My first big press release...comments?

Hey guys/gals, I've attached my first real go at a press release for a site that I just launched last week. I'll probably be officially releasing to the press in a few weeks, after I build up a bit of momentum and iron out a couple wrinkles.

Just thought I'd throw my draft out there to get a comment or two before I feed myself to the wolves

----------------------------------------------------

New Job Site Provides Fresh Solution to the Aging Online Job Interface

New online job site offers a simple, visual alternative to the industry standard. By adding a little color and a few visual cues, the online job search becomes a lot easier.

Los Angeles, CA (PRWEB) Apr 15, 2007 – Disenchanted with a seemingly endless supply of job-related websites that focus on fitting the most information and entries onto a single, monotonous page, Free Agents™ Jobs set out to develop a powerful alternative for the visual user.

The Free Agents Jobs web site, www.theFreeJobs.com, is a simple job search solution that separates and categorizes job postings by way of a colored tab system, together with icons that quickly transmit essential job information. With a single glance, a viewer can see what kind of employer posted a job (company, individual or recruiter), type of job (part-time, full-time, etc.), compensation, and proximity. Each job listing is also 'tagged' with its respective industry and date listed. Proprietor William Belk hopes his new online service will "save people a lot of wasted time."

"I wanted to create the new visual standard," he affirms. "As someone who has invested a great deal of time on the internet looking for jobs, I basically designed and created what I want to see, the things that would make my life easier. Hopefully there are a lot of people out there who have experienced similar frustrations with the current industry standard."

In addition to their main site, Free Agents Jobs offers a special service for schools and organizations, allowing them to reserve their own, private database at a URL of their choosing (xyz.theFreeJobs.com). This allows smaller organizations to benefit from a proven job platform without the cost of developing a custom solution.

About Free Agents Jobs:
Free Agents Jobs is a division of the California company, Free Agents, LLC. Their job site is the newest entry into the online job-search market. As a promotion, job posting at www.theFreeJobs.com is free until May 2007.

Contact:

William Belk
Free Agentsâ„¢ Jobs
310-844-7779
www.theFreeJobs.com/

###

 

Congrats!

 

thanks! greatly appreciated!

 

Might I suggest...

"I wanted to create the new visual standard," William explains. "As someone who has invested a great deal of time on the internet looking for jobs, I basically designed and created what I want to see, the things that would make my life easier. I know there are a lot of people out there who have experienced similar frustrations with the current industry standard."

1. You're not actually affirming anything there...
2. "I know" or even "I think" is much stronger and convincing than 'Hopefully'.

Hey, I'm kinda picky and I think this is a GREAT press release. And it's a great idea too, good luck!

 

awesome, great suggestion! i agree...

 

"Adding a little color and a few visual cues" is not anywhere close to being newsworthy. Basically you're saying, "Hey... I launched yet another online job site, but mine's cool, b/c it has a different design." So what? They all do. You need something actually unique if you plan to have the media care about the release.

Your first body paragraph needs a bit of work. You spend so much time on the "why" (and that sentence is pretty dragged out), that the who (the site or company name), what (launched the new site), when (what was the launch date), and where (the url) really aren't dealt with, or are dealt with a bit late. Get rid of the trademark symbol as well. Journalists can take offense to things like that and copyright symbols, b/c it's like you're implying they're going to try to steal something. It's also unnecessary, and won't always transfer correctly when pasting into a distribution site's form.

"Proprietor William Belk hopes his new online service will "save people a lot of wasted time."" - lose this line completely. Don't ever include a quote in a press release unless it's worthwhile. If it doesn't have to be in a quote (like this), it should be in the third person. Honestly, journalists don't care about what you "hope" the site will become. They care about what it is, and that's about it.

There's nothing authoritative about your larger quote. Lose it, and give the journalists something worthwhile. There's rarely a good reason to use "I" in a press release. Instead, you should be quoting something more general, but newsworthy, about the industry as a whole, and then including your name in the citation. Quotes are about A) Providing information that must be backed up with a reputable source, and B) Branding yourself as an expert in the industry related to the release.

Lose "in addition to their main site..." It also drags things out, and can be replaced with a simple "also" in the sentence.

Your boilerplate isn't a boilerplate at all. They should very rarely have to change. By claiming to be the "newest" entry into the niche, it could be outdated tomorrow. The promotion also shouldn't be there. It should be a sidenote or something in the actual release. The boilerplate should include things like a general "about" paragraph with info like the owner, launch date, any statistics that show the site is large, reputable, or whatever else you're trying to convey, etc.

 

thanks for getting into the guts of it, i need to hear from a perspective that thinks i might be heading the wrong direction also, rep added

 

Where will you submit the PR to ?

I booked-marked your site Jennifer Mattern

 

Thanks for the rep, and thanks for the bookmark. And just for the record, I definitely wasn't picking it apart just to be mean or anything. PR is my business, so I try to give full critiques here whenever anyone posts one just to teach them something from the process. Should have mentioned that before.

 

oh no, i didn't take any offense at all, i thought it was great. i'd much rather have that than all 'fluff'. that's the only way to get better...

 

vibrators:
i'll probably go with a PR Web release, although i have yet to decide how much to spend with them. it will probably be one of the higher priced packages.

then i have a list of researched press emails/addresses that i will release to at the same time. probably step up my google ads at the same time.

 

It is always a good idea to refer with some sample press release before you write a PR. See here: http://www.samplepressrelease.info

In the boiler plate, it would be a good idea not to write "their, he, they" as second person and you can change "The Company aims..".

 

ROUND 2
So this is my latest draft. I tried to write a story and go after an angle, as opposed to having just a generic, 'we just launched' announcement. What do you guys think??

