Advice Sought on Text Ad

I'm buying an ad in a plain text newletter for www.coolest-gadgets.com with the sole purpose of generating traffic. I'm not experienced at all in writing ads and so far I have the following

The ad can be up to seven lines of 70 characters each. As I mentioned before the aim of this is to get as many qualified visitors as possible (the newsletter has a targeted 120,000 subscribers) so any suggestions are more than welcome.

Thanks

 

I read somewhere that a triangular shape attracts the eye most. So maybe start with the longest sentence at the top and shrink sentence size down every line.

You forgot punctuation on line 2 and 3.

I'd skip the http:// part.

 

I would spend some time figuring out just who your target audience is and what their characteristics are then write a better headline.

Remember to focus your ad on your intended reader and not yourself. Don't start talking about you and your company because the reader won't care, especially when you have not given them a reason to do so.

Good Luck!

 

Build some quriosity on the ads. it will help also.

 

Second draft:

Any other suggestions or improvements?

 

marketjunction's advice on swapping the 'we' for 'you' is a good one. So try talking about the punter who reads it instead of your site.

Instead of "We take a comprehensive look at the world of gadgets and technology;"

"You get to see the latest in gadgets and technology from around the world!"

That was written without much more than 10 seconds thought but it should show the gist of swapping the focus.