvious she has made her mind up or she wouldn't be talking about her own place. You say about she will never be a happy women. Are you 110% about that? I don't think you know how a women works. Saying that just proves one thing. No communication in this relationship because if there was, you wouldn't be in this situation right now. You need mental help. KP
KP, I'm trying my best NOT to put any of this on my son. My distress kind of 'slips' out at times no matter how I try to hide it, he is also a very insightful child.