---------------------------------

Can Not Riding the Blog Wave Lead to Success? For New Job Site, Success Only 2(00,000) Clicks Away

New online job site offers a simple, visual alternative to the industry standard. By adding a little color and a few visual cues, the online job search becomes a lot easier.

Los Angeles, CA (PRWEB) Apr 30, 2007 – As with many new web applications, the Free Agents Jobs website, www.theFreeJobs.com, follows a populated recent-history of entrepreneurial bootstrappers taking a chance on the web. The internet has brought about many new ways of getting one's feet wet in the business world. Gone are storefronts, secured loans and material overhead. New web businesses are scraping by with saved money and limited resources.

Many measure online businesses through the media fog of the newest web fads sold for millions of dollars. However, there exists a strong undercurrent of the 'little guy' changing the face of internet business. Ebay storefronts almost seem archaic when mentioned alongside current mega-trends. One need only look at the staggering popularity of blogging engines and the syndicated monetization of blogs and content-rich sites via services like Google AdSense. It seems as if everyone knows someone who is entertaining the idea of a blogging day job.

With so many web users and entrepreneurs surfing the tsunami of weblogs, it begs a question. Who isn't riding the blog wave, what are they doing, and can they be successful bootstrappers (risk taking entrepreneurs with limited funds)?

One such individual who doesn't have a blog but looks to the web for self-employed freedom is William Belk, proprietor of Free Agents LLC, a California company. Free Agents invests in a formula that has worked for web companies like 37 Signals, Craigslist and Bloglines; Free Agents created a simple, intuitive web application that focuses on a single task and does it well.

Disenchanted with a seemingly endless supply of job-related web sites that focus on fitting the most information and entries onto a single, monotonous page, Free Agents Jobs set out to develop a powerful visual alternative. The Free Agents Jobs web site, www.theFreeJobs.com, is a simple job search solution that separates and categorizes job postings by way of a colored tab system, together with icons that quickly transmit essential job information. With a single glance, a viewer can see what kind of employer posted a job (company, individual or recruiter), type of job (part-time, full-time, etc.), compensation, and proximity. Each job listing is also 'tagged' with its respective industry and date listed.

While others live the blogging life, companies like Free Agents are changing the way we experience web service applications. By drawing inspiration from the aforementioned companies and building a simple web application, Free Agents Jobs hopes to stand out from the crowd. However, standing out from the crowd is rarely enough. After all, what good is a great web application if no one knows about it?

Enter the major hurdle of a bootstrapper's success, marketing. Marketing is undoubtedly as important as any other step on the road to success. For the bootstrapper, limited funds inevitably mean limited resources. However, all hope is not lost. The bootstrapper's best friends are invested time and great web resources like discussion forums, e-books and articles. While the big online properties spend enormous sums on high-profile banner ads and print advertising, bootstrappers are mastering pay-per-click advertising, link sharing, directory submission and email marketing.

As with all online business, success is only 2, rather 200,000 clicks away. Just launching a new online project is a success in itself. The rest, however, will require a lot of ground work, intuition and humility. Not every online property launches with $2 million in reserve. The little guys are here too, and one of those little guys looks to be off to a nice start.

About Free Agents Jobs:
Free Agents Jobs is a division of the California company, Free Agents, LLC. Free Agents builds simple, intuitive web applications with custom web programming by Volta Media.

Contact:

Free Agents Jobs
310-844-7779
mk1@thefreejobs.com
http://theFreeJobs.com/

###

 

Looks great to me!

Can I ask how you go about submitting a press release??

I'd like to do that for one of my sites.

Well done!

 

hey man ... congrats for your press release

keep up the good work

 

Sorry, rip that one up too.

You will need a good angle if you want it picked up as most newspapers are in competition with your site, as they are the largest providers of job advertising.

See what you can come up with in terms of who the site solves a problem for. For example you could focus on teaching jobs and how the site lowers recruitment expenses for schools.

Got kids in school or relatives in schools or live near a school? Phone the office and ask them how and where they advertise vacancies and you could probably get a quote from them to include in the release. "Free Agents could save our school $2000 a year which would allow us to buy 'x' for the students." Said Principal Skinnner. Something like that could go in the education section of a newspaper.

That demonstrates the consequence this news has.

The education department could also give you some good stats like how many teachers are employed in the region or country to highlight the impact your service could have.

I think the rate of pay feature is a real drawback, no figure given, I moused over one and it pays $15,000 to $30,000 that is way to wide a range. Why not just state the amount?

 

Are you looking for the release to get you some link love, into newsrpapares & magazones or both?

 

thanks everyone for your feedback!!

Dominic: you bring up some good points. to answer your question about the pay scale for each job, many employers are reluctant to give exact salary figures when they put their jobs online. i try to meet them halfway and at the same time provide some quick visual information for users. for example, if someone has narrowed down their results to five jobs, they can visually prioritize a little easier.

paladin1: i'll take anything i can get. i figure some measure of 'link love' to be a sure bet, everything else will be icing on the cake

 

I don't have enough time to read through it all tonight and give another full critique, but just looking at the headline, I'd say change it. The "Can not" part just isn't a good way to start it. The first thing I thought was that it was a typo until reading it twice to get what you were trying to say. For people just casually glancing at titles to determine their interest, you don't want to make them look twice.

 

So I did it...

http://www.prweb.com/releases/Free_Agents_Jobs/job_search/prweb526836.htm

It was a lot harder than I expected. Seems to be going pretty well so far today. I'm still not convinced that my $475 couldn't have been better spend on AdWords. But, it's hard to know for sure until you try everything.

I'll post up in a couple weeks how the filter-down from this goes. Until then, I'll just keep chipping away

Marketing sucks, I'd rather be fishing (and I hate fishing)