My new sells page - Any tips?

Hey guys - took me couple of hours to finish this page.
there are still a lot of adjustments nessacery - but what do you think?
Will it sell?
This is not a joke: i really have no clue if this is any good! someone?!
tips? suggestions? comments? anything please!

The URL is: http://www.m-topic.com/Forexenterprise.html

Thanks a lot for the help!

 

Hmmm.

There is a lot wrong with it.

Use a site like this one below as a template.

www. magictrafficbot .com


.

 

thank you for your comment!
But if i can ask: what specifically is wrong with it? examples?

 

it seems you are trying to SELL the product.

a landing page should not try to sell a product, you should give a review of the product. reccomened the product. explain how it heled you and then provide a link...

 

Those are both horrilbe pages! Does anyone do anything other then white wiht red text and dont forget the lame ass highlighted with yellow text give me a friggin break this is the new internet that shit doesnt fly any more. lame, lame, lame

those books look fake I know everybody uses them but please, why not print out the picture on your printer wrap it around a hard cover and take a picture of it make it look real
the layout makes me want to just move on if I wanted to read a black and white printout i wouldn't be on the internet.

 

at the bottom, modify the 'click here to buy' link.
Better to make it something like 'Click here for more information' etc..

I agree with Swerd.

 

Make the Title bigger and change the "Click here to buy" to something that sounds better eg Get it Now !

 

Uggh, you are not Jordan, a 48 year old manager, but a school kid who might not even have English as a first language, based on the quality of that copy.

"...but forex enterprise, unlike all the other scams..."

You're telling me forex enterprise is a scam.

 

If you're going to be promoting this type of "make money" e-book a large portion of your visitors will already be somewhat familiar with the concept of affiliate marketing and they will see right through your site as you trying to sell them this product, so your chances of making a sale are slim to none.

You throw around the term "buy" too often throughout your landing page, you need to give the visitor the impression that you're providing them a service by letting them know about this product not that you're trying to make money off their backs.

I would suggest you set up an auto-responder to build an e-mail list, and offer your e-books as a sign up bonus. From there send regular interval e-mails reminding them of the benefits of Forex Enterprise along with some general tips and tricks about making money online. It might seem like a lot of work, but once you've got this set up everything is automated and you just let it run. You'll find that you'll make a lot more sales this way.

 

Also, cloak your hoplink

 

This is a full on "sales" page more than a landing page isn't it??

 

The copyrighting is a little weak.

I read it through, and felt no urge to buy. It didn't motivate me, and I felt no need to do further research on the topic after reading.

It basically says all others are scams, but this product is good.

Your screen shots are the most convincing selling point on the page

I would focus in on the product a little more, give more details what the product will do, how it will make their life better, and why the product is so great. Go in deep, and stay away from vague.

Hope this helps

 

thanks for all the comments. I am a newby and i dont know what I'm doing, which is why i asked for your help.
Thanks for all the comments! keep them coming!!!!
KenYN - i am still laughing, because what you wrote is SO true!
i read the book 'project x' which told me to show authority to page visitors, so what i 'feed' them will be of more importance. i have a lot to learn!
what should i do with the yellow highlights? just take them out? why are they "lame lame lame" (jefersonalan)

 

"Make A LOT of money with with different sources of income! "
to be honest i think your signature is quite unpro as well...

 

I made A TON of changes - I think it now looks a little more professional (?).
Any suggestions on the updated page? Thanks for the help!

 

"Let me give you an honest review of the product, and how it game me, and will give you the financial freedom you were seeking for so long."

also,
you shoudl break up the writing up the top a bit. you will lose reader interest.. Maybe use some bullet points in there.. bold a few sentences etc.

Also, you should take a picture of any clickbank cheques you have.. if you have a cb cheque for $713.81 put it on your page, this will give you page a big trustworthy boost.

I would remove this pic:

and your aff link should be something like, "take a look at forex enterprise, this is the program that helped me make money online"

this is my personal view, others may not agree

 

Thanks for the comment Swerd!
I did what you had suggested..
What do you think?