honestly, i won't write a book here. i just want to save someone from going crazy. we all know that freelance life. sitting 24/7, brain fog, feeling like a vegetable. i was there. smoked for 15+ years, my body was stiff like wood. my "therapy" started weird. i just went to a pond and sat there staring at water. then pushups on grass, barefoot. when i moved to a new flat, there was no lake. just an abandoned glade near the house. local drunks and teens with beer were hanging out there constantly. did i care? no. i went there, lay flat on the ground next to them and just felt the earth with my hands. looking at the sky while guys were drinking vodka 10 meters away. that connection with the ground... it reset my brain better than any pills. then i needed more. i started running. asphalt was boring so i hit the forest trails. jumping over roots, mud, steep hills. 11km, 16km. pure adrenaline. then health hit me—back issues, hemangioma. running was over. so i hired a swimming coach. learned to swim properly, not just splash around. fixed my back in the pool. now? i'm over 30 and i finally signed up for kickboxing. it was my childhood dream. i always wanted to know how to defend myself, feel that "male" energy. so i just did it. my point is simple: don't force yourself to do "smart things". if everyone is reading books and you hate it -don't read. if "gym" is trendy but makes you sad—don't go. find what gives YOU endorphins. real ones. sure, sometimes i smoke or have a drink once in a few months, i'm not a saint. but my main high comes from doing what my body actually wants. find your thing. do it. cheers.