Timing Is Everything A guy shows up late for work. The boss yells, "You should've been here at 8:30!" The guy replies, "Why? What happened at 8:30?" What's in a Name? A young man called directory assistance. "Hello, operator, I would like the telephone number for Mary Jones in Phoenix, Arizona." "There are multiple listings for Mary Jones in Phoenix," the operator replied. "Do you have a street name?" The young man hesitated, and then said, "Well, most people call me Ice Man." Puppy Love Girl: Do you believe in puppy love? Boy: I tried it once, but their assholes are too small. Matching Colors A woman walks up to a guy in a blue bathing suit and says, "Did you know your eyes match your swim trunks?" He says, "Why? Are my eyes bulging?" Mis-Interpretation Innkeeper: The room is $15. a night. It's $5. if you make your own bed. Guest: I'll make my own bed. Innkeeper: Good. I'll get you some nails and wood. Muffins Two Muffins were baking in an oven. One muffin turns to the other and says, "Holy shit it's hot in here!" The other muffin says, "Holy shit... A talking muffin!" One Armed Man How do you get a one-armed man out a tree? Wave to him Virgin and Washing Machine Q: What is the difference between a Virgin and a washing machine? A: The washing machine doesn't follow you around for two weeks after you dump a load in it! Sheep Johnny, George, and Bert were driving along in their pickup when they saw a sheep caught in the fence with its hind end up in the air. Bert said, "I wish that was Sharon Stone." George echoed, "I wish it was Demi Moore." Little Johnny sighed, "I wish it was dark . . . " The Drunk One night a policewoman pulls over a drunk driver. She politely asks him to step out of his car. He willingly does so. She says, "Anything you say can and will be Held against you." He replies "BREASTS."
Virgin and Washing Machine Q: What is the difference between a Virgin and a washing machine? A: The washing machine doesn't follow you around for two weeks after you dump a load in it! This one really cool