I have 3 friends that joined up here yesterday. They are trying to become established so that they can post in the Politics section and elsewhere. One has 2 likes the others only have 1. So I'm hoping that they can post a joke or two and thereby get the likes they need. I'll start off the joke thread. *Last night I dreamt that I ate a giant marshmellow. When I woke up my pillow was gone and I had pieces of sponge in my mouth.* @Lynx-007 @Crazy Animal Lady @justpeachy
A man goes for a walk and comes across a house with a sign on the front yard that says, "Free talking dog." Curious, he rings the doorbell to inquire about the dog. "Does the dog really talk?" "Yes" the owner says. The man asks to see the dog. "He's in the backyard...take a look for yourself." The man goes in the backyard and sees a German Shepherd. He says to the dog, "Do you speak?" the dogs says, "Yes." The man is shocked. The dog proceeds to tell the man about his life. How we was sold to a circus and traveled the world. Then did a stint in the military passing messages to soldiers. The dog continued to tell the man about all his exciting adventures. So the man goes back inside and tells the owner, "The dog really talks. Why are you giving him away?" The man says, "Because he lies his ass off. He's never been out of that yard."
I gave you a like for that but it doesn't really count as you need 3 likes from 3 DIFFERENT users, but that was a good joke.
A man notices that his neighbor has put up a sign on his gate, it read."BEWARE OF CAT!". So he walks over to the neighbor and says, "Shouldn't that read "BEWARE OF DOG?" The neighbor replies, "Well, I had a dog but the cat ate him".
Copy/pasted this from Quora.com: Coleen goes back to the south of Ireland to see her old Nana after fifteen years in London. “Well, what were you doing with yourself in London all this time?”, asks Nana. Coleen hangs her head and says “ I'm really sorry, it's shameful I know, but I was a prostitute” Nana says “ sweet Mary mother of God”, crosses herself and faints. Coleen finds the smelling salts and brings her round. “Are you ok Nana, I'm really sorry for the shame” “Wh..wh..what did you say you were?” “A prostitute” “Thank God, I thought you said you were a Protestant”
A woman goes into a pet store and says that she wants to buy a duck. She settles on this cute one that she likes. The pet store owner says, "Would you like the bill now or later?" The woman says, "What a stupid question, I want the whole duck now!